I read about spiritual abuse...when a person's belief in God, about God, of God is used against them. The person's very core self becomes shattered; their foundation crumbles.
In spiritual abuse, like any abuse, trust is deeply violated...especially trust in one's core self which became lost or buried or replaced somewhere along the way.
Imagine, after experiencing the core self being shattered, that the victim, who knows not who or what to trust, seeks (ever so timidly) sources for help, sources that proclaim they understand and offer healing and support. The person seeking help tests the waters of trusting a source.
It's a huge step to trust. But, trust they decide to do.
Imagine these sources, who are supposed to help, turning around and wielding similar soul daggers as the initial abuse. The source, who was to be trusted, violates (yet again) the person who came (while most likely trembling with fear over whom to trust) to the source for help. Somehow the source or sources that are supposed to be of help, forget(?) or have forgotten(?) what it is like to be the one whose core self has been shattered.
Which is worse? The initial abuse, or the re-abuses by the so-called support systems or even professionals?
It happens. I've read peoples' stories where it has happened. I never imagined I'd be one of those stories.
It is no small thing.
I don't feel much trust these days. My heart is a bit crustier. I'm kneading it, with hopes it will rise.
_______________________
4 comments:
Carol, I understand and can relate. The subsequent traumas affect us so deeply, and there are few who understand. Hang in there, keep trying, and lean heavily on the Lord to provide hope, healing, and new life. He cares for us so deeply and knows every thing we walk through as he is going through it with us.
~Sherie
((Oneperson))
(((HUGS)))
April XXOO
Thanks Sherie.
I've thought about you and your situation the past weeks/months in light of what I've been sharing on my blog; ie: reabuse by so-called healing sources.
It can be quite confusing. I still sometimes hear the good therapist voice and words in my head and then I hear the degrading/humilating/mocking therapist voice and words. It can be crazy making. I've said before, I wish I had a switch to just turn it all off.
I know the wall-crawling that I feel inside will subside over time. In the meantime, I'm trying to allow myself to feel...to not minimize or magnify and still allow the feelings to surface. And to stand outside myself and look in to try to be objective. It seems the more objective I am, the clearer the abuse of power that happened. And that then gives rise to anger, which is probably not a bad thing.
Thanks for your words of support...and for reading. It means a lot...
To life and hope and trust,
~carol
Thanks April...
Hugs right back to ya'.
I'm so very thankful for that cornfield of yours!!
xoxo
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