Dancing Between the Questions

I posed some questions in my previous blog.
http://tossandripple.blogspot.com/2009/03/structure-versus-system.html

Do my questions matter?

To me they do.

I'm going to ramble here dancing between and overlapping the questions previously posed.

When a person exits a group/organization that exhibits totalistic qualities where obvious abuses took place, one can come to see (eventually) these qualities. But what if one leaves a group that isn't considered totalistic or abusive? What if that person leaves that group because her underlying belief system is crumbling not due to abuses, but due to consideration and thought and allowing oneself to become open to more ideas? Yet, why didn't the person allow that openness while in the group? Is there a type of mental enslavement that accompanied the teachings/doctrine of the (supposedly) benign group?

In one sense it may be more traumatic when a person decides to deconvert from a belief system than when deserting a toxic group. From a toxic group, there are usually obvious emotional/mental/physical wounds and scars. Yet, from leaving a supposedly benign group, there may be no visible or obvious scars. One may think that she shouldn't have "symptoms."

I think of it as similar to neglect. A child who is ignored suffers a type of abuse. The child isn't hollered at, beaten, or shown affection. She is simply ignored. There are no visible scars to show for the abuse; no vivid harsh memories...just a nothingness. Yet, there is deep pain and a constant endeavoring to fill the void.

At the same time, when leaving a supposedly benign organization or structure (even if the structure is loosely held together) there probably was kindness given; there may have been rich and fulfilling experiences. Yet the departee no longer subscribes to the underlying beliefs which may have been the person's very foundation of life. Such a departure and realization can be shattering, even traumatic.

I don't think one can or should compare traumatic events. Trauma simply is; the impact is..... traumatic. Peoples' responses to trauma may vary; yet an individual's response is to be honored, not minimized. At the same time, one learns neither to magnify. How else to do that but by comparison with life's many events? It is a paradox and sometimes takes a pair o' docs to work through the process.

I may return to edit this, when I have more insight and am better able to articulate what it is I am endeavoring to understand.