Sometimes I feel selfish with my dream, a dream to thru-hike the Appalachian Trail. Who else is that dream for, other than me? How does it benefit anyone, but me? It isn't an altruistic dream; it is a me-dream. I have no lofty aspirations of serving others within that dream.
I have tried to justify that dream. After all, if the individual raises their own consciousness, doesn't that benefit her neighbor? Doesn't her influence in her tiny circle then cause ripples in the pond - tiny reservoirs helping the water tributary system, spawning life, replenishing the earth, supplying evaporation vessels which then supply sustaining rains?
Wouldn't thru-hiking the Appalachian Trail raise my consciousness? What of the people I meet along the trail, other hikers and backpackers? I don't think of them as having selfish dreams; why am I so important that I feel my dream has to be justifiably altruistic?
Are not all our human dreams selfish at some level? Maybe "selfish" isn't the right word, but most all our decisions are about the self.
It is not evil or wrong to desire more of life. The trail is more life to me. To have all I need on my back. To learn more deeply a respect and interdependence with nature, including humanity. Us humans are a part of nature, bipeds with thumbs.
The kinship that backpackers know in an instant - it is tangible, yet cannot be described with mere words.
Like love making or love longing or grief or jubilation or a myriad of other emotions and experiences. None can be described adequately with words. A reader of such words has to have done that, been there, in some sort of capacity in order to dive and know what the author endeavors to convey. Like a photograph which can never fully capture the expanse and depth and fullness of the valley, of the climb, of the precipice, of life.
Selfish or not, I long and dream to be among the trail with kinfolk.
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4 comments:
I do hope you get to hike the Appalachian Trail someday Carol and it proves to be everyone you dreamed it would be. Having aspirations to do challenging things makes life worth living.
After my grandson returned from a year's tour in Iraq, every spring break and holiday he can manage, he straps all the necessities on his back he will need for however long he plans to roam, sometimes with buddy's, sometimes alone. He has hiked to places few have ever ventured. When I asked him once if it ever scared him, he replied, "No Grandma, I found out in Iraq how never to be scared again. I get to see spider webs dripping with dew early in the morning, and the sun rise orange from a high mountain peak, and lots of other things most folks only dream about."
Go for it Carol!
JAL once described that feeling as "the camaraderie of the committed." Although he wasn't talking, as you know, about hiking the Appalachian Trail, I think a similar feeling is what you are describing in that instant kinship you feel...you have a deep, shared experience with the hikers you meet and you share a passion for what you are doing...just my thoughts.
SP
I think it sounds like a wonderful dream. I think you should do it if you can.
If you are want to be more altruistic, then perhaps you can think of some ways to help another hikers you meet along the way. I think a simple smile is a wonderful act of kindness. But maybe an extra water bottle or granola bar to share?
Another way to look at it is when we take time to nurture ourselves we have more to give to others. :)
Thanks ya'll for reading and commenting.
:)
Maybe I'll respond with more later...and maybe not. ;)
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