Whirled Peas

I've been avoiding writing again.

Is it avoiding? I don't think so. What it is is not having the energy to get words from my feelings to my head to my fingers to the keyboard to the screen. Nor having the energy to pen by hand, if desired.

I thought yesterday something like... Your pressure is self imposed. You have started different writing projects and do none. Why? Why do you do that? Even if you were well, you wouldn't have the time for all those different projects. Maybe writing isn't as necessary as it used to be for you?

But I do want to do the projects, don't I?

I want to write to discover my beliefs, my purpose, my wisdom. I want to write to create flow on a page, or a screen as is the case. I want to write the questions into fluid form, and perhaps write into the answers.

It boils down to, I want to discover me and value me and know me. To know thyself.

I'd love to have energy and time to read books and books and books. To paint and to draw and to play with clay. To form. To flow. To ride the river of thought and dreams and imaginations, which aren't just dreams and imaginations, but are a reality somewhere, in some dimension.

I'd love to have energy and strength to clean my home and organize the oh-so-many paper stacks and the shelves and the closets and the thirty-plus packed boxes draped with sheets and stacked behind the living room sofa.

I wish I had energy and strength to garden and preserve the bounty. To volunteer at a food pantry, or with Hospice, or with the disabled & bicycles.

I wish I had energy and strength to cook and invite friends over for a meal and cards or talk or board games.

I wish I had energy for friends.

I wish had energy and strength and finances to travel. To see with my own eyes the wonders of Iceland, our Great Lakes, the Everglades of Florida, the redwoods and sequoias, Australia, the plains of Africa, the tribes of the Amazon, the Orient.

I wish unicorns and gnomes and elves and fairies were real.

I wish people would treat one another and our planet with kindness.

I wish the world would have peace.