~the past, the present, and Monday nights~

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On Monday nights I set aside 1-1/2 hours for a conference call.

Last week my 19-year old son asked, "So what exactly is this phone call you do on Monday nights?"  I answered, "It's a cult-recovery support group."  He looked at me somewhat quizzically with a "huh?' look.  We then ended up in a conversation about cognitive behavioral therapy.

He got me thinking about what it is we do on the call.  Is it something I want to continue?  What do I get out of it?  Is it helping me?  At what point will I let it go?

Someone might think it is a group of folks who sit around brooding their past and problems.  Our past experiences are one of our subjects; yet I wouldn't say we brood over it. A person's past does affect their present; yet one's past doesn't have to control their present. Personally I do not want to forget my past; I want to remember it.  I want to embrace it.  Like the death of a friend or an enemy, the past is forever gone yet continues to trickle through the present and future.

For me the focus of the Monday night calls is on where I am now and where I want to be in the future, or figuring that out. Sometimes a person coming out of a totalistic group doesn't know where they are right now and where they want to go. A persistent fog might descend regarding certain parts of life, parts of life that others seem to have figured out for themselves, though that (people seeming to have figured 'it' out) may be more of a supposition than a reality. It may take some time and (that overused word these days) processing to help clear the fog, or at least help it become less dense.  For me, that involves looking at my past.  That may not be true for everyone, but for me it is and that's o.k.

The support group is a place where I share challenges that may have come up through the week, as well as accomplishments and how I worked through the challenge.  If I have an issue (another overused word) that I'm dealing with, others usually ask pertinent questions in a non-threatening way to help me think, to help me perhaps identify ways to approach or to perceive what I am mulling over.

The support group is healthy and helps me build healthy relationships in other areas of my life.  Participants come from various groups and backgrounds, so we share from our unique perspectives.  Of course all that is shared is confidential;  I have shared parts of my life that I have shared with very few people. When a person decides they are ready to move on from the weekly group sessions, they move on and I miss them; but there is always Facebook.

I guess I'll know when it's time for me to move on.

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