Recent stuff...epidural #26, unoffendable, twitter, rainbow bridge

The past few weeks I've thought so many times about posting something on my blog, and I so often don't have the energy. I'm putting this up without much editing. Though I may come back and edit it later.

The Wednesday night phone writing workshop was cancelled tonight, which was probably good for me. I got Epidural Number 26 yesterday, and today was the usual day-after-let-it-start-working rest day. I finally felt it begin its magic this evening. I'm thankful I have something that brings some quality, systemic relief. Maybe the day will come that I no longer need epidurals. My hope for that wanes and waxes. As I approach the appointed epidural time every 12ish weeks, I have to decrease my daily prednisone. When I do, I know yet again just how bad my symptoms are without steroids.

I recently finished reading the book Unoffendable by Brant Hansen. Brant is a Christian, and the book is written from that perspective. But I still liked it, very much. I'm sure I will refer back to it. Brant is an insightful writer, and funny. As I read the book I thought, If folks like Brant and Tom Talbott were the face of Christianity, it'd have a better reputation.

Sometime between 2008 and 2010, I "came out" as agnostic. Yet, even still, I hold onto some of my Christianity.

But Carol, how can you do that. You either believe or don't believe? There is no holding onto "some". That's what my be-either-hot-or-cold-or-he'll-spew-me-out-of-his-mouth compartment tells me. Scriptures like the spew one are the ones that nudge or push me to my agnostic side.

An aspect of biblical teaching that I have a huge problem with is sacrificial blood, that the only way to redeem mankind was by the shedding of blood. But, I really don't feel like typing out those thoughts now.

If I would again become a "believer," I'd have to go with the Christian Universalist doctrine. It makes the most sense to me. That is, that if Jesus did it for all and it truly is grace, there are no buts. No one will be eternally annihilated or eternally tormented. Everyone in the end will make into the kingdom. Yes, even Hitler. (Gasp!) To me, if the Jesus story is true, that's how big it is.

I learned about the book Unoffendable in January, a few days after I'd written my 2019 "goals". I found it via Twitter under a Jonathan Haidt thread. I read some of the preview pages on Amazon. The book seemed to line up with my 2019 goals (and it did). But I didn't purchase the book until this month.

Twitter. When I read through the political posts I am reminded of the anti-cult and cult camps. When I left The Way (a "cult") and got involved with cult activism ("anti-cult"), I eventually discovered that the two camps were almost like two peas in a pod...just at the two extreme poles of the pod. Both extremes accuse the other of black-white thinking and are consistently accusing the other side of evil motives. Each side name-calls and belittles the other. And yes, I'm guilty of some of that too. Maybe politics is always that way, or runs in cycles of extremes every so-many decades. And Trump feeds the mindset and encourages such, like it is a righteous thing. For the president of a country supposedly founded on ethical Judeo-Christian principles, that is wrong. His rhetoric and tactics remind me of Craig Martindale, the 2nd president of The Way. And yes, the far right of the GOP (which appears to be what the GOP is transforming into) reminds me of a cult more so than the left. If I were a republican, I'd be a never-Trumper. As an independent, I am a never-Trumper. I hope the democratic leadership doesn't screw things up so much that Trump wins again.

I don't want to end this blog entry on a Trump note. So, here's one more bit of news.

My four-legged blind friend died on July 3rd. He was staying with us from June 6th through July 6th. He had developed some more health issues in May. And they flared (plus more), beginning about the second week he was with us. His humans were unable to get back when he took a turn for the worse on the night of July 2; they were on a ship near Scotland. We communicated often. It was a hard decision for them to make while away, but I think they did the right thing. The dog's lifelong vet thought it was the compassionate thing to do. I thought so too.

I gently held my four-legged friend as his vet gently euthanized him. I'd never done that before, held a pet when they were euthanized. It was a tough day. But I was honored to be with him. Perhaps I'll post more about him later.

I'm honored that I got to share in some of his life. He saw me through some of my darkest hours. I loved him dearly and will miss him...

RIP dude. 

You will always be in my heart.