Today I feel grief.
At least I recognize the emotional pain and can state what it is.
I am trying to not suppress the grief.
At the same time, I am endeavoring to be grateful for all the good in life.
After the grief today, I felt anger and determination.
I told myself, "I will not allow this illness to steal my dreams."
But, at the same time, I must somehow accept the reality that this may never go away and will always be.
My father lived as a quadriplegic for 13 years due to a car wreck.
He lived a full life those 13 years, in spite of his disability
I can adapt and live a full life too, even if I need to change some of my dreams.
***
4 comments:
Carol, I have a friend who lost her oldest son last year unexpectedly, and has been having a terrible time coping, way up one day, back to the pits of despair the next. I can't imagine the grief a mother feels when she loses a child and pray I never have to find out.
Unfortunately, there is no manual written on how to cope with grief of any kind...if only we could abide by that cartoon I think you posted on Facebook a couple days ago I shared. She emailed me and said she really appreciated that thought and I will repeat it here:
"Learn a lesson from your dog...no matter what life throws you...kick some grass over that shit and move on!"
"I can adapt and live a full life too, even if I need to change some of my dreams."
I have faith you can and will because you are a very strong woman! ♥♫
It is healthy to grieve the pain and the loss of dreams. It takes courage and strength to weep.
Much love.
Thanks Anna...
I too hope I never have to find out the grief from the loss of a child. I would think all moms and dads have imagined such. I know I have.
A book I found that helped me with grief is entitled "Good Grief." Like others, I have felt intense grief (like someone had died, but no one had) that I felt was "unjustified" because (after all) no one had died and I had a good life in comparison to history and many (most?) folks who are alive or have ever lived.
At some point, as my manner is, I went book hunting for a book about grief not related specifically to physical death. It seems most information (at the time I was looking in 2006ish) related to physical death. "Good Grief" includes coping with the death of a loved one, but it more specifically addresses "loss" of anything in life and in learning to acknowledge losses (and not dismiss, which is what I do to myself...dismiss myself).
Maybe I should pull out my book, unless I loaned it down the black hole somewhere.
I saw the neuologist last Wednesday and go back on the 17th for more tests. All my blood tests came back normal. (Nothing new, as they have all come back normal for two freaking years.) As I've continued to research peripheral neuropathy (PN) online, I see that others have similar experiences. I'm hopeful that my neurologist will live up to my GP's description of neurologists being problem solvers and getting to an answer.
One thing for sure, none of this started until about my fourth week on the drug terbinafine, which I went off of about the 5th week of taking it when it dawned on me that these symptoms could be related to the drug and after I online searched about it.
One of the causes of PN is a drug-induced. Now, what to do about it beyond what I have been doing about it. Aargh.
Well, if I sound "negative" I guess I am right now. Last night was a hard night and today is not a good day for me. :/ That said, I will tell myself to not feel "bad" for sounding "negative." And maybe as the evening comes on I will fare better.
Yeah...I love that little cartoon with the dog. :D
Thank you Anna!
xoxo
Thank you Zoe...
Much love backatcha...
xoxo
<3
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