"Why would they lie?"

Note: Since publishing this piece, I've edited it like a thousand times (figure of speech), trying to pinpoint what it is I think I want to convey and to do so accurately. Maybe I've succeeded, slightly. It's a complex subject, and can be exhausting. I find myself slipping into the need-to-explain-my-why-behind-my-every-statement mindset. I don't like that mindset. It can really take the joy out of writing, not to mention life and relationships.

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I recently finished rereading James Comey's book, A Higher Loyalty. I, for one, believe Comey and most others who have shared their Trump gaslighting stories.

All that said, I have questioned my self. What of Comey's story? What of others' stories? Are all these people just lying? Why would they lie?

Comey's Trump experiences brought to mind certain people's experiences who had once been in The Way. Memoirs and accounts like Kristen's and Charlene's and Karl's. An abundance of stories online that aren't published in books on paper. The many unpublished stories shared with me in private. Accounts of Wierwille's and Martindale's and others' abuses -- sexual, financial, verbal, emotional, spiritual. I was a lay-leader when in The Way and am not without blame from the verbal/emotional/spiritual abuse that I doled out -- not a lot, but some, following my mentors' examples who followed their mentors' examples ... all backed up by scripture. I'm not absolving myself (or anyone) of personal responsibility, just pointing out that I was doing as I'd been taught alongside the creeping normalization of doctrine over personhood.

When I was loyal to The Way (beginning in 1977), and first heard stories (around 1989/90) of Wierwille's sexual abuses and possible cover-ups...what did I think at the time? How did I rationalize what I heard? How did I keep my cognitive dissonance in check, in the bubble?

Well, some of my rationalization went something like this...

• Dr. Wierwille was human. Humans make mistakes. He shared with us openly that he was only human, that love covers a multitude of sins, that we live in the age of grace, that God is a forgiving Father and He looks on the heart, that people are to be loved and things are to be used. The Bible is full of examples, especially in the Old Testament, of men of God who sinned. The flesh is weak, but God always looks on the heart and has cast our sins as far as the east is from the west.
• Why weren't these accusations brought while Dr. Wierwille was alive? Why wait until he's dead when he can't defend himself? Are the leaders who have split off making these accusations known just because they are jealous and wanted to be president and weren't chosen?
• Some of these accusations are outright looney. How many are based on innuendo? How many are outright lies? If ANY are true, did those women seduce Dr. Wierwille? The devil is the "accuser of the brethren" and the "father of lies." He and his devil spirit realm have access to anything that happens in the senses realm. He will twist and distort and lie, especially about believers who are standing with the Household.
• If ANY accusations have some truth to them ... still, Doctor taught the Word, the Word, and nothing but the Word. The good he's done outweighs any of the bad. And my personal and group experiences with him were always uplifting, always good.
• The devil's ultimate goal is to distort and vanquish the accuracy of th Word, especially the "great mystery" and the "Household." To do that, he attacks the Ministry and its leadership. The Apostle Paul was accused by the brethren. Dr. Wierwille was an apostle bringing old light as new light to our generation.
• My immediate, local leadership has looked into this; they are continuing with The Way. And I trust them. What is the profit in bringing all this dirt up, other than to destroy? The Adversary is always out "to steal, kill, and destroy."

Skip. forward. A WHOLE lot happened between 1989 and the early 2000s. But I and my husband continued with The Way, our children in tow.

In 2002, or thereabouts, I was hanging at my favorite hang-out spot, Borders Bookstore in Winston-Salem, journaling. I ended up witnessing to a dude, a black man in his 30s maybe, who had been trying to understand the holy spirit field. He was quite excited about what I was showing him from the scriptures. I was too.

When I gave him my phone number, in case he wanted to check out a fellowship, he responded, still excited, "I'll check it out online and give you a call." I responded, having never searched The Way online and being instructed by leadership to not search online and that the evil things posted online about The Way were inspired by devil spirits and only served to destroy the accuracy of the Word and the Ministry, "Well, you might find some controversial information that isn't accurate. The Ministry has had its problems and been through some changes. If you want to know from the horse's mouth, give me a call." After all, I'd been around for decades; I knew The Ministry, or so I thought.

After that encounter, I felt I should search The Way online; in case the guy called me I could handle whatever questions he might have. That's when I found GreaseSpot Café, an online gathering place for former followers. I chuckled at the name because a follower couldn't forget Craig Martindale, The Way's second president chosen by the founder Victor Paul Wierwille, hollering that folks who left the Household would be a "grease spot by midnight!" Due to a "consensual affair," or so I thought, Craig had "stepped down" from being The Way's president in 2000. He had been out of sight for a year.

I perused the Café and read a bit. I laughed when I read an accusation that Rosalie, who became The Way's third president when Craig was forced to step down, was a lesbian -- the same kind of laughs I'd laughed for decades when folks accused The Way of being a cult, and when I'd heard accusations against Wierwille back around 1989. That's ridiculous. Rosalie a lesbian?! Lol. If this place is saying that, how can anything anyone says here be trusted? I read a little more. Murmurings from embittered former followers, was my impression.

But … I had had my own doubts about things in The Way, doubts that had been building for years; and now I had opened Pandora's box. Plus I'd disobeyed leadership by searching The Way online and reading the words of people who were designated "mark and avoid" for "causing divisions" and teaching doctrines "contrary" to the "accuracy of the Word" and who were either "possessed or influenced by devil spirits."

Still … I went back again and again and again.

As I read and read I thought, Are all these people just lying? Why would they lie?

The dude I witnessed to never did call.