A friend of mine once stated that blogs are me-centric. This blog is no exception. Most, if not all, of the blog entries are snapshots of my life, of my thoughts, of my reflections.
Life stories naturally involve other people, so other people appear in many of the entries. To protect certain identities, names and/or dates and/or places in some blog entries are changed from the actual.
What is the purpose of this blog?
Probably the main purpose has been and still is - to provide a venue to give voice.
Within that, I have an avalanche of feelings and doubts and thoughts.
What other possible purposes might this blog have?
...to practice writing,
...to step out of my comfort zone,
...to grow in my ability to communicate more clearly,
...to learn who I am and have a record of how I evolve,
...to become more comfortable in my own skin,
...to continue to discover.
Maybe I'll grow in my ability to express and to embrace authenticity. If so, then perhaps some folks who come across this blog are inspired in like manner.
I hope to never veer onto a path where the purpose becomes to impress.
The name toss & ripple was inspired by a poem I penned in 2007 entitled significance beneath my sandal. I believe in the ripple effect; the seemingly small actions, words, deeds, and misdeeds of one person ... matter.
Thanks for visiting toss & ripple...
~*~
significance beneath my sandal
(penned march 31, 2007)
one grain of rock
trampled under
crushed beneath
my sandal
no thought given
to its suffering
for it is
but gravel
yet this pebble
tossed on water
rippled pond
life aroused
one day trampled
no thought given
form concealed
underground
another day
tossed to freedom
bobbing shapes
round and round
June 24, 2014
June 12, 2014
"Be the change..."
Spill, spill, spill...barrel full of thoughts.
There was a time I looked forward to my children being out on their own. I would have time to pursue writing or other interests.
Yet, here I am now, in that season of life - children are grown pursuing their own lives.
I feel lost. I feel my purpose is complete. What do I do now?
I recently shared with Hubby that I am not passionate about anything, really. I have occasional passion for hiking the Appalachian Trail, but that's about it. I have plenty of projects I should get about accomplishing. I have written the list...more than once.
In the past year or more, I have thought that my lack of passion is due to no longer having my grand purpose outlined by The Way - the grand purpose of "making available" the "accuracy of the Word" to the world. Up until after leaving The Way, I thought I would always "keep God first" fulfilling the "whole duty of man" by "fear[ing] God and keep[ing] his commandments." My identity was dictated by the scriptures.
But...I no longer embrace those purposes or that identity.
After leaving The Way, I got involved with anti-cult activism; but that passion too has waned.
I'm hesitant to get on board with any sort of grand movement to help change the world.
As I was watching a Youtube video this morning, the man in the video mentioned the life "mission" of Will Durant. I thought, I no longer have a life mission; raising my children was my life mission. And now, they are raised. Underlying that mission was to "keep God first," along with a long list of other commandments.
So my lack of passion is most likely multifaceted, as most of life is. Layers of reasons beneath our actions or lack thereof. In other words, my lack of purpose isn't due only to no longer being told what my purpose is according to scripture or according to The Way and then the flip-side of that in the "anti" crowd; but also, my career as a stay-at-home-eclectic-schooling mom is fulfilled. I have retired from that career path.
Will I come up with a new life mission? I don't know. I have many fleeting ideas that never come into fruition. Maybe I'll decide to stick with one of those ideas for longer than two weeks.
The line "be the change you want to see" has been on my mind lately. To me, for now, that equates into small everyday decisions...like to take home the plastic Wendy's container and put it in the recycling bin.
There was a time I looked forward to my children being out on their own. I would have time to pursue writing or other interests.
Yet, here I am now, in that season of life - children are grown pursuing their own lives.
I feel lost. I feel my purpose is complete. What do I do now?
I recently shared with Hubby that I am not passionate about anything, really. I have occasional passion for hiking the Appalachian Trail, but that's about it. I have plenty of projects I should get about accomplishing. I have written the list...more than once.
In the past year or more, I have thought that my lack of passion is due to no longer having my grand purpose outlined by The Way - the grand purpose of "making available" the "accuracy of the Word" to the world. Up until after leaving The Way, I thought I would always "keep God first" fulfilling the "whole duty of man" by "fear[ing] God and keep[ing] his commandments." My identity was dictated by the scriptures.
But...I no longer embrace those purposes or that identity.
After leaving The Way, I got involved with anti-cult activism; but that passion too has waned.
I'm hesitant to get on board with any sort of grand movement to help change the world.
As I was watching a Youtube video this morning, the man in the video mentioned the life "mission" of Will Durant. I thought, I no longer have a life mission; raising my children was my life mission. And now, they are raised. Underlying that mission was to "keep God first," along with a long list of other commandments.
So my lack of passion is most likely multifaceted, as most of life is. Layers of reasons beneath our actions or lack thereof. In other words, my lack of purpose isn't due only to no longer being told what my purpose is according to scripture or according to The Way and then the flip-side of that in the "anti" crowd; but also, my career as a stay-at-home-eclectic-schooling mom is fulfilled. I have retired from that career path.
Will I come up with a new life mission? I don't know. I have many fleeting ideas that never come into fruition. Maybe I'll decide to stick with one of those ideas for longer than two weeks.
The line "be the change you want to see" has been on my mind lately. To me, for now, that equates into small everyday decisions...like to take home the plastic Wendy's container and put it in the recycling bin.
June 5, 2014
Wings on my feet... (part two)
***
non-prompt: having been there myself
aww, 6/04/14
***
Around 7:45PM, I arrived back at Son's gray, 2000, Toyota Camry which we had parked over six hours earlier in the Massie Gap parking area. There were about four other cars in parking spaces awaiting their hikers. At any moment, I expected my 23-year-old son to emerge from the trail and cross the large, wide meadow to meet me.
I'm glad his driver's door lock is broken, I said to myself. I can change out of my hiking shoes into my sandals.
I opened the driver's door and pushed the button that unlocked the other doors. I went around to the passenger's side and opened the back door. I unlatched my green and black hip pack that now held two empty water bottles in its side pockets. I placed my hip pack in the back seat. I tossed in my green jacket, which had stayed around my waist on the eight-mile rugged hike.
I picked up one of my trekking poles which I had leaned against the side of the car. With my left hand gripped toward the bottom of the pole and my right hand gripped slightly above where the top of the pole joins the bottom of the pole, I twisted, rotating my right wrist toward me and my left wrist away from my body, like I was loosening a cap off a bottle. After I loosened the pole grip, I pushed the top part of the pole over the bottom section; the pole magically became shorter. I twisted again in the opposite directions, tightening the shortened pole. I placed the pole on the car floor behind the front passenger's seat and repeated the process with my other trekking pole.
Both my trekking poles have silver duct tape wrapped around them, a backpacker's trick so as to travel lighter and not have to carry a whole role of heavy duct tape. I think all backpackers carry duct tape, the versatile fix-it aid.
I unlaced and took off my hiking shoes and then my hiking socks. It felt good to release my feet from their protective coverings. I put on my Velcro-strapped Teva sandals.
I rummaged in the grocery bag in the back seat and retrieved a granola bar. I closed the back door and climbed into the front passenger seat to munch my snack.
I wonder where Son is? He had wanted to go eat, so I thought for sure he'd be back here by 8:00. I gotta pee. I wonder how gross the privy is?
After finishing my almond-chocolate-sea-salt yummy bar and drinking some water from my cup that had been in the car all day, I grabbed some tissue and headed toward the privy which was located about fifteen yards or so down the hill in the woods. There were two privies, a ladies and a gents. I was surprised at how clean the privy was, and it even had toilet paper.
As I walked back up the hill, I thought for sure Son would be at the car.
No Son.
This isn't good, I thought to myself. I have no cell service and neither does Son. I'm sure he's not in grave danger. Well, he could have fallen or something, but it's unlikely he would be severely injured. I wonder if he took a side trail and got turned around? He has water for the day and he has a coat and I'm sure other supplies in his day pack. I know he won't die or anything. But I'll have to find a phone if he doesn't show up soon. Maybe he decided to hang out on the ridge to see the sun set. Maybe he hooked up with those four hikers from Appalachian State.
It was getting dark. I turned on the light in the car and surveyed the small Grayson Highlands park map, the one given to park visitors as they enter along the winding road that goes up the mountain. I noticed light's out time at the campground was at 10:00 PM.
If Son's not back by 8:45, I'll have to start walking to the campground to see if I can find someone with a phone that has service. I'll call Hubby first and then call the park rangers. We couldn't do any looking for Son tonight, but we could start first thing in the morning. Hubby would have to call my pet clients that are scheduled for tomorrow. Hubby would probably make the two-hour drive up here tonight.
As the sun set, the air grew chilly. I took off my Teva sandals, put on my socks and put back on my Teva sandals. From the back seat, I grabbed my Catskill Mountain tie-dye sweat shirt that I had bought back in 2010 when I was in Woodstock and pulled it over my head.
I got out of the car and walked again over to the wooden split-rail fence. I gazed across the wide meadow; the trail at the far end was now fading into darkness.
A loan hiker appeared from the meadow, but it wasn't Son. I asked the hiker if he had seen another lone hiker, with a day pack. He responded in the negative; he hadn't seen any hikers. I told him my concern about Son, but the hiker's cell phone had no service. We said our good byes as he got in his truck and drove away.
As I stood gazing across the darkening meadow, I jokingly said to myself, Son must be getting me back for that time at Roan Mountain when he had to come looking for me on the Appalachian Trail at 10:00 at night.
I heard voices coming from the road that winds on the left side of the meadow down to the horse stables. Could that be Son? Did he hike back a different route with a hiker he'd met on the trail?
As the voices took physical form, I saw they belonged to a young college-age couple. The couple arrived at their black Honda car which I was standing near. We said our hellos and chatted a bit. I learned they were Virginia Tech students; the girl had just graduated. They were camping at the park camp ground; it was their first time camping.
I explained my concern about my son to them letting them know that both Son and I were experienced hikers which meant we were experienced enough to know that regardless of how experienced a hiker is, stuff can happen on the trail.
The young woman's cell phone had two bars. Her provider was Sprint, not AT&T which was my and Son's provider. AT&T service sucks at the Highlands, and I wasn't too confident about Sprint's service, even with the two bars. Usually Verizon is the only provider that worked up here.
She gladly let me use her phone.
I tapped in the numbers for Hubby's phone.
I waited as the cell phone screen displayed the word "calling."
Then...it dropped. No connection.
I tried two more times.
Nothing.
***
Wings on my feet...(part one)
Wings on my feet... (part two)
***
non-prompt: having been there myself
aww, 6/04/14
***
Around 7:45PM, I arrived back at Son's gray, 2000, Toyota Camry which we had parked over six hours earlier in the Massie Gap parking area. There were about four other cars in parking spaces awaiting their hikers. At any moment, I expected my 23-year-old son to emerge from the trail and cross the large, wide meadow to meet me.
I'm glad his driver's door lock is broken, I said to myself. I can change out of my hiking shoes into my sandals.
I opened the driver's door and pushed the button that unlocked the other doors. I went around to the passenger's side and opened the back door. I unlatched my green and black hip pack that now held two empty water bottles in its side pockets. I placed my hip pack in the back seat. I tossed in my green jacket, which had stayed around my waist on the eight-mile rugged hike.
I picked up one of my trekking poles which I had leaned against the side of the car. With my left hand gripped toward the bottom of the pole and my right hand gripped slightly above where the top of the pole joins the bottom of the pole, I twisted, rotating my right wrist toward me and my left wrist away from my body, like I was loosening a cap off a bottle. After I loosened the pole grip, I pushed the top part of the pole over the bottom section; the pole magically became shorter. I twisted again in the opposite directions, tightening the shortened pole. I placed the pole on the car floor behind the front passenger's seat and repeated the process with my other trekking pole.
Both my trekking poles have silver duct tape wrapped around them, a backpacker's trick so as to travel lighter and not have to carry a whole role of heavy duct tape. I think all backpackers carry duct tape, the versatile fix-it aid.
I unlaced and took off my hiking shoes and then my hiking socks. It felt good to release my feet from their protective coverings. I put on my Velcro-strapped Teva sandals.
I rummaged in the grocery bag in the back seat and retrieved a granola bar. I closed the back door and climbed into the front passenger seat to munch my snack.
I wonder where Son is? He had wanted to go eat, so I thought for sure he'd be back here by 8:00. I gotta pee. I wonder how gross the privy is?
After finishing my almond-chocolate-sea-salt yummy bar and drinking some water from my cup that had been in the car all day, I grabbed some tissue and headed toward the privy which was located about fifteen yards or so down the hill in the woods. There were two privies, a ladies and a gents. I was surprised at how clean the privy was, and it even had toilet paper.
As I walked back up the hill, I thought for sure Son would be at the car.
No Son.
![]() |
| Massie Gap Meadow |
It was getting dark. I turned on the light in the car and surveyed the small Grayson Highlands park map, the one given to park visitors as they enter along the winding road that goes up the mountain. I noticed light's out time at the campground was at 10:00 PM.
If Son's not back by 8:45, I'll have to start walking to the campground to see if I can find someone with a phone that has service. I'll call Hubby first and then call the park rangers. We couldn't do any looking for Son tonight, but we could start first thing in the morning. Hubby would have to call my pet clients that are scheduled for tomorrow. Hubby would probably make the two-hour drive up here tonight.
As the sun set, the air grew chilly. I took off my Teva sandals, put on my socks and put back on my Teva sandals. From the back seat, I grabbed my Catskill Mountain tie-dye sweat shirt that I had bought back in 2010 when I was in Woodstock and pulled it over my head.
I got out of the car and walked again over to the wooden split-rail fence. I gazed across the wide meadow; the trail at the far end was now fading into darkness.
A loan hiker appeared from the meadow, but it wasn't Son. I asked the hiker if he had seen another lone hiker, with a day pack. He responded in the negative; he hadn't seen any hikers. I told him my concern about Son, but the hiker's cell phone had no service. We said our good byes as he got in his truck and drove away.
As I stood gazing across the darkening meadow, I jokingly said to myself, Son must be getting me back for that time at Roan Mountain when he had to come looking for me on the Appalachian Trail at 10:00 at night.
I heard voices coming from the road that winds on the left side of the meadow down to the horse stables. Could that be Son? Did he hike back a different route with a hiker he'd met on the trail?
As the voices took physical form, I saw they belonged to a young college-age couple. The couple arrived at their black Honda car which I was standing near. We said our hellos and chatted a bit. I learned they were Virginia Tech students; the girl had just graduated. They were camping at the park camp ground; it was their first time camping.
I explained my concern about my son to them letting them know that both Son and I were experienced hikers which meant we were experienced enough to know that regardless of how experienced a hiker is, stuff can happen on the trail.
The young woman's cell phone had two bars. Her provider was Sprint, not AT&T which was my and Son's provider. AT&T service sucks at the Highlands, and I wasn't too confident about Sprint's service, even with the two bars. Usually Verizon is the only provider that worked up here.
She gladly let me use her phone.
I tapped in the numbers for Hubby's phone.
I waited as the cell phone screen displayed the word "calling."
Then...it dropped. No connection.
I tried two more times.
Nothing.
***
Wings on my feet...(part one)
Wings on my feet... (part two)
***


