This is my canvas.
I can throw upon it whatever I desire.
I can display it.
Frame it.
Trash it.
Currently I'm living with shingles. It began Wednesday, 10/07/20. That morning, as I was going through some of my stretches which I would call routine, and they are routine, except that I don't perform them as routinely as I'd like to. I would say as routinely as I "should," except for that word, "should." My "should" antennas wiggle reminding me to mind my "shoulds." That is to limit them because there are soooo many "shoulds."
The best mental health provider I've had, Dr. McColloch, who I greatly miss since he's retired, addressed my "shoulds" back in 2000. My should-basket was too full. "Unrelenting standards," he called them. So, I changed my vocabulary for awhile to eliminate the word "should." Changed it to "it'd be nice if..." That change helped me tremendously back then and continues to help me now.
On Wednesday, 10/07, as I performed my it'd-be-nice-if-I-stretched-more-routinely stretches, I noticed soreness in the nape of my neck, down to my shoulder, on my right side.
What's this? I wondered. Did I favor my right side when I was biking yesterday?
My left low-back-hip area had become exacerbated on Saturday, 10/03, from it's regular continual low-level pain to almost a spasmodic pain, for a day. Thus I wondered if I'd favored the right side when biking. My left hip is the hip that has endured trauma from the now-replaced defective, metal-leaching hip implant. Back in 2017ish, the surgeon told me I may always have low-level pain in that area, due to the trauma. So, I live with it and manage the best I can.
Or is it just another weird pain springing from my right side?
Back in May, I'd had an upper-back spasm-spot, in my right lung area. It was so bad, John had to stay home from work that day. Long story short, I ended up with some breathing issues and had to pull out my nebulizer which I rediscovered was broken so the doc's office issued me a new one. The PA at my doc's office ended up sending me to the ER for a Covid-19 test. At my ER visit, I was given quite the work up. (My heart is in good shape.) Thankfully, my C-19 was negative. But the lung issue, shortness of breath, low-grade pain persisted for a few months, slowly clearing up. Still don't know what that was.
And here was my right side again, with a weird symptom. Sometimes I wonder if these odd, spontaneous symptoms manifest because my body is pushing out heavy metals that have been stored in fatty tissues. Probably not, but I do wonder.
By Friday, 10/09, the soreness in my neck-nape was gone, but had morphed into a sporadic shooting pain up the back of my neck, into my head, and toward my temple -- in a direct line, not spread out. And the back of my head was feeling bruised on that side, like I'd been hit in the head with a blunt object. The pain in my left hip had ameliorated for a couple days previous only to become exacerbated again on Thursday. I felt like one of those black ink drawings of a human with pains springing out of body parts.
On Friday, I saw my acupuncturist, who is also an herbalist. The treatment really helped my low-back-hip area, and he mixed me up some pain herbs from me to drink, to add to my regimen. I went for a 20-mile bike ride after my acupuncture session.
By Saturday afternoon, I had a small lump on my head in the area where it felt like it'd been hit. Puzzling.
Why didn't I go to the allopathic, western, medical doctor? Because I have lived with lots of weird, spontaneous nerve pains for years. They appear, sometimes morph, sometimes disappear. They come, and they go. I've learned to wait, instead of jump, to see what they do.
Saturday, I went online and read about blood clots and aneurysms, wondering if I should go to the ER. I've had lots of ER experience and really don't like going. My symptoms didn't match either clots or aneurysms. I said to John, somewhat jokingly, "Do I have a spontaneous concussion?" I've had a spontaneous black eye in the past few years which we never found a cause for.
As I lay in bed late Saturday night gently guiding my fingers over my tender scalp, I felt two small sores. Did I get bit by an insect biking on the New River Trail Tuesday?
When I awoke Sunday morning, I had boils on the front of my neck, which made me wonder more about an insect bite. Then I thought, Is this shingles? But then dismissed or got distracted from that thought until suppertime as the boils began to appear in my ear and John said, "I wonder if it's shingles?"
So, I looked up shingles and was relieved that my symptoms appeared to match shingles. "I think it's shingles." After I moment I added, "It's something normal!" Except it was in head and on my scalp instead of the typical shingles-torso-waistband area. I thought it ironic that it's "all in my head."
I was at the doc Monday morning. Due to Covid, we met outside in the back of Edward the Explorer. That's what I had to do in May too. She confirmed it was shingles and I began valacyclovir, an antiviral drug that addresses shingles. Like other antivirals, it needs to be started in a certain window of time to be effective. I was in the window.
As the shingles progressed and my inner ear began hurting and I communicated with my doc through my patient portal on Wednesday, we upped my regular prednisone dose from below 10 mg to 60 mg. Shingles in the ear can cause Ramsay Hunt Syndrome which can cause deafness. Adding steroids to valacyclovir can help keep that from developing.
I again had an Edward the Explorer visit with the doc on Wednesday so she could look at my ear drum. She felt confident Ramsay Hunt would be held at bay. *knock on wood*
But, now the head pain was spreading to my frontal area, all the way across my forehead. It was low grade and I thought maybe it was from wearing my glasses askew due to the boils behind my ears. So I decided not to do that anymore.
I began to feel really bad in the wee morning hours of Thursday. The frontal head pain was stretching down my face to my teeth. And nausea had set in, like a migraine. I was miserable.
I called the doc Thursday morning. The nurse called back within an hour, and we started me on gabapentin. By Thursday evening, the frontal head pain had eased. It's still there, but not debilitating.
Yesterday, John and I went on a Blue Ridge Parkway drive. Typically the BRP refreshes both of us and where we go in Virginia isn't too crowded, even in the fall, as far as crowds go. But yesterday, was different. We'd never seen it so crowded in Meadows of Dan and at Mabry Mill and on the Parkway itself. Our back-route drive up to and back from the BRP was more refreshing than the Parkway itself.
On the way home I told John, "I need to bathe and cut my nails after we get home." Two self-care tasks that are no longer monumental, but still require effort beyond what an abled-body would require.
John replied, "Remember when I used to have to help you cut your nails? Must have been over a year I had to do that."
"It was at least a couple years," I replied.
A nice reminder of how far I've come.
