Rise Up....

Much has happened since my last blog entry...

In January I received wonderful news...

For the first time since I began receiving yearly nerve conduction and muscle tests in 2013, I showed (drum roll) ... IMPROVEMENT!!! 

But in February, I had more pain and weakness.

Why, I wondered. What is happening? 

As I pondered, prayed, talked with my Body, my Insiders, Spirit;

I was reminded that too much lasering can have the reverse effect.

So, I lowered the minutes that I laser parts of my legs and arms...

It's helping!!

I lowered the amount of powders in my nutrition shake...

It's helping! 

Acupuncturist lowered the number of needles...

It's helping! 

On February 18, I consistently picked up Synergetics again...

Pivot and dip, push and pull, breathe and smile...

It's helping!

I don't know what the future holds... 

I don't know how much more improvement will come, if any...

But I'll keep on rising...

Oh...

Yesterday I played Putt-Putt!

All 18 holes!

Hubby and I, Son and Daughter-in-law (with Li'l Bit), and DIL's parents...

The two Grandmas (I'm one of those) came in 1st and 2nd!

I was 2nd, but hey, that's no small thing with my limitations...

Go, Carol, go!!

~*~

This song played through my Bluetooth this past week... 

Its timing was perfect...

It's been my get-up song since... 

It just dawned on me that it's a perfect Easter (or Resurrection Sunday, if you prefer) song...

"We all will rise up..."

Once A Day by Michael Franti 

As stated in the 2015 YouTube description: “‘Once A Day’ is about unexpected moments in life.  Some days we have unexpectedly beautiful moments and others that are unexpectedly challenging.  Last year I had a really challenging moment when my son was diagnosed with a kidney disease called FSGS (Focal Segmental Glomerulosclerosis).  We thought it would break our family apart, but moving through the initial tears, made us realize life is precious and that we need to hug, kiss and be close to each other every day and through that we could ‘rise up’ and face his illness together.  I hope that Once A Day brings inspiration to anyone in this world who is going through challenging times.  Through music, dance and gratitude for this life we can all ‘Rise Up’!” ~Michael Franti

Lyrics (most of them)...

...You never know what the world's gonna show you,

It ain't up to you.

You always think it's gonna happen to another person,

And it's never ever gonna happen to you.

You got your friends, you got your money,

Got your family, got your honey,

You think you got a million days.

But then life comes along

And it knocks you right down to the ground and that's why I say,

Everybody oughta hug somebody, at least once a day.

And everybody oughta kiss somebody, at least once a day.

Everybody's gonna miss somebody, at least once a day.

And everybody gotta love somebody, every day!

And we all will rise up! (Spread your wings and fly)

And we all will rise up!

And we all will rise up! (Spread your wings and fly)...

I heard the purpose of life's to live a life full of purpose,

And so don't ever take for granted what the spirit has given you

In the first verse,

You might never get a second verse,

This ain't a rehearsal, you can't put it in reverse.

Believe in yourself, don't let nobody be a negative or tell you what to do.

Cause I know (cause I know)

In this sweet, sweet life that just this much is true!

Everybody oughta hug somebody, at least once a day.

And everybody oughta kiss somebody, at least once a day.

Everybody's gonna miss somebody, at least once a day.

And everybody gotta love somebody, every day!

So don't you worry bout what people say,

Raise your head up and be on your way.

And it don't matter if you fall today,

Just get up, get up, get up, get up!

We rise up! (Hey)

We rise up! (Hey)

We ri-i-i-i-ise! (Yeah, yeah, yeah)

We rise up! (Hey)

We rise up! (Hey)

We ri-i-i-i-ise!....

Hand It Over...

Too often when I sit down to write something for other ears or eyes, I end up frustrated. I get too entangled with details and backstory. Plus, my mind isn't as adept as it once was; it's hard to find the right words. It's like my vocabulary has waned. But I think the real issue is living over a decade with fatigue and pain and weakness, over a 1-1/2 years with sleep deprivation, medications that dope me so I can fall asleep, and the plethora of tasks involved in my self-care. 

In the morning, around 7:30 to 8:00 after I've opened my eyes from twilighting through my second shift of quasi-sleep which begins anywhere between 1AM and 4AM, I arise slowly, get my trekking poles from beside my bed, and carefully make my way to bathroom to relieve my bladder. Then I lie back down for one to two hours, accompanied with guided meditations, until my body says that it is okay to get up now.  If I get up too early or overexert, my gut responds with nausea. It's a fine line to balance. Thus begins my workday of self-care. 

The workday is filled with administering herbs, supplements, and pharmaceuticals at specific times; charting my symptoms and activities; going to my one to two per week healthcare appointments; feeding myself including my (mostly organic) nutritional smoothie which contains nine different nutritional food powders, adaptogenic tea formula, tart cherry juice, lemon juice, spinach, liquid COQ10, soaked chia seeds, frozen blueberries and filtered water; inverting in the morning before I eat or drink; lasering my body in part or whole; walking outside with trekking poles or my walker or riding my indoor bike; stretching my body as best I can in hopes that I can build some muscle and help relieve pain; keeping my various herbs and supplements and pharmaceuticals in stock; and more. Once a week, and occasionally twice, I bathe. Showering is harder, so I take Epsom salt baths. I can't dry myself, so I air dry while lying on the bed wrapped in my towel and a throw. Bathing and dressing are two of my hardest tasks. Recently I turned taking my socks off into a game I call "Kick the Field Goal." 

It's all day long, and it's detailed work from light reaching my eyes in the morning, through the day, and into the night. I take the final doses of herbs in the wee morning hours at my 2nd shift of sleep; two herbal formulas I drink and one herb I chew. One could say those are my first herbs of the day. 

Each day, I have to begin my wind-down bedtime routine around 5:30. I'm typically in bed between 8:00 and 8:30. So, it's a lot to get done in eight to nine hours for a body that has to move slowly and deliberately, traverse pain, and adapt to how much the body-mind is capable of on any given day. 

I've barely just scratched the surface. I'm not complaining, but rather trying to give a glimpse of the work involved. It really is a full-time job.

After typing all this I ask, Carol is this what you really want to read at the workshop? No, it isn't. I want to write a poem for my good friend Susan who died on January 21, but nothing's flowing yet. 

***

So, what song can I post to go along with this wordage? 

Hmmm...

Got it! 

Sing it Keb...

Real...

 Write what is real and true and tied to our experience... (M.S.)

~*~*~

I think of the Velveteen Rabbit. 

He so wanted to be real. 

And he was real to the little boy that would carry Rabbit almost everywhere Boy explored. 

Boy slept with Rabbit. 

I feel sure Boy held Rabbit closely to his heart while in his night dreams. 

Rabbit sat with Boy after Boy fell ill with scarlet fever. 

Doctor said all Boy's toys needed to be burned for sanitation reasons. 

Rabbit was stuffed in a bag and put in the garden awaiting cremation. 

His heart was broken, and he shed Velveteen tears. 

But then a magic fairy appeared to Rabbit. 

Fairy transports Rabbit deep into a forest, places him with other bunnies that can hop and breathe and wiggle their ears. 

Fairy gives Rabbit a magic kiss and Rabbit's fur turns from tattered velveteen to soft, warm, rabbit fur like bunnies of the forest are clothed in. 

I have felt like the Velveteen Rabbit after he was put in the garbage bag. 

No longer needed. 

Tossed aside and eventually forgotten about. 

Broken. Tattered. Lonely. 

Without purpose, other than to make it through another day. 

Did a fairy come along and pull me up? 

If so, I could not see the fairy with my head eyes. 

But in my imagination my Insiders were born. 

Though they had probably always been with me; I was just too preoccupied with pleasing people and obeying the Word to allow my imagination to wander that far for fear of devil spirit possession.

How silly for a woman in her early 60s to have relationships with imaginary beings that live inside her. 

There is Pog who first appeared as the steward of the pond of grief; that's how he got his name, Pog. Then the pond of grief slowly transformed into the pond of gratitude. 

There is Itt, who looks like Itt from the Adams Family. 

He first appeared as anger. 

He would shiver and all his hair would shiver with him. 

When he felt rage all his hair would stand up on end, stretched as straight and far as the hairs could go. 

There is Owl who first appeared when Woman was having some gut trouble. 

With his beak, Owl carefully plucked dark pellets from woman's belly and her gut trouble eased. 

There is Troll who is gnarly with a heart of gold. 

Troll is strong and a shape shifter who helps give woman's limbs strength. 

He carries a golden sword, probably related to the Greek myth Chysaor whose mother was Medusa and father was Poseidon.

There is Martin, a golden star who used to tremble with fear. 

Pog has helped Martin to find peace. 

They both help Woman to sleep.

There are Campfire Stewards, Unicorn, Winged Fabio, Eagle and Raven. 

And two of the most beloveds of the woman, Whale and Elephant. 

And there is a giant tree where the Campfire Stewards have built treehouses.

From a different decade there is Nanna, the girl, Sally the horse, Tender the aged steward, and Giant John the gardener.

All the Insiders love to dance as Woman listens to dancing music. 

How silly for a woman in her mid 60s to count inanimates as friends, treat them kindly, talk with them and feel them talk back. 

Similar to the trees who hold her and cradle her and let her know how much they love her and how happy they are to see her. 

She has been known to break into shadow dancing, the sun behind her back as she dances with Tree. 

Truth be told, it's not silly at all...

It is survival...

*~*~

The Village, 2022
It has since grown...