I'm never ready....

Prompt: I'm never ready...or whatever bubbles up
~*~

I received my routine cervical spine injections last Tuesday, March 1st.

It was around my 48th round, maybe 50th, maybe 47th.
I started receiving them in December 2013 or January 2014.

Nine pokes in a circular pattern at the top of spine. 

I've received 37ish lumbar epidurals since December 2013. 

I get the epidurals approximately every 12 weeks.

The cervical trigger points used to be every 6 weeks.
At some point I was able to reduce them from every 6 to every 12 weeks rotating with my lumbar epidural.

Wednesday, the day after my cervical trigger points, I lie on our king size bed and later in the recliner...

Feeling the weirdness in my body as the pharmaceutical agent engages my nerve roots and their peripheral receivers around my body...

Especially in my legs and arms...

My body exhausted, feeling like it has been beat up for weeks on end...

I say to my self, I feel like a fucking rag doll. I'm so tired of it all.

Like other times, I  begin to cry, partly from sheer exhaustion...

An exhaustion one feels after an intense battle and can finally let down...

As I wait for the relief, hoping it comes...

Surely it will come, won't it?

"Let down."

In the past, that's how I've described these sensations...

The let-down reflex of the breast when a lactating woman hears her infant cry and her body "lets down" to allow her life-giving milk to flow from where it is stored in her mammary glands...
The "let-down" releases the full-breast feeling...

I know this feeling because I breastfed my own children...

One for 2-1/2 years and the other for 2 years...

But the let-down I feel after my injections isn't in my breasts...

It's in all my limbs...

Wednesday I cried, depressed.

What can I do to help my self?

I don't want to call Hubby.

I could call Abby, but she is dealing with so much right now.

I'll call Daughter.

Daughter never tries to fix me, never. 
Or even tries to cheer me up.

And that can be most helpful.

After our phone chat I'm able to pull my self up from the recliner...

I talk my self through stripping the bed and redressing it...

Washing linens and towels, drying them, folding them and putting them away...

All major tasks for me...

And I succeed.

I begin to feel my body reach beyond the ragdoll stage. 

By Friday, March 4th, I'd lost over three pounds

By today. Monday, March 7th, I'd lost almost six pounds.

Most all of that from de-inflammation.

I know the inflammation will come again...
And we, my body and I, will do it all over...
Again...