Sometimes I get paralyzed to take action regarding my daily mundane activities. They seem so pointless and mundane, but they aren't. Schedules are about people. Bills are about people. Everything we do is about people, I would think.
People matter.
Today, as I sat on my king-size bed meditating, bringing my focus to my breath and then allowing thoughts to float in and out while my psyche and heart observed the thoughts and my bodily responses, I felt anxious. My body was tight.
I had to tell myself to breathe.
My body relaxed.
Tears then welled in my eyes, but they never made their way down my cheeks.
I have nothing to fear. If I get tense during the hearing, simply remind myself that I am simply telling the truth. That is all I have to do.
I am a witness in an upcoming hearing. I probably won't even be cross-examined because the person being charged will most likely not even show. The hearing isn't in front of jury or judge but rather a licensing board.
I asked my self, Why the tears?
My response was, Because it hurts. Sometimes the truth hurts.
My self response continued, But I don't think that's why I have tears. I think I have tears because this two-year mess is finally coming to a close. I won't be calling the state or the state calling me with updates and questions and more information surrounding the case. I won't be wondering how it will end. It will be done.
And another part of me wonders if "it" will ever be done.
And that part hurts....
_________________
2 comments:
I'm not sure it does end but I do think maybe it changes and the hurt becomes a bit distant, sort of like birth. Hurt like (well you know) and we remember it, the hurt, but it isn't felt the same way. Hmm? Does that makes sense?
I think anxiety in this situation is to be expected. Maybe having it now will lesson it during your testimony. I hope so. More hugs.
Yes, I agree.
Good point about the having the anxiety now perhaps lessening it during my testimony.
Thanks so much for your words of encouragement!
:)
~Carol
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