Thoughts from the inner critic and elsewhere

If it's not practical, efficient, and profitable...it is a waste.

You have nothing of value to add to the conversation.

He married you for sex and for your body and because ya'll believed the same thing. Those three attributes have vastly changed; none meet the standard anymore.

It is too late to dream; you've already awoken.

If you make it public, someone will try to fix you, you know.

You have no backbone; you can't handle criticism and often do not even know your opinion on the matter.

There are already too many words.

In war, you will have to choose a side.

What would you be if you disallowed others peeking in?

There are more opinions than there are insects.

The web worker's season has begun.

The weeping cherry tree has already dropped all her leaves and it's not even the end of August. Does she do that every year? Is that why she is a weeping tree because she is the first to cry?

It is okay to rest; that is why you reduced your stress load. Take a break.

Whoever decided that loneliness is unhealthy or bad or something that needs fixing? Isn't it just another unavoidable dimension of life?

What is the point of words if one is always left with questions?

Joni Mitchell and The Circle Game; I am alive this round on the carousel where I have landed with others on this round, and at every round the carousel rearranges.

A trillion happenings have led to this moment; a trillion more await.

Like each tiny cell is a universe, so are these steel machines supported by rubber tires mounted on metal wheels roaming about on asphalt. I wonder what is happening in the one beside me? I wonder what all this will look like another 100 years from now? And birds will still soar with wings.

"The Circle Game" ~ Joni Mitchell

Today I played....

...with colored pencils.

It all started with circles that turned into a lollipop...and then the lolli popped.

Quite elementary, but colorful.

I've always thought it'd be fun to grow gills. In the womb, we all had gill-like apparatus.

I entitled it Cousins.

"Where does the fire go when the flame goes out?"

I wonder if I'll click "publish" with this piece I am typing at the moment?

I wonder what will come off my keyboard?

I wonder if I will edit and re-edit until I kill whatever letters and words manifest?

"Campfires" presented in my previous post.

I immediately thought of "night-owls," which were informal nighttime Way gatherings for reflection and prayer and peaceful songs.  I used to love night owls and the warm, fuzzy feeling I got as I sat around the campfire and sang Got Any Rivers with the saints; as I listened to "Dr." Wierwille "share his heart" about God and His Word and how people are to be loved, never used; as I listened to other believers speaking as God "led" them to share; as the believers would "bring forth" speaking in tongues with interpretation and prophecy; as we would pray "lifting" individual needs and the needs of our country; as I would feel the woods nearby the campfire - the cool of the air as I sat warmed and cozy among the saints. Gratitude and security often filled my heart knowing I was in the Household of God and that the truth would always guard my heart and that I was called and chosen to bring the accuracy of God's love and light to the world - not being of the world but living in the world as a son of God. In The Way, "son" of God was used interchangeably to also mean "daughter" of God.

After my thoughts regarding "night-owls," I thought of campfires in general, outside the context of The Way; the yellow and orange with occasional blue flames that arise from the logs as I watch the flames dance and the burning logs crackle and spark; the aroma of timber being changed to fuel for heat and light and comfort; the stillness of the night with wildlife at bay and perhaps fearfully or curiously peering from a distance at the hypnotic flames.

When backpacking I don't build a fire, or at least I haven't yet. I'm always too busy with other things at the end of the day - setting up camp for the night, preparing food, hanging my food from a tree, tending to hygienic needs, settling in for the night as I lay and listen to the night sounds echoing outside my tent. Plus I don't want to have to use my precious filtered water to douse a flame, even if there might be a nearby water source.

When Son was around four years old he asked, "Where does the fire go when the flame goes out?"

I don't recall if Hubby or I even tried to answer that question.

I Peter 3:15?

non-subject: the answer
aww ~ 7/31/13

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Fall, 1978.

I sat in the leadership meeting in Wisconsin. Rev. Alan Ell was running the meeting. Alan was 6th Way Corps, probably in his mid-to-late 20s.

I was 19 years old, apprentice Way Corps, and serving as a WOW Ambassador. I would be entering in-residence into the 10th Way Corps at the end of my one year of service as a WOW. WOW was an acronym that stood for Word Over the World. Word Over the World meant that our goal was to move the rightly-divided Word of God so that it would be made available to every community on earth where a person was hungering and thirsting after righteousness.

As an Ambassador for Christ I was to speak the Word in season and out of season; that is, whether I felt like it or not. I was a shining light for God, God's messenger. I had Christ in me and could perform the works of Jesus Christ and greater works. Christ's works were that of healing the sick, raising the dead, casting out devil spirits, manifesting God's power, speaking the truth in love. The greater works included getting the natural man born again of God's spirit and receiving eternal life. Jesus Christ could not do that greater work when he was on earth because he had not yet died and arisen and ascended; being born again, or more accurately "born from above," was only made available to mankind beginning at the Day of Pentecost.

As a Word Over the World Ambassador I would spiritually grow ten years in one. That's what Doctor said, "If we really want to grow, then go." That is, go WOW now.

I faithfully reviewed and recited my retemory cards, business-size cards with a King James scripture verse printed on each card. Over the decades, The Way had different packs of retemory cards: Foundational, Intermediate, Advanced, Dealing with the Adversary, Abundant Life, Word in Business, Way Corps, L.E.A.D., and more. Each pack focused on a certain Ministry class or aspect of the Word. Some cards were printed with certain Ministry definitions or principles and not scripture verses, such as the definition of "word of knowledge" or a Way Corps principle.

I sat in the leadership meeting in a believer's home in a basement in Wisconsin. It seems there were about 20 to 30 believers at the gathering. Rev. Ell was calling on different indiviuals at random to recite whatever retemory card he wanted us to recite. Each retemory card in a pack was numbered. Rev. Ell would say, "Number 10." We leaders were to know the card right away and state the scripture reference, recite the scripture word perfect, and give the scripture reference again. My Way Branch leader at the time, David Dubew, had admonished me to know those retemory cards in my sleep. This was eternal life and the accuracy of the Word at stake. The devil was always after the accuracy of the Word.

Rev. Ell called on one of us to recite a card. The man he called on responded with silence; he could not bring to memory the retemory.

Alan then asked the group, "Does anyone in here know the retemory?"

A momentary hush fell on the room.

I immediately jumped to my feet and bolted forth what I thought was the retemory that Rev. Ell sought.

"I Peter 3:15. But sanctify the Lord God in your hearts: and be ready always to give an answer to every man that asketh you a reason of the hope that is in you with meekness and fear. I Peter 3:15." *??*

As I ended my retemory recitation, the pitch of my voice rose slightly like I was asking a question indicating my own self-doubt regarding my answer.

Alan responded in military tone but with a hint of smile on his lips, "Is that a question or an answer Hamby?"

I responded with a hint of a smile, "It's an answer."

He nodded his approval, his smile a bit broader.

I was Way Corps in training, an Ambassador for Christ.

"It is Written" - that was the Way Corps motto.

*********