"Be the change..."

Spill, spill, spill...barrel full of thoughts.

There was a time I looked forward to my children being out on their own. I would have time to pursue writing or other interests.

Yet, here I am now, in that season of life - children are grown pursuing their own lives.

I feel lost. I feel my purpose is complete. What do I do now?

I recently shared with Hubby that I am not passionate about anything, really. I have occasional passion for hiking the Appalachian Trail, but that's about it. I have plenty of projects I should get about accomplishing. I have written the list...more than once.

In the past year or more, I have thought that my lack of passion is due to no longer having my grand purpose outlined by The Way - the grand purpose of "making available" the "accuracy of the Word" to the world. Up until after leaving The Way, I thought I would always "keep God first" fulfilling the "whole duty of man" by "fear[ing] God and keep[ing] his commandments." My identity was dictated by the scriptures.

But...I no longer embrace those purposes or that identity.

After leaving The Way, I got involved with anti-cult activism; but that passion too has waned.

I'm hesitant to get on board with any sort of grand movement to help change the world.

As I was watching a Youtube video this morning, the man in the video mentioned the life "mission" of Will Durant. I thought, I no longer have a life mission; raising my children was my life mission. And now, they are raised. Underlying that mission was to "keep God first," along with a long list of other commandments.

So my lack of passion is most likely multifaceted, as most of life is. Layers of reasons beneath our actions or lack thereof. In other words, my lack of purpose isn't due only to no longer being told what my purpose is according to scripture or according to The Way and then the flip-side of that in the "anti" crowd; but also, my career as a stay-at-home-eclectic-schooling mom is fulfilled. I have retired from that career path.

Will I come up with a new life mission? I don't know. I have many fleeting ideas that never come into fruition. Maybe I'll decide to stick with one of those ideas for longer than two weeks.

The line "be the change you want to see" has been on my mind lately. To me, for now, that equates into small everyday decisions...like to take home the plastic Wendy's container and put it in the recycling bin.