Tomorrow will be 13 weeks since my surgery...

My hip is coming along, though it still feels lame. I have a limp, which the surgeon said may last a year.  I concentrate to walk so that I don't limp. But when the fatigue takes command, it's much more difficult. Trekking poles help me. And of course my walker helps.

My energy remains low due to the surgery mixed with my ongoing nerve damage. I'm again limited mainly to self-care.

I've been wrestling with depression more than usual. It's been years since it's been this bad. Depression doesn't help with the energy problem.

Last week I wrote that "I am my own caregiver. It's a big job, being the caregiver and the one in need of care. There are no "thank yous," no pay check, very little acknowledgement."

I'm reminding my self to thank my self.

This past Saturday, I treated my self to a day on the Blue Ridge Parkway. It was a lot of work, mainly due to the weather being cold and all the things I have to do to get out the door. I told my self, "If one of your loved ones was disabled, you would do all you could to make it special. Do the same for your self."

The weather was cold. It must have been 25 degrees with the cold wind on the mountain where I walked through the pasture near Rocky Knob overlook. After my short hike at Rocky Knob I visited The Saddle overlook and watched the sun set; it was colder and windier than Rocky Knob. I counted eight contrails in the clear sky as the sun dipped behind Buffalo Mountain. I've never seen that many contrails over The Saddle. It was the Saturday after Thanksgiving. Lots of sky travelers.

After the sun set, I visited, for the second time that day, one of my regular stops -- the Poor Farmer's Market in Meadows of Dan. Hardly anyone was there, unlike earlier that day when I stopped on my way to Rocky Knob. At that first stop, the store had been the most crowded I'd ever seen it. As I was paying for my wedge of sharp cheddar cheese in the black wax and Saltine crackers, I learned a parade was coming. The fifth annual Christmas parade. A parade in Meadows of Dan? This small, "unincorporated" community consists of a hodgepodge of local stores, a small church with a cemetery, a couple restaurants, and a candy factory. It made me smile that the locals put on a parade. But I didn't stay for the parade; Rocky Knob and The Saddle were calling.

On this second visit of the day I chatted with Charlie, one of the ladies who works in the deli section, as I ate a cup of homemade vegetable beef soup while sitting in a wooden rocking chair next to a life size, old-man mannequin who was sitting in the rocking chair to my right. He was Caucasian with a gray beard and was wearing overalls, a checkered flannel shirt, and a Santa's hat. He didn't have a name, so I named him Abe Clause. Charlie liked that name.

On the drive home I saw two different deer at two different sightings. Each right at the edge of the road.

The first deer startled me because the evening was dusk-dark, that time in twilight when it's not dark enough for eyes to shine in the headlights and not bright enough to see the deer's body camouflaged by the muted light and foliage. She was on the right side at the road's edge.

The second sighting was clearer because dusk had dipped into darkness, and I saw the deer's eyes shine. I braked to a full stop. He looked at me, right by the edge of the road on the left. His antlers were coming in, maybe six points. He then turned around and trotted back into the dark woods.

I continued south on the Parkway.

It was a good day.

~*~

I am  riding my bike again. The farthest I've ridden is 11.50 miles.

My first ride (since the day before surgery) was on Saturday, 11/05. I rode 9-plus miles at Muddy Creek Greenway.

My first partial trip around Salem Lake was on Wednesday, 11/16. I saw three different heron sightings in three different places. At first I thought it was maybe a different heron each time. Then I changed my mind; I think it was the same heron.

That day, in my head, instead of "heron," I thought "crane." I later looked up the significance of crane sightings, though a heron is different from a crane. (I later googled crane and heron. I'm pretty confident the lake friend is a heron.) Regardless, it was significant for me that she welcomed me back to the Lake.  The day before, on Tuesday, 11/15, I was in a deep depression. The ride and the heron gave me a relief from the gloom that has been visiting. "That has" instead of "that had" because it is still visiting and I can recall the heron in the present and bring to mind that bit of relief and connection.

On Friday, 11/18, I rode all the way around Salem Lake for the first time since surgery. I rode it again on Friday, 11/25.

~*~

I accidentally deleted all the photographs on my blog, which saddens me. I'm slowly adding them back. Certain pictures hold deep significance for me. I want to keep those here in the blogosphere.

I've said before and still think that one day, maybe in the not-too-distant future, the internet is going to crash. And blogs will disappear. Or worse yet, private blogs will be made public. Which makes me laugh out loud. Oh the secrets that would be released! But hardly anyone would be able to find them, at least for the unknown folks. Unknown in the sense of non-celebrity.

I wish it were spring instead of fall.

I wish a lot of things.

Muddy Creek. 11/05/16. First ride since 8/29/16, the day before hip surgery.