I live with widespread nerve damage.
It began in late April, 2011.
It wasn't properly diagnosed until May, 2013.
In June 2016, an underlying cause was discovered.
In August 2016, that cause was addressed, and I embarked upon a road to possible improvement.
The journey continues.
I could write volumes about this trek, if I could.
I have accepted this new body.
I have accepted it may never fully recover in the sense of what it used to be.
I have learned that wellbeing is more mental than physical.
I have a different concept of healing now, that it has more to do with state-of-mind than state-of-body.
Body includes brain.
"Mind" is different from "brain."
Brain is an organ; mind is a state.
My daily routine begins with assessment.
I wake up and ask, How do I feel?
Tender soles. Tender palms.
Like the tinder for a fire; enough spark can set it ablaze.
Yes, I feel it.
I acknowledge the pain from the soles of my feet to the palms of my hands to my head.
It's a low-level pain. I have described it as a "hum."
I imagine it might drive a normal, able-bodied mind and soul whacky; like the continual drip of a faucet.
It is my normal; maybe that makes me "whacky."
Upon waking, I lie in bed for at least 10 minutes - feeling, assessing.
Breathing, in and out. Peace within. Peace without.
Sometimes I lay there for 20 minutes, 30 minutes, an hour.
Sometimes sleep overtakes me, and I enter dreamtime.
Somewhere in there I get up and go pee.
I arise and stand slowly, assessing my balance, making sure I'm stable-footed.
I notice the tenderness in the soles of my feet.
Like the tinder for a fire.
But there are no sparks; rather, a faint glow hums evenly across my soles.
Yet I am no tenderfoot.
I slowly walk to the bathroom.
~*~
Related post: Peace & Joy
