What is Your Agenda?

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In an email someone wrote to me, the person insinuated that I was using other people to push my own agenda. The person and I have never spoken and have communicated very little in type.  I really had to ponder the person's insinuation.  I had to reread our typed exchanges, the few we had.  I put myself in the other person's shoes. After study, I could understand at least one reason they may have jumped to that conclusion; I had not explained my motives or thinking sufficiently (seeing as the person and I do not know one another) behind something I wanted to post on my blog.  Had the individual known me, they probably wouldn't have jumped to the conclusion they did.

All that said, it really got me to examining my "agenda." What is an agenda? Do I have one?  If I do what is it?  Is it immoral or unethical?  Do I use others to advance it?

So I took my questions, pondered, and came up with some answers which I think are honest.

What is an agenda?
One definition of agenda is simply a list of things to do.  We all have that. One other slant on the word is hidden motives.  I think in the context of the conversation I refer to in my opening paragraph, the individual was insituating I had hidden motives.

Do I have hidden motives?  Possibly, so may every one else.  But it isn't something I choose to dwell on in myself or others.  I prefer and endeavor to take people as much as possible at face value, all the while endeavoring to not be naive to the human condition.  I also endeavor to be as upfront and transparent, perhaps quite clumsily at times, as I am able in given situations.

What is my agenda?
In the context of the situation described in my first paragraph, my 'agenda' (which isn't hidden) is to find my voice, to express it, to tell my story, to not be silenced.  I look at this as more of human need, not an agenda.  For me, it's almost literally breath for life, seeing as I struggled with asthma for decades partly due to silencing myself.  Others may not feel strongly about this need, to find there voice.  But I think everyone does to a point.  Some may find that voice not in words, but in music or work or family or art or any other creative endeavor.  I just happen to like to write.

Do I use others to push or promote it?
I really had to ponder this.  What does it mean to "use" someone?  In the context I'm speaking of (finding my voice and relaying my story), that would mean I develop relationships with other people only to have a story.  That, I do not do.  I don't even have that in mind when relating with others.  My relationships are real.   That said, I do not live in a bubble; there are others in my life.  So naturally when I tell my story there will be others involved.

I like the words of Fred Poole:  "I tend to oppose protecting the guilty."  I've thought about that quote a lot the past months as I have often struggled, sometimes deeply, with how to write my story without harming others and without telling another's story.  Their stories are their stories, not mine. However when our paths cross, our stories intertwine.  When I choose to post a memoir and make it 'blog public,' I often use pseudo names, not only of the 'innocent' but oftentimes of the 'guilty.'  In certain pieces, I've even let the 'innocent' know about a blog and asked their permission. Except for once, I've gotten positive responses.

Is my 'agenda' (as outlined above) immoral and unethical?
To me it isn't; it's human.  It's my story.  It's my voice. I will no longer be silenced.  I hope the same for other's, even if their story is one in which I am the 'guilty.'

If someone deems me as being unethical or immoral or disrespectful, so be it.  I'll take the gallows.

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