On the other end of the phone, my friend stated adamantly and with conviction, "I have every right to my anger!"
This conversation took place back in the '90s. I recall standing in the kitchen, holding the receiver of the wall phone, in the house on Elizabeth Avenue. I was a Way believer; so was my friend on the other end of the phone.
I listened, but to my recollection, I did not agree nor disagree with my friend. However, I did think about their proclamation and questioned it in my heart. It was one of those questions that has stuck with me since.
Do we really have a right to anger? I mean, as humans we all get angry. But is it a "right?"
Ephesians 4:26 states, "Be ye angry and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath." The context of this verse is about putting away lying and stealing and corrupt communication, letting go of bitterness and wrath, being tenderhearted and kind one to another, and to forgive as God for Christ's sake has forgiven us.
That's a tall order. I know I fall short more often than I like. But when I do abide by those words, my life has more peace.
(Though I mostly fall under the "agnostic" label, I still find guidance and comfort from certain Bible passages. As far as Biblical interpretations, I lean toward Christian Universalism. If Jesus did "pay the price," he did it all the way.)
So, does that mean I suppress the anger?
No mam.
Suppressing it may cause unforeseen consequences, such as physical illness.
This isn't news to anyone who's been around awhile.
Heck, it may not even take a while.
So, what does one do with anger?
Well, for me, I feel it.
And I begin to question; the circumstances around the situation prompt the questions.
I often write. (Click here for a poem about rage: High Tide.) Sometimes, a CBT thought record. CBT isn't for everyone, but it sure has helped me through the years.
One of my biggest helps is recalling all my blessings, engendering gratitude, and remembering what is really important in my life, the most precious being my children, and now, soon-to-enter-this-world, grandbaby.
Guided meditations and breathwork also help me. (I am an Insight Timer fan.)
Reading certain books or bringing to mind certain quotes can help.
Music, dancing, riding my indoor bike can help.
Drawing can help.
Getting out in nature can help.
Talking with a friend or one of my teachers can help.
One of my favorite Christian authors is Brant Hansen. I often turn to his book Unoffendable. He dives deep into the emotion of anger and what the Scriptures say about this emotion and what to do with it. He questions what I have questioned for years, Is there really such a thing as [human] righteous anger?
This question became amplified for me after leaving The Way International and getting involved with anti-cult movements and witnessing the same kind of "righteous anger" I'd witnessed in The Way, a similar black-white thinking, some of it worse than what I experienced while being a loyal Way follower.
And what of criticism and critical thinking?
Over the years, I've seen and heard folks claim they are "critical thinkers." (This was true in The Way too.) But when I read or listen to what some of these folks share, it's more like criticism, not critical thinking.
To me, criticism is about finding fault.
Critical thinking is about finding truth.
Criticism is quick to judge others' motives, 'other' those of a different opinion, and cast them into an outgroup.
Critical thinking is about being a curious observer, holding judgement until facts are clear. And even then, to remember one's own frailty and humanity.
As humans, we all fall into criticism. It's impossible not to.
But we can pause, step back, take a breath, and put ourselves in another's sandals.
We can step outside our "righteous" opinions, our "right to be angry," and look at the situation as a curious observer.
It takes work and self-awareness.
But it takes less work than holding onto one's so-called "righteous" anger.
And the payoff is more peace of mind.
Couldn't we all benefit from more peace?
~*~
From Hansen's book, Unoffendable, from the end of Chapter 8: Ain't You Tired?:
...Quit trying to parent the world. Quit offering advice when exactly zero people asked for it. Quit being shocked when people don't share your morality. Quit serving as judge and jury, in your own mind, of that person who just cut you off in traffic. Quit thinking you need to "discern" what others' motives are. And quit rehearsing in your mind what that other person did to you.
It's all so exhausting.
...I've tried resisting God's clear command to forgive as He has forgiven me, and I've gone to great effort to explain--again, if only to myself--how whatever I've done really isn't as bad as what that other person is doing to me.
It's really hard. It's really time-consuming. It's really a drain mentally, spiritually, and even physically.
This gavel, the one I awarded myself--who knows why--is really, really heavy. I can keep pronouncing everyone else guilty for the rest of my life, but I'm not sure why.
I don't want this anymore. Maybe you know what I mean. So let me ask you...
Ain't you tired?
[Note: Hansen explains that he got the quote "Ain't you tired?' from a scene in the movie The Help. "Hilly is a judgmental, racist, conniving busybody full of religiosity and anger." Aibileen (her friend's hired help) confronts her, "Ain't you tired Miss Hilly?"]
~*~
Hmm...now Carol, what song can you post?
Ah, got one! Keep on dancing...
