Resentment 2020: Part One, 3/13 & 3/16

Friday, March 13, 2020

Worked six hours at the studio yesterday. Way too long.
Awoke today with severe pain in my right lower back.
It then spread to my right flank area.

This morning I thought, I must have pulled something sitting for so long. I know I shouldn't work over four hours. And really I should only work two at a time. The price I pay in symptoms is too high.

The conversation from Wednesday night with John didn't enter my thoughts.
The conversation about Covid-19 and me feeling a kind of resentment(?) toward the able-bodied.
I knew the resentment was just a feeling, and I tempered it with logic.
But that really didn't help much.

And two days later, I have back spasms.

~*~

Monday, March 16, 2020

I stop riding for a moment.
I stand balancing Bleu, my Trek 820 bicycle, between my legs.
I look around at Jamieson Park.
Jamieson is located at Muddy Creek Greenway.

It's more quiet than usual.
Covid-19 is happening.
Folks are starting to shelter.
It feels like a physical-distancing incubation period.
Like folks are acquainting themselves with sheltering.
I understand that.

A sentence appears in my brain,
The playing field has been leveled people.

I breath deeply, slowly...
In and out.
One time each.

Carol, that's a terrible thing to think.

I try to identify what I'm feeling.
Breathe...
In and out.
One time each.

What are you feeling?

Resentment. Anger

Both are an unexpected response.

~*~

Click her for Part Two.