It was like a felt a flip switch on Monday, June 23...They've quit working, the epidural and injections from May 17.
But, maybe not. I'll rest a bit and then rebound. In May, Doc said that I can't receive any more injections until August. I have to be able to make it until mid-August.
My limbs became heavier and weaker and more painful as July approached. Hubby, as in times past, was having to help me dress and undress. But, still, I had to bathe and dress and eat and walk and drive and work and think as clearly as I was able.
When it takes so much effort to simply be, when bathing and dressing become feats to conquer, life becomes overwhelmingly complicated. The goal is to get through the next ten minutes, the next hour, the next day. I rest a lot at those times, but the rest does not rejuvenate. It helps, yes...but the energy does not rebound.
I have noticed, when I am fatigued and health-challenged (to put it mildly), my confidence wanes. Just push through and do one more thing; give it all you've got. But, to push through with more stamina is an impossibility. All the will power on earth cannot strengthen the ability of my physical nervous system to supply its strength to my limbs so they can properly function. It's like asking a blind person to will themselves to physically see.
It cannot be done.
I am still learning to accept that and to not go the extra mile...at least for now.
There have been years upon years, when I suffered through asthma and pain and fatigue in the past, that I would watch television commercials - commercials depicting healthy people doing normal things...like walking or running or jumping or eating various foods or camping and other 'ors.' I would feel surreal at those times, knowing I lacked the ability to engage in those life activities but feeling that I must try. I must not give up.
Again, I have experienced this same odd feeling - an observer of doing instead of being the doer. It's almost like watching a fantasy. It's not a "negative" feeling. It's simply odd, detached. I can only imagine how a paralyzed person feels when observing a similar fantasy.
I ended up receiving another epidural in my lumbar and 7 shots in my neck on July 7, even though I wasn't supposed to be able to get them. Hopefully my insurance will cover the costs. July 8, was a full day of nausea and migraine. By Jul 14, I awoke feeling rested, finally. The relief was heavenly. I'm bicycling again and will start back on my water exercises today.
So what now...between now and the next 6 weeks? I'll know more in 6 weeks. In the meantime, I'm on a higher dose of daily medication.
Medical Marijuana is now legal in North Carolina for use in seizure patients. It is a start. The program isn't available yet; logistics are still being worked out. Draft rules are supposed to be issued no later than October 1st.
Flipping switches causes sparks; enough sparks cause change.
I can spark.
***
Here's a link to get North Carolina House Bill 1161 on the North Carolina November, 2014, ballot: Help put medical marijuana on the ballot
Here's a link to NC House Bill 1161: NC HB 1161 (pdf)
From page 4 of the NC House Bill 1161:
...(7) "Debilitating medical condition" means any of the following:
13 a. Cancer, gliomas, glaucoma, positive status for human
14 immunodeficiency virus (HIV), acquired immune deficiency
15 syndrome (AIDS), hepatitis C, porphyria, amyotrophic lateral
16 sclerosis (Lou Gehrig's disease or ALS), Alzheimer's disease,
17 nail-patella syndrome, fibromyalgia, severe migraines, multiple
18 sclerosis, celiac disease, Crohn's disease, diabetes mellitus, dystonia,
19 gastrointestinal disorders, hypertension, incontinence, injury or
20 disease to the spinal cord, spinal column, or vertebra,
21 methicillin-resistant Staphylococcus aureus (MRSA), myelomalacia,
22 osteoporosis, pruritus, rheumatoid arthritis, sleep apnea, Tourette's
23 syndrome, or the treatment of such conditions.
24 b. A chronic or debilitating disease or medical condition or its treatment
25 that produces one or more of the following: cachexia or wasting
26 syndrome; severe pain; severe nausea; anorexia; seizures, including
27 those characteristic of epilepsy; or severe and persistent muscle
28 spasms, including those characteristic of multiple sclerosis (MS),
29 amyotrophic lateral sclerosis (Lou Gehrig's disease or ALS), or
30 Crohn's disease....
