Feel where it comes from...

What am I to do with my self today?

Up until 3AM last night. 

I completed Part 3:4 of my story.

 
I feel blue.

I cannot write to impress. I feel a little of that coming on. 

I cannot write to explain. Don't even try to explain. 

And you don't need to make up things based on probably-what-happened if you can't recall what happened, exactly. 

You can share the bits and pieces you do recall. 

And there is no guarantee that that recall is accurate, but you are being honest in that that is how you remember the situation. 

I think you do want people to grasp the enormity of it all... 

And the entrapment... 

It is another world. 

So ALL So everything. 

Sealed so nicely...this gigantic bubble, spherical in shape. 

More like a spaceship than a bubble. Nowhere else to go. 

That's how it was.
Inescapable delusion, believing any choice outside the household was tainted, wrong, impure, ungodly, 

It's like my fishbowl poem. 

Anyway, I'm really tired after the weekend of travel.
And having all my bowel trouble.
And not eating well.
And not vaping.

 
All these "nots."

But there was so much that was so wonderful about the weekend.
And, Carol, you were able to do...to get Kate, etc.
And you are glad you did it.
And you got all unpacked last night.
And you got to see the slide show of Patagonia. 

So, what to do today?
It's 2PM. You need to wait until at least 3:00 to eat. At which time you need to do a smoothie, seeing as you didn't drink it yesterday. So maybe today...just a smoothie and a salad. That is all. Though toast would be nice. But you ate what - 4 pieces of bread and 3 waffles and 4 spring rolls this morning at 2:00 AM? 

For today, simply ask, What's next? 

And do that. Do what mindfully enters your mind...not what reactionally enters.

Feel what it comes from. 

Feel where it comes from.

 

Feel where it comes from...