I lay in bed last night, waiting for sleep.
And I began to cry.
I feel so defeated. Defeated.
More tears flowed as I cataloged my losses.
Mainly friends who have gone missing.
Though I'm really the one who went missing.
Then I counted the few friends who I still communicate with.
I really am not able to do more.
Neurological fatigue simply doesn't allow it.
This morning, I awoke to tears.
I pushed my weary body out of bed.
I opened the blinds.
A lone deer was in the back yard.
Meandering.
Sniffing the ground.
She came almost, all the way, up to the deck.
My heart smiled.
The other night, three doe and two fawns were laying in the back yard.
They bring me comfort.
I'm still dealing with shingles.
The boils are gone, along with the intense pain.
But the fatigue continues, multiplying my normal fatigue.
And my head, inner ear, and jaw still hurt.
On my right side.
Low level pain.
And they itch.
And a sore appeared in my mouth.
On my top gum, right side.
Another shingles gift, I reckon.
My next epidural is on November 30th.
It will be number 32.
I wonder how long Job was sick?
3 comments:
So glad the deer cheered you up .. I hope you count me as one of the friends who has not disappeared.
Love,
SP
Hey SP...
Yes on the count. Thank you. <3
But...really, I am the one who has gone missing. I could always pick up the phone to reconnect with folks. But, I weigh the energy, and that just isn't where it should go. Sometimes, in my rough weeks, the loss hits me harder, looms larger than it is in reality. Becomes a bit distorted. And that's understandable. The grief is real, and I allow it.
I got to spend time with Sarah and her boyfriend and their two dogs and cat last night. It really soothed my soul. I'm rich. :)
Wonderful! So glad you got to spend time with them.
SP
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