September 7, 2010

Shadow Colors

I just read a couple pages that open "Chapter 3: Commitment and Consistency" in the book Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion by Robert Cialdini.

The chapter (it appears) will explain how humans figure out a way to justify a commitment, even when that commitment is at cross purposes with what a person may really want or is a commitment that may be detrimental to the person.

As I read the first couple pages of the chapter I thought of what is known as "cognitive dissonance," that is when we justify our choices so that our brains don't blow a gasket when we are confronted with opposing information that crosses what we believe is true. As humans, we somehow must reconcile that kind of dilemma. So we reframe the situation in order to justify our decision in order to bring down the static, the dissonance, in our minds. It's a human thing.

But sometimes the static gets too loud and the justification makes it even scratchier. At that point we then make a change. Hopefully, it's a change that is beneficial.

Anyway, I read a sentence in the book, Influence, that caused me pause.
"Once a stand had been taken, the need for consistency pressured these people to bring what they felt and believed into line with what they had already done. They simply convinced themselves that they had made the right choice and, no doubt, felt better about it all."

It is the second sentence (in the quote above) that caught my attention.

When I read that second sentence, I felt that something might be "wrong" with me. I then had to think through why I felt that way. Only after writing this out, have I figured out why I felt there might be something "wrong" with me. And that is because I seldom feel I make a "right" or "wrong" choice.  I simply make a choice based on the best of my ability at the time of the decision.  I won't know if it is "right" or "wrong" until later, if I ever really know at all.  

Perhaps that outlook comes with age, or perhaps it is due to experiencing 'shattered faith,' so to speak. That is when one's structure around which they built their lives comes crumbling down and doubt the size of a gigantic edifice is continually looming casting shadows.  

There are most always more than two choices, than "right" and "wrong."  There are most always a variety or "right" choices and a variety of "wrong" choices. And many in between choices.

In other words, life has many shades of gray in the shadows. Not to mention all the colors and hues in the prism of a crystal.

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