Trust...

Recently, as I was rereading part of the book of Romans in the Bible, I found myself engrossed in chapters three through five as I read about "faith." 

The section comes across differently when one reads it from a Christian Universalist (CU) perspective instead of an eternal torment or annihilation perspective. 

Carol, do you feel like writing out your introduction to CU? 

Okay, let me see if I can give it a go without getting caught in the details...

Around September 2006, eleven months after leaving The Way, I was rereading for the umpteenth time the book of Romans in the Bible. But this time I was stopped in my reading tracks as I read Romans 5:12 - 18. This section compares the first Adam (of Genesis) with the second Adam (Jesus Christ). 

According to the Bible, the first Adam's sin brought death to all mankind. All, every single person (and maybe animals too?). And according to this section in Romans, the benefit of Jesus's accomplishments is so great in its undoing of what the first Adam instilled in all mankind (and im the earth itself) that it can't even be compared to the consequences of Adam's action. It's in a whole different league.

Wait a minute...

I reread the section again... 

Wow. If that's the case - that Jesus's accomplishment is so much greater that it can't even be compared to the consequences of Adam's sin (which has caused the whole earth to continue in a state of groaning and travailing),wouldn't that mean that all is restored by Jesus' s conception, birth, life, sacrifice, death, resurrection, and ascension... even if one doesn't believe it? All. All. All. What Adam did affected the entire earth. To undo all that, wouldn't that mean that everyone, everyone, is redeemed? Is it really that big? If so, does that mean that Lucifer also is reconciled back to Elohim?

I brought this up with an ex-Way minister who visited our home at the time to teach a small gathering of folks who had recently left The Way. I don't remember his answer other than the beginning of it, "Yeah but..." I can't recall what he said after that, but I do recall what I felt - he was parroting Way doctrine which I already knew. In other words, I'd already thought of the "yeah buts." 

As I reread Romans and pondered the possibility of every single person being redeemed, I thought about "believing" and some ponderings I'd hidden in my heart, even while I was still a Way believer. Even though "unconditional love" was supposedly in the scriptures, I had a hard time seeing unconditional love in the scriptures. To receive God's blessing I had to believe; it was conditional, not unconditional. And believing can be hard work. Though I wondered about that (and a few other things that The Way taught as the rightly divided and only accurate interpretation of scripture), I'd tell myself what I'd been taught -- there must be something amiss with my understanding or with the translation of the scripture. 

Within about three months of seeing this in the scripture and thinking on it, I connected with someone on Greasespot Cafe, the online forum where ex-Way folks gather/ed, who shared with me about Christian Universalism (CU). I'd never heard of such. I thought, Wow. Maybe I can have my cake and eat it too? The only Universalism I was familiar with was Unitarian Universalism. 

I began to study CU. Some of what it taught lined up with doctrine I'd learned in The Way, such as no eternal torment. But The Way taught annihilation of the unbeliever, not eternal torment. A burning hell was in store only for death itself, the devil, and those born of the "seed of the serpent." But they won't burn forever; they (like the unbelievers who don't make it into the third heaven and earth) will cease to exist. 

CU teaches that everybody makes it in; every person will ultimately bow at the name of Jesus Christ - either in this earthly life or after the resurrections of all who have ever lived. 

My favorite book on CU is The Inescapable Love of God by Dr. Tom Talbott. 

~*~

I recently have been rereading the book of Romans again but from a different perspective than when I was a true believer. When I read the Bible now, I read it not as inspired by God but rather as written by mankind trying to make sense of the world and its happenings. 

Could it be inspired by God? 

What of other writings regarding beliefs outside of Christianity? 

Could they too be inspired by God? 

So, as I recently reread Romans 3 and 4 and 5 about faith and works and Abraham, something dawned on me. Perhaps instead of thinking of the word "faith" as "believing" would I be better served to think of "faith" as "trust." For me, this switches the emphasis from the works of the self to a trust in the other. Of course, that means the self believes in the other, yet trust is built over time. And for me, trust is more intimate than working to believe. Trust involves relationship. 

From my journal, 3/29/2025...

What if the "key" to receiving is not believing, but rather trust? 

Believing puts the emphasis on mankind doing: to work to build one's believing. 

Trust puts the emphasis on the "other."

Trust involves surrender and belief.

In order to surrender I must trust and believe the other cares for me.

Trust embodies humility

~*~

I'm still chewing on these thoughts...

Pondering what "trust" means for me...

In what and whom have I trusted...

In what and whom do I trust...

Recalling the oh-so-many times of so-called "answered prayer"...

Answers that have so-often simply unfolded...

These have happened not because of me, necessarily...

Though I do have to at least show up...

Ask, act, accept, adapt...

Trust, trust, trust...

~*~

Treasure Chest....

 As polyradiculitis has stolen so much from my life, I continue to mourn...

Too often, I then judge myself...

The judgement is disguised as, "But think of all the good in your life, Carol..." 

I think of the Homeless, the Bereaved, the Poor, the Orphan, the War-torn...

And I often think of Dad, who lived over 12 years as a quadriplegic. 

If he could appear in bodily form, I think he would agree that even though he couldn't move his body, he found ways to thrive through those years. 

And he couldn't have done it without Mom. 

Recently as I've thought about my current crippled-in-body-and-brain condition, I've thought-felt that I have not allowed sufficient grieving of the piled-up losses. 

And it's not just the losses from Poly Rad, but other losses, some decades old.

Instead of allowing myself to feel into the caverns left by the losses, I try to fill up those caverns with the next thing. 

Can I allow those losses a voice, to speak from the deepest caverns in my soul?

To sit with the losses...

Allow any images to arise...

Ask what is it I am grieving? 

What color is it? 

Where do I feel it in my body?

~*~

When Granddaughter came into the world this past May, I felt joy and some trepidation. Joy in that she is healthy and that her parents love her dearly. Trepidation in that, "What will the world be like as she grows up?" I imagine every grandparent thinks something along those lines. I counter this with the reminder that all known living beings have endured through incredible tragedies and sometimes horrendous atrocities; it's part of being alive on this planet. 

I thought I had prepared myself for her arrival - prepared myself emotionally for the fact that I am unable to help with her infant and baby care. Due to polyradiculitis, I am unable to pick her up or carry her or change a diaper. My arms and hands are too weak. The reality of that fact was one more item on my growing can't-do list. 

Some might say, "Don't confess that, that you can't do!" 

The advice is noted, but would they say to the blind, "Don't confess that you can't see!"? 

I guess there's no real way to prepare for many losses, until they arrive. 

And I grieved, for months after her birth, that I was unable to care for my granddaughter, to help out. 

As a response I would continually remind myself of the silver linings...

And then I'd grieve again...

A couple weeks ago, I took a trip to see Granddaughter. It's not an easy drive. I take the interstate and have to drive through Charlotte. Lord, I don't like that close traffic at the speeds one has to drive to keep from being run over. I most always drive the back roads home which takes over three hours, but at least I'm not wracked by the constant vigilance of zooming among giant tin cans on wheels. 

This last visit with Granddaughter was the most joyful I'd experienced. She can now sit up and crawl. And she loves music!!! I used to "teach" preschool music, singing and dancing with little people. So, this last visit, as she sat in front of me and me in front of her, our eyes and energies connected, as we bopped and clapped our thighs and laughed. 

Son said to me, "Mom, that was a real help. I was able to get some uninterrupted clean-up done in the kitchen. Thanks!" 

My heart sang...

I found my niche...

As Granddaughter gets older, I'll take my big bag of musical instruments...

It can be Memaw's Music Bag...

That is a rich life Carol...

Despite the losses, and maybe in part because of them, you have a huge treasure chest...

And there's still room in it for more...

~*~

One of the songs we shared...

Cypress Choral Music with All God's Critters...

Dampening....

I think I want to finish writing the story about Hiram -- our beautiful, wondrous, huge scarlet oak. 

As I think of all the details of the story, which is still ongoing, I think, Do I really feel like writing all that out? 

Of course I wouldn't write all the details; just what I feel like sharing or what beckons to be written.

I recently orally shared the story with someone who responded something like, "Wow. That's a God thing." 

I can't recall my response - if I pretended to agree or not. 

But it was after that that my enthusiasm for writing the story was dampened. 

Why did I feel that way so suddenly?

I pondered, awaiting an answer... 

Within a day or so I had an answer...

It bothers me because it implies that God plays favorites. 

Depending on a person's beliefs, that could be a true statement. 

But I'm not one who believes that, anymore.  

What if, during a storm, my house is spared, but not my neighbor's. 

How very arrogant it would be to think, say, believe that God was watching out for me. 

So, by logic, wouldn't that mean that God wasn't watching out for my neighbor?

Such kind of doctrine causes my blood to feel staticky, prickly. 

Hm, is that how arrogance feels to me?  

If I finish the story about Hiram, am I bragging about a blessing from God? 

If so, I will not write that story. 

 

So, if I don't believe in God-things for certain people and not for others, what do I believe?

The Way taught that God is no respecter of persons, but that He is a respecter of a person's believing regardless of that person's belief or not in Jesus...

In other words, the "law of attraction"....

Can I actually attract to me, by my believing, that which is beneficial for me?

Maybe so...

Quotes from a couple different blog posts regarding the "law of believing":

2/03/2012: Expectations: The law of believing...

 

"...I was not going to be ashamed; that is, I was believing and thereby would not be disappointed in my expectation. My partner and I would make it to Tinnie on time, even if I did have asthma symptoms in the frigid cold. By acting on the Word and going to LEAD in spite of my asthma, I was believing. My body would be healed. 'Confession of receipt yields receipt of confession.'

My partner and I missed the allotted time frame by a few minutes; we failed. We had to turn around and hitchhike back to Kansas. We weren't able to attend the LEAD outdoor rock-climbing session.

I was disappointed in my expectation, so I must not have been believing. But by missing the time frame, I missed the seven days and nights in the frigid cold in the wilderness mountains of New Mexico. Frigid cold plus asthma plus wilderness could equal death or at the least, trauma.

I continued to suffer with asthma for the next fifteen plus years. But I still claimed God's healing."

I didn't want to be ashamed."

2/02/2014: The Next Book...

"...The electro-magnetic field radiating from the heart is about 5000 times greater than that of the brain. Magnetism attracts and repels. Maybe that's the key to receiving, maybe there is a physiological side to this 'law of believing.'..."

~*~

 "Bed shit happens, and good shit happens too." ~ M. Franti...

~*~