Ten Years

In 2018, I read most of a book titled Mind Over Medicine by Lissa Rankin, MD. I forget what exactly prompted me to buy the hardcover book, but it must have been my preview reading of it on Amazon. 

Used to be, in more brick-and-mortar bookstore days, I'd frequent Borders and peruse the bookshelf. When a book called or whispered to me, I'd sit on the floor cross-legged, open the book and scan it and decide whether or not it was worth a deeper read. If it was, I'd pick out a comfy, upholstered chair and read sections of the book, and then buy it...or not. If I had to rein in my desire to start underlining or writing in the margins, it was a definite buy, depending on cost. 

I still prefer hardcopy to screens. I like inking up a book. Underlining sentences. Marking up paragraphs. Writing notes in margins. And turning pages. And bookmarks; I like bookmarks. 

I put away Dr. Rankin's book when I got to the part of the exercise at the end of the book about writing my prescription when it asked if I believed I could get well, or something like that. I couldn't go any further. I hit a wall.

I think part of the hit was my Way conditioning, about their "law of believing." 

Sure, I want to believe I can get well. But how would what I believe make any difference on the outcome? I have to let go of the outcome, which is something I've been learning for years now. And it brings me peace. 

Dad was rendered a quadriplegic the last 12-1/2 years of his life. A C-4 sever from a head-on automobile collision. I'm sure he wanted his body back; he even underwent experimental surgery to help that possibility. Does that not indicate that he was "believing?" To say he wasn't able to "believe big enough" (something Way doctrine promulgates, in part or whole) makes my stomach turn. But yet, could it be possible for the body to regrow severed nerves if the right physiological chemistry prompted such? Or, if a person could live long enough for regrowth to happen?

Regardless, Dad did "believe big." Way terms; ugh. I'd rather say he "meaningfully endured." His attitude to continue on astounds me now. I mean, it astounded me then. But now that I'm the age-range of when much of his bodily & limb functions stopped working and after living ten years with polyradiculitis, it astounds me more. Mom too, in her care of him. It really is something, heroic even.

So, back to me. In 2018, I just couldn't get past that belief question. 

But in mid-2020, I looked into Dr. Rankin's work more deeply. Again, I can't recall what prompted that. I learned she doesn't teach the "law of believing." I think I'm accurate in saying that she teaches there is something to believing, but to say it is a law (like the "law of attraction") can be harmful. I agree with that. 

Through the past year or so, I've wondered... 

Is my body set up on a pattern where it says "It's six weeks now; you need another injection of steroids." Could it be a neural pathway that is psychological, but causes physiological changes and symptoms? If so, can I break from that pathway? Can I help my body make a new path? 

The heavy metal ions in my blood are down, though there may still be some in my tissues that are dumping. After getting my mercury levels down in 2000, it took until 2005 before I was "well." But I did do low-heat saunas then to sweat out any mercury that might be stored in my tissues. It's not been five years yet since getting the cobalt and chromium down. I can't do saunas now because of Covid. The terbinafine is completely out of my system; I don't think it was the main culprit anyway. But I was younger then too, and that could be a factor.  

And now it's 2021. April marked my 10-year anniversary from the onset of polyradiculitis. That hit me pretty hard in March and April. 

In March I started attending one of Dr. Rankin's Zoom courses, Healing with the Muse, that meets two-to-three times a month. I love them. I like being able to attend them live because of the interaction and community. But if I can't attend, there is a playback.

(More to come...eventually...maybe)