In-breath...

I wish it were spring now, instead of fall.
I wish a lot of things.

~*~

Tuesday, 11/08/2016

I walked into the bedroom around 11:15 PM. Hubby was already asleep on his side of the king-size bed. As usual he was sparsely covered even though the temperature was to dip into the low 40s. So I pulled the comforter up over his body and gently laid it across his shoulders. He didn't budge as he lay on his left side facing the wall with the two windows that peer into the backyard.

Typically we leave the windows' vinyl mini-blinds pulled all the way up during the day to let the outside in. Sometimes we leave them up at night depending on the weather and our sleep-in-or-not plans for the next morning. Tonight they are pulled down to help block the cold. There are old storm windows on the outside of each window, providing some insulation. There are no screens. I don't like to look through screens. Almost every morning I stop in front of these bedroom windows and peer out to see if the deer family is in the backyard. Almost every morning I say hello to the trees as I am letting the outside in.

These windows face east and every morning on the sunny days, the sun-rays catch the two marble-sized, cut-crystal spheres that hang with invisible fishing line from the curtain rods which hold the tapered rose-colored valances. Small rainbows dance around the room on the bed and the walls and the hard wood floor, which often brings to mind Joni Mitchell's song Chelsea Morning. The rainbows don't last long before the sun moves up higher into the sky.

The comforter on our bed is a cheap one, but it serves us well. Our dog friends have left their love-marks on it. Picks in the comforter from where the dogs will dig before they settle in and lay down. I love watching the ritual dig. I don't scold the dogs for digging on the comforter. That's one reason I bought a cheap comforter. One side is a pale green color and the other a pale bronze color. I flip the sides depending on whether I feel bronze or green.

I crawled into my side of the bed and lay down on my back. The sheets were cool and clean. I pulled up the cover sheet and small blanket and comforter. It felt good. Safe. Comforting.

My head on the pillow, I checked my iPhone. Updates on the election. It was still a long way from done, but there was so much red on the map already. I was concerned. What if Trump wins? What will that mean? There's just no way, surely. No way.

I clicked the phone putting it to sleep and lay in the dark with my eyes open. I felt a sense of trepidation. What if Trump wins? What if Trump wins...

I paused my thoughts, noticing the quiet between them. That space in between, where perhaps some sort of truth resides. It's a space I can't put into words.

I closed my eyes.

As I breathed in and out, I counted. Something I do often these days, to help me self-sooth and enter the sacred world of sleep. Of dreams. Of another dimension.

One with the in-breath. One with the out-breath.
Two with the in-breath. Two with the out-breath.
Three with the in-breath...

~*~

Chelsea Morning
by Joni Mitchell

Woke up, it was a Chelsea morning, and the first thing that I heard
Was a song outside my window, and the traffic wrote the words
It came a-reeling up like Christmas bells and rapping up like pipes and drums

Oh, won't you stay
We'll put on the day
And we'll wear it 'til the night comes

Woke up, it was a Chelsea morning, and the first thing that I saw
Was the sun through yellow curtains, and a rainbow on the wall
Blue, red, green and gold to welcome you, crimson crystal beads to beckon

Oh, won't you stay
We'll put on the day
There's a sun show every second

Now the curtain opens on a portrait of today
And the streets are paved with passersby
And pigeons fly
And papers lie
Waiting to blow away

Woke up, it was a Chelsea morning, and the first thing that I knew
There was milk and toast and honey and a bowl of oranges, too
And the sun poured in like butterscotch and stuck to all my senses
Oh, won't you stay
We'll put on the day
And we'll talk in present tenses

When the curtain closes and the rainbow runs away
I will bring you incense owls by night
By candlelight
By jewel-light
If only you will stay
Pretty baby, won't you
Wake up, it's a Chelsea morning



~*~