Cult-Recovery 101 and Beyond

I like the terms uncover and rediscover rather than recover. I think of recover as uncover and rediscover. Sometimes it's uncover and discover. Yet most folks know what recover means, in the sense of wellness.

Somewhere along the journey of recovery, whether its during phase 101, 201, 301, 1001; it's a good idea for a person to look at their strengths along the path. What have they learned? What have they utilized in their life as a result of those experiences?

One of my assignments during counseling since exiting The Way, was to list my strengths as a former cult devotee. I had a difficult time thinking of any strengths so I used this list, "The Strengths of Former Cult Members (link no longer works) as a springboard. Then I had to put that springboard list aside; I had to think of things that resonated with me, with Carol.

Thus the following list was born. I wrote it almost eight months ago, December 7, 2008. It'd probably be a good idea to come back to it on occasion to review and even add to it.

Every individual has strengths to celebrate, share, and draw upon.
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(note: "TWI" = The Way International)

Empathy: I understand the darkness of depression, the fear of anxiety, the struggle to climb out again and again. I understand the pressure of unrelenting standards and guilt feelings. I no longer fear that I will be a "miserable comforter" which was one of my fears while I was in TWI.

Good Listener: I practiced to learn the art of listening, even when I would "witness" to people. Even though I thought I "knew" the answers, I still believed people's stories were valid and I would listen. I believe that my desire to help was genuine.

Courage: I chose to join TWI even though it was looked upon despairingly by the Christian world; ie: it wasn't a popular choice. It took courage to not follow the crowd. On a flip side, when the masses left TWI, I didn't follow then either. Part of that was due to indoctrination and part was due to endeavoring to do what I thought was right. The point is, it took some courage to not follow the crowd.

Loyalty: Even after AWOLing from the Way Corps, I rose above public shame and was steadfast in my belief. Again, when the masses left TWI, I weighed what I knew and had experienced. I wanted The Way to change from the inside. Part of my loyalty was misguided, yet I was loyal.

Ingenuity: In spite of TWI teachings, I figured out a way to wellness. I even utilized mental health professionals (including a type of hypnosis) and acupuncture (by a lesbian) , all looked upon with suspicion of possible devil spirit possession by TWI. When I exited TWI I had a thought-through plan from months of mental preparation and at least a year of investigation. It wasn't a knee-jerk response. I exited on my terms and my deliberate decisions, even without my family. I allowed my family the same leeway, and they exited on their own within 6 to 8 months.

Endurance: I endured hardship, especially with my health. I didn't blame God. I didn't blame The Way. Even though I blamed myself, I continue(d) to strive for wellness. I was (many times due to illnesses) under intense and tremendous mental, emotional, physical, and performance pressure.

Flexibility: In The Way, I learned to be comfortable eating with a king or a pauper. I learned to function in various cultures:
1 - I functioned within the home school arena often surrounded by mainstream fundamentalist Christians, whereas I was in a non-trinitarian "cult."
2 - I functioned in the Christian South, though I held many doctrines contrary to regular Christianity.
3 - I functioned in The Way as one who leaned toward eclectic-/un-/home-schooling which was looked upon with suspicion by The Way. We chose the route of the family bed and having our children involved with us, instead of getting babysitters for functions all the time. We didn't follow the regular Way doctrine regarding raising children, though I would be confused and sometimes go back and forth.
4 - My husband and I maintained independent thought in regard to certain areas about family and personal decisions with health and upbringing, and still functioned as Way fellowship leaders. People liked coming to our fellowships because (I think) that for the most part we allowed them the same.


Skills: I learned to speak in front of 100's of people. This came into play with one of my jobs as a camp-in site director and presenter at a science center for about 5 years. I also learned people skills regarding communication. I learned organizational and set-up skills which I have utilized in all my jobs. My current boss thanks me on a regular basis for all I do to keep the business running.

Open to Ideas: The Way presented an alternative view of the scriptures and of education. I learned from those to not throw the baby out with the bath water, so to speak.

Creativity: In my early Way days I wrote poetry and sang and danced and acted in Way Productions. Through the years I taught much and oversaw Childrens Fellowship often. People regularly told me that they enjoyed my teachings and children loved to come to my children's activities. I utilized many props (even in adult teachings) to help with concrete examples. Though my individual creativity was stifled (and used to promote what was right for the org), it was dormant underneath and was resurrected again when I left The Way.

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