I hope that the ABC Nightline Prime exposure will put that last bit (and enough) doubt in, at least, some Church of Wells followers' minds and hearts to make the break....as scary as it might feel for them to make an exit.
With that in mind, following is an excerpt from some dialog that I shared in some personal correspondence last week. I'm posting the following excerpt just in case, a Church of Wells doubting member takes the chance to google search the "Church of Wells" and by some slight chance finds this blog entry. I figure the more exposure, the better...especially for the current CoW followers that are having doubts.
[Note: The excerpt below was not written in regard to the Church of Wells, but the same issues often apply when one is considering (often with great fear) an exit from a coercive group.]
[Begin excerpt]
...Every person's exit is individual...depending on the person's depth of involvement, length of time involved, local leadership (regarding larger groups which then meet in more local contexts of smaller groups), the person's own temperaments, and I'm sure other factors that I can't think of now. With all that in mind, following are some factors that I was confronted with. I know other former cult members have had similar, if not the same, experiences on one level or another.
Fear..."Who can I trust "out there?" "Where can I turn?" "How can I leave my spiritual family?" "Will I become 'mark and avoid'?" "How will I hold my own family (husband and children) together?" And on and on. I can list lots more of the fears. Who can I trust beyond the group was HUGE for me, and I know it has been the same for others.
Once a person decides to exit, s/he might exit via a "splinter" group of the larger org...via others who have defected. And the person may continue with that splinter group the rest of their lives. But, in that case, tactics are at least eased. Shunning being one of the first tactics to go. Once the 'walkaway' knows s/he can trust someone; that trust will grow toward others. They will learn that the larger world is not a place lurking with devil spirits or suppressive persons in every corner, but rather a place filled with diversity...some of that diversity includes things to beware and much of it things to investigate and some to embrace.
Once a person exits, s/he is also quite vulnerable for a time, depending on many factors including the ones listed previously. S/he may at some point jump wholeheartedly into activism in an anti-cult-type arena. And that may be great for them. But, certain anti-cult groups can be harmful as well.
After a person exits, s/he may experience overwhelming grief and loss...and miss their former group and/or belief system...both which gave them great purpose. There would have been what seemed wonderful and genuine experiences in the group. If all was bad, in all likelihood, the former member wouldn't have stayed with the group. If the person can learn to embrace the loss and not stuff it and learn to incorporate that loss into their life experiences, health awaits on the other side. ...
[End excerpt]
churchofwellsexitplan@hushmail.com and 206-984-6859
[I don't live near Wells and am not friends with anyone involved with the Church of Wells. Due to my past and due to interest in cultic groups and due to the fact that this group is so young (as a group and in the ages of the leaders and members), I took an interest in middish-March and have been reading CoW's website (mainly the testimonies and rebuttals) along with other news articles.]
Links to the ABC Nightline Prime feature on the Church of Wells:
Part 1: Church of Wells: Tracking Down Controversial Religious Group
Part 2: Church of Wells: Searching for Answers
Part 3: Church of Wells: Confronting the Elders
Links to my blog posts regarding Church of Wells:
Church of Wells: I see no good end ....
More thoughts regarding the Church of Wells...and The Way...and us humans...and...
Church of Wells ...when the doubts arise...
21 comments:
Their website gives me the creeps. Talk about judgement. No, no it's "good news".
I hope that these families get their kids back. It's very sad.
I watched that last night. Since I was involved in a bible cult- joined in my mid 20's & escaped 19 years later- I too feel for these young people. In some ways I wonder if it's not the truly devoted and sincere ones who follow & get hurt the worst?
Like you Carol, I was not lukewarm, I gave my all for the cult for many years. The control was hidden- as we were allowed to wear pants, makeup, even the women had jobs outside of the home. So it would be harder for an outsider to perceive the spiritual abuse. we blended in better w/ the world & of course harder to spot as being a restrictive religious group.
But one thing I do notice is that just like Ben Mott, these guys wont talk to outsiders, like the news. If what they have and what they are is so so important, why HIDE? Why runaway. Shouldn't the truth be willing to take the scrutiny of the sinful world if it's so "right"?
My xpastor is that way. He hides, doesn't show the true colors of what he believes. He believes just like the Westboro Baptist church does!!
ABC Nightline Prime. Not "Primetime." Different show.
People leaving The Church of Wells would probably find the book, THE SUBTLE POWER OF SPIRITUAL ABUSE enlightening, as you, I, and many others did.
SP
Thanks Anonymous!
Corrected. :-)
I hope so too.
I think that Dan Harris and Nightline Prime did an excellent job...being persistent yet respectful.
And the parents in the interviews deserve huge kudos.Way to go in speaking up. I can only imagine what they have been through.
Fortunately, some of these so-called leaders with extreme narcissistic traits eventually reveal themselves once their lies are exposed.
You stated regarding Ben Mott's group: "The control was hidden- as we were allowed to wear pants...So it would be harder for an outsider to perceive the spiritual abuse. we blended in better w/ the world & of course harder to spot as being a restrictive religious group..."
It was similar with The Way (depending on what years a member was involved) and of course can be seen in other groups/manipulative relationships as well. It's slippery. Kind of like a carrot on a stick.
Now that tune "True Colors" is running through my mind. ;D
I have little doubt that some CoW members are doubting...in the quiet of their own hearts.
And yes...that book was crucial for me too.
The Way only practiced extreme shunning in the 90s...and it is a horrible practice, as you well know. I'm beyond thankful for the ex-Way folks who stood up and didn't comply with that heinous abuse.
Sadly...I was a slow learner. Fortunately, I did learn. I know these CoW can learn too. And they are so young.
April, you are right on about that. Looking back it just amazes me how I could have been sucked in and I don't even like carrots! I admire you for breaking from that cult, but I hope you didn't throw God out with it. Our God is not found 'in a box', an organization formed by man. We do not need a religious man or membership in any cult or denomination to worship and communicate with our God.
Hi Anonymous,
I do not believe the same things I used to, thankfully. :)
I don't want to waste my time speculating on "God" issues, as I saw way too much fighting over jots and tittles & who was doing bible religion the "right" way and then others being judged harshly because they believed things differently. I saw & experienced how rigid religion hurts people- and builds walls, instead of bridges.
That's where I am at right now, actually for a few years already I've come to that conclusion. If there is a "God" it certainly doesn't need me to worship him/she/it as God would be content with himself/herself. My children know I love them, but I don't need or demand their worship. I dont think a God would demand or need worship. Just my opinion though. :)
I know exactly how you feel, as I have been burnt twice with man made doctrine and opinion trying to put "their God" into a little box of control. It's very easy to come to the conclusion you have as that's where I was for some time, and I still have times of unbelief. Actually, where you are at now is a good place to be. You have come to the factor that no man has the truth, so if you are a child of God you will eventually be given faith to believe that only God is true and every Man a liar. You are correct, God does not demand worship. If you are a child of God you will worship God out of love, not demand, especially demanded by a Papal Baptist preacher.
Yes, thanks anonymous.
I call my xpastor & those like him, Protestant Popes.
LOL
LOL, yes, but at least Protestant Popes hold to traditional beliefs like the Trinity and the Eternal Sonship Of Christ.
I find that sects and cults, as the one you were in, usually have off the wall doctrine which is used to separate themselves into the "only true church" mentality. This is what's dangerous. This exclusiveness is what gives them power to control their members.
Hey Anonymous,
I just now saw your comment here. Thank you!
In case you see this response comment...here is a blog entry that I update with Victor Barnard information:
Victor Barnard and River Road Fellowship
Thank you again!
At the time the doctrines didn't seem "off the wall" because he supposedly backed them with "scripture". That's the thing though, the bible can be used to back all KINDS of doctrines, which is why their are thousands of sects that can't agree on what the bible teaches. Yet each & every sect believes -they- and their group- teaches the whole truth of the bible.
Another thing that got to me was pastors like Mott have absolutely no system of accountability or transparency set up for themselves. They become dictators in their own little fiefdom and people in the cult live in fear of them. They have set themselves up as mouthpieces for God and get their flock to believe that and so the people who join stop thinking for themselves. Also nobody EVER leaves on good terms, every person who leaves is made to be evil or an enemy of "God". We were told basically that "God" just might be so pissed at us for leaving the "true church" that he might, kill us & or our children, curse us...take away our talents...it's a system completely built on fear. The leader puts false guilt & fear into people and that fear is a means to control people.
In addition- as if it wasn't hurtful enough, Ben Mott told people in our excommunication sermon to shun us. He is terrified of those who see through all of the bullshit and uses fear to keep people from inquiring from those of us who left that toxic environment.
I know there are people in that church who are miserable. They don't stay because of a love for that church, they are there precisely because they are scared shitless to leave because of the false guilt and fear put in their heads.
I am just SO glad to be out of there! :)
Your assessment, April, so closely parallels mine, I wonder if we could have been members of the same sect? What you say is so true. When I decided to leave the "sect", there were numerous reasons I could have given within a resignation letter, but my wife and I chose to state we no longer wanted to be members. We thought we could just bow out gracefully. Well, just like you said, "...nobody EVER leaves on good terms, every person who leaves is made to be evil or an enemy of "God".
Shortly, we received this "excommunication letter" where the "pastor" turned us unto Satan for the destruction of the flesh. The scripture he used (1Co.5:5 ) was completely used out of context for applying to someone who simply wanted to leave an organization. We had only committed the "crime" of wanting to be out of man's control, yet we got the same cursing that was given the man who was charged with gross sexual sin in 1 Cor.5!
No man has that authority or power over one of God's elect!
I know we are at two different stages in our lives. You pretty much have given up on God, and I have been drawn closer to him than ever before. However, we do share completely in our experiences and making the correct decision to get out of man's control. Perhaps someday you also will come to know God again as I do.
I'll leave you with God's message to the controlling, hurtful preachers of His day.
"It were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and he cast into the sea, than that he should offend one of these little ones." Luke 17:2
"Put not your trust in princes, nor in the son of man, in whom there is no help." Ps 146:3.
I am glad also to be "out of there'. Out of Man's control into the loving arms of God's mercy.
We too received an "excommunication letter" informing us how we were making a "wretched decision" and to look out for "God's fiery indignation to devour the adversary". You see, according to the pastor, because we no longer wanted to be in that organization, we had become God's enemy. Such hurtful words, and using the harshest bible verses. yet when it came to his nearest and dearest...well that's when he would use those forgiving and nice bible verses. But if you crossed him, you better look out. :( Our crime was we no longer agreed with so much, and we just said we no longer wanted to be members....and we were treated as worse than the vilest criminal. Our crime, "variance"...having a different opinion than the dictator pastor.
After how we were treated, and the way the Detroit church had treated others too, I realized I wanted NO part of any group or god who would do that to people. They fight over what "bible versions" to use, stupid doctrinal issues that if there is a god wouldn't give a rats ass about when there are REAL problems in this world, like people in great need.
What I left was all about WORDS...I got sick of words. Who cares what "doctrine" one believes when there are people who need ACTIONS to help them. Prayers mean nothing when one needs human ACTION & compassion to help.
What I find amusing is that I actually READ the bible and came up w/ all kinds of verses that contradicted the pastor's pet doctrines. He would always talk about how those "other" churches cherry picked their verses...well he did EXACTLY the same thing. LOL
I haven't given up on "God"...on bible religion YES. I want no part of that. Fundamentalist bible religion will make this country end up like those countries that cause war and kill and maim over religion. Christians have roasted people, as John-Jehan Calvin did. Bible religion has caused great suffering for those who refused to blindly accept it's edicts.
However if bible religion gives people comfort or whatever, so be it. I understand as I was once there, however it's never again for me.
Gotta add this link: http://www.gospeltruth.net/heresy/heresy_toc.htm
When I read that it blew my mind as Calvin reminded me so very much of my xpastor.
Well, for the most part I agree with you. I would just amend for myself..."I haven't given up on God....on bible religion Yes" to "I haven't given up on God.....on MAN'S religion Yes".
I happen to believe the Bible is TRUTH (not that I can prove it, because it's only belief by faith given to me by God), however us humans are incapable of all Truth! Therefore, I can believe in God and the "doctrine" of LOVE, which is the summation of the law and Gospel, without being corrupted by man's interpretation of that TRUTH which his mind is incapable of understanding.
All these MEN such as Calvin, Wesley, Luther, Knox, Whitfield....ect, were all just Men digging into the Truth, but they found a need to use their logic and wisdom to create their own "truth". Their human nature would not allow them to do otherwise. Everyone has to have the "True Church, "True Doctrine", and "True Servitude"; when "TRUTH" apart from God's faith is a lie!
We as simple humans are all "truth searchers" by nature. Look at all the ancient civilizations. Everyone had their "God" and doctrine of how it all happened and where it's all going. If their faith was not strong enough to believe in a visible "God", they would make their own out of wood or clay.......and they would kill and even sacrifice their babies to Man's Religion and a created controlling evil god.
From what's happening now in the world with violence and war, all the way back to the first murder (Cane killing Able)-It has always been about man's religion.
So, I have come to the simplicity of what Jesus taught. Love, peace, compassion, joy, hope, liberty and blessings-not cursings. No membership in a "church" organization or allegiance to a man required.
I am so happy you have NOT given up on God. You have already rightly defined Him. "God is LOVE" 1 John 4:8
Hi Anonymous,
I have come to a different conclusion about the bible. Believing in "God" is way different than putting my faith in a book that some men of ages past wrote and decided to call it God's word. I cannot do that ever again.
The verses in the bible have been used to back many an atrocity. I don't believe the words of a "good God" would cause such pain and suffering towards mankind, it's creation.
This person sums it up well.
link: http://www.deism.com/bibleorigins.htm
Link: http://ukiahcommunityblog.wordpress.com/2013/04/06/telling-the-truth-about-the-holy-bible-part-one/
Link: http://ukiahcommunityblog.wordpress.com/2013/04/13/telling-the-truth-about-the-holy-bible-part-two/
Hi, April. I understand where you are at, as I have said before, because I was right where you are at one time. Even now I have moments of unbelief, and there are long periods where I teeter between belief and unbelief. I think, could this Bible and God stuff be all a lie? Then just when I am about to let doubt take over I get a rush of faith which causes me to believe that not only is there a God, but He must have left us a book for us to know Him.
Whether you will ever be given that faith that the Bible is His Word is totally up to God, so I'm certainly not going to worry about it. For me, I would rather have a person tell me they do not believe the Bible is the word of God, then to take what they call Truth and turn it into a lie by their interpretation.
Hang in there April. Never give up the search. "The Truth is out there"
Kind of makes me think of the Bob Dylan song "Everybody Gotta Serve Somebody"
Yes, we either serve God out of love or Man out of fear.
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