I can't recall the details of why Denise and Alan had made their decision to leave The Way. Part of it had come to a head when something had happened in a restaurant. Seems it had to do with silencing some questions that Denise had posed and then she and Alan getting scapegoated. The problems she and Alan had involved Bob and Dottie who were their state and region coordinators.
My heart sank; I knew how close she and Alan were with Bob and Dottie. John and I too were endeared to Bob and Dottie. Every time I used to visit or call their home when they lived in North Carolina, I always felt like I was the most important person on earth. I used to say they were masters at edifying others; something I wanted in my own life, to always believe in others and encourage them.
Yet Bob and Dottie had carried out Martindale's orders in 1995 to "mark and avoid" our local area leadership in North Carolina, Mike and Jane, who had been almost lifelong best friends with Bob and Dottie. I rationalized Bob and Dottie's carrying out that command with the fact that their hearts were right; they were doing the Father's will by carrying out the directive. They were helping to keep the Way Household spiritually clean. As we were taught, "We have no friends when it comes to the Word."
"Mark and avoid" was the Biblical term used and a policy highly enforced in The Way during the 1990s. Once when I called it "excommunication," I was corrected. It wasn't "excommunication;" it was a "biblical practice" put in place when people were "off the Word." Romans 16 states to "mark and avoid" those that "cause division" and are "contrary." The Way didn't officially practice it after 2000; but unofficially it still happened.
Just like the Old Testament prophets in their days had to separate the children of Israel from the unbelievers, Bob and Dottie had to carry out the mandate toward Mike and Jane. They had to protect the believers from possible spiritual contamination. Mike and Jane's adult son was expected to follow suit, to "mark and avoid" his parents. He refused and got marked and avoided too, along with the rest of their family.
John and I chose to continue with The Way which meant we would abide by the "mark and avoid" mandate toward Mike and Jane whom we had served with for over 10 years, who had been with us through two childbirths and my illnesses, who had saved my life at least once, who had accepted me after the shame of me copping out on my Corps commitments, who had officiated mine and John's wedding. It was a sobering moment, when we got the phone call late one night in '95, regarding their "mark and avoid" judgement.
It was the right thing to do; wasn't it?
As Denise shared with me, I felt for her. So many people had left The Way due to what they considered as being treated unfairly. I wondered when and if I would ever leave The Way. I had had misgivings over the years, but I remained faithful. I felt if I ever left again, that'd be it. I'd already left two other times a couple decades back; three strikes and I'd be out for good. Appropriate analogy as the number three is the biblical number for completeness.
Denise and I talked for over an hour; I mainly listened. I wished these things wouldn't happen; why couldn't people just get along? I felt I should take a side but felt I didn't know the situation and that it was none of my business really. Denisse wasn't trying to get me to take a side; she simply vented in her own gentle way.
I tried to encourage her. I let her know that I respected her and Alan's decision and that she could call anytime and that we would change the guardianship. I mentioned to her that I had started seeing a psychologist in latter 2000 and that it was helping me tremendously.
When I had told Joe, who oversaw The Way of North Carolina, that I was going to a psychologist, Joe asked if I had been mistreated by The Way. At the time I answered no but that living in Charlotte previously had been difficult; it had felt hard and rigid spiritually. He then shared that The Way Household in Charlotte had been having lots of problems. Joe encouraged me to tell the psychologist everything, even if it was trouble I'd had with The Way. It was no secret to faithful Way followers that The Way had had problems. It wasn't until at least a year later that I began to see how deep those problems went.
On Friday the phone rang; it was Ron, a Way believer that used to live in North Carolina and now in Tennessee. John and I were the substitute executors for his estate.
I answered the corded phone in the kitchen. I didn't walk to the den rocking chair but rather stood in the kitchen by the old-fashioned wooden ice chest replica. Ron and I exchanged greetings and catch-up cordialities. He then told me the reason for his call; some circumstances had changed and he wanted to get all the executor legal paper work mailed back to him.
He called back the following Monday and talked with John. Ron, along with his wife, had decided to leave the Ministry. He didn't reveal that to me on Friday because he wanted to tell his decision to local leadership before letting John and I know. He informed his local leadership on Sunday.
Ron, Denise and Alan, Bob and Dottie, Mike and Jane, John and Carol. We all knew each other. The previous years we had served together at various times in the same Way Fellowships and areas.
It would be a year or so later, when I dared to do a google search on The Way, before I learned about a law suit that Ron filed against The Way.
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Ron, Denise and Alan, Bob and Dottie, Mike and Jane, John and Carol. We all knew each other. The previous years we had served together at various times in the same Way Fellowships and areas.
It would be a year or so later, when I dared to do a google search on The Way, before I learned about a law suit that Ron filed against The Way.
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Click here to view the memoir index: Journey through Memoir (an index).
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