April 9, 2024

Maybe I was intelligent?

I'm not exactly sure when it first started, the feeling that I am unintelligent. But I think it may have been in my heavy-duty drug use days as a teen, when the psychedelic trips started turning bad. I became withdrawn. I had a hard time finding words in order to communicate. Thankfully I had enough sense left to stop the drugs. 

I recall the moment as I sat in my bedroom upstairs. I was sixteen years old, my head in my hands, rocking back and forth, trying to rid the feeling of a bad trip without having taken any acid. I thought I was going insane, and maybe I was. But my one saving thought was, If I'm insane, I wouldn't know it. I clung to that thought. And I turned to Transcendental Meditation for help, which it did. I faithfully practiced for a few years interspersed with breaks. I gave up TM totally around July 1977 after I spoke in tongues for the first time at Resurrection Lutheran Church in Charlotte. 

I then decided to go to college. I wanted to become a Christian counselor, and I wanted to learn Greek and Hebrew to get back to the "original" Scriptures. I chose Montreat-Anderson College in Montreat, NC, near Black Mountain. I chose Montreat because of the spirit-filled community in and around the school. 

While at Montreat I got involved in a small prayer group where people got slain in the spirit and would speak in tongues quite loudly. It was more Pentecostal than Charismatic. I preferred Charismatic; it was gentler than Pentecostal. 

During my first semester at Montreat, I was witnessed to by Way believers but not at Montreat. I was witnessed to in Hickory, my hometown, at the time around a two-hour drive from Montreat. This was in the days when Interstate-40 did not yet go up the mountain. That weekend I attended my first Way International fellowship, at the time called Twig. Twig was part of The Way Tree, as it was called. 

I was a bit uncomfortable when the Twig Leader called on people to "speak in tongues and interpret." How could one control the Spirit of God moving? I was used to a different format, more free-flowing, where folks would speak or sing in tongues as they were "moved by the Spirit" and someone else might speak or sing the interpretation. 

But everything else about Twig felt beautiful, real, like the Book of Acts. The music. The people, The Word. The love of God. I felt I truly had found "the way."

Bill, the Way believer who was one of the believers who had "witnessed" to me, told me about "The Class." As he was showing me the "green card," which is what a new recruit would sign to take The Class, along with $100 at the time, I thought, I can learn all this on my own, at college, as I learn Greek and Hebrew. Right as I was having that unexpressed thought, Bill said, "You can learn all this on your own. But why not try The Class? It can save you lots of time in learning the Scriptures." So, I signed up not knowing where the money would come from. I received a surprise gift from my parents of $100 without them knowing I needed the money to take The Class. This must be of God; He has provided the funds. Once I completed The Class, I dropped out of college to study and serve with The Way. 

I don't recall the feeling of unintelligence at that time, but that feeling eventually crept back in. I struggled with it for decades. And it still comes up from time to time, mostly around folks who seem so confident and adamant that their viewpoint of life is the correct viewpoint. According to them, folks with viewpoints different from theirs are "stupid" or have "low IQs" or some other derogatory label. So maybe they'd think the same of me? I sometimes fall into similar labeling, but I endeavor to extend the benefit of the doubt without being naive. I endeavor, as much as I'm able, to put myself in another's sandals and to remember that I too am human.

In 1998 while living in Charlotte and volunteering as a Twig leader with my husband, I landed for a 3-to-5 day stay in the hospital while we were running a Way class in our home. Asthma, which for two decades sent me to the emergency room often. If I recall correctly, this hospitalization was about the fifth multiple-day stay (or the ninth, if I count the four sinus polypectomy surgeries, which were part of the mercury-asthma-allergy package), instead of just an overnight stay in the ER for observation.

During this hospital stay I looked at my chart which hung on the end of my bed. The doctor had written, "An intelligent middle-aged woman...." I didn't know this doctor well, but well enough to respect him. He was the first doctor to discover my mercury levels were sky high. And he had called me "intelligent." 

Maybe I was intelligent? 

~*~

"He has told you, O man, what is good; And what does the LORD require of you Except to be just, and to love [and to diligently practice] kindness (compassion), And to walk humbly with your God [setting aside any overblown sense of importance or self-righteousness]?" ~Micah 6:8

“In my walks, every man I meet is my superior in some way, and in that I learn from him.”
― Ralph Waldo Emerson

~*~

Todd Agnew is one of my favorite Christian musicians... 
I saw him live in 2006 or 2007 in Mt. Airy, NC...
He performed barefoot.
Micah 6 brings to mind... 

April 5, 2024

"Ain't You Tired?"

 On the other end of the phone, my friend stated adamantly and with conviction, "I have every right to my anger!" 

This conversation took place back in the '90s. I recall standing in the kitchen, holding the receiver of the wall phone, in the house on Elizabeth Avenue. I was a Way believer; so was my friend on the other end of the phone. 

I listened, but to my recollection, I did not agree nor disagree with my friend. However, I did think about their proclamation and questioned it in my heart. It was one of those questions that has stuck with me since. 

Do we really have a right to anger? I mean, as humans we all get angry. But is it a "right?" 

Ephesians 4:26 states, "Be ye angry and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath." The context of this verse is about putting away lying and stealing and corrupt communication, letting go of bitterness and wrath, being tenderhearted and kind one to another, and to forgive as God for Christ's sake has forgiven us. 

That's a tall order. I know I fall short more often than I like. But when I do abide by those words, my life has more peace. 

(Though I mostly fall under the "agnostic" label, I still find guidance and comfort from certain Bible passages. As far as Biblical interpretations, I lean toward Christian Universalism. If Jesus did "pay the price," he did it all the way.) 

So, does that mean I suppress the anger? 
No mam. 
Suppressing it may cause unforeseen consequences, such as physical illness. 
This isn't news to anyone who's been around awhile. 
Heck, it may not even take a while. 

So, what does one do with anger? 

Well, for me, I feel it. 
And I begin to question; the circumstances around the situation prompt the questions. 
I often write. (Click here for a poem about rage: High Tide.) Sometimes, a CBT thought record. CBT isn't for everyone, but it sure has helped me through the years. 

One of my biggest helps is recalling all my blessings, engendering gratitude, and remembering what is really important in my life, the most precious being my children, and now, soon-to-enter-this-world, grandbaby. 

If it's really intense to the point of rage, I may use my Dammit Doll to beat a rice bag wrapped in duct tape. I hit that bag over and over and over, sometimes shouting my rage, until I can let go of the bound-up simmer in my brain, sinews, organs. And then I quiet.
Guided meditations and breathwork also help me. (I am an Insight Timer fan.) 
Reading certain books or bringing to mind certain quotes can help. 
Music, dancing, riding my indoor bike can help. 
Drawing can help. 
Getting out in nature can help. 
Talking with a friend or one of my teachers can help.


One of my favorite Christian authors is Brant Hansen. I often turn to his book Unoffendable. He dives deep into the emotion of anger and what the Scriptures say about this emotion and what to do with it. He questions what I have questioned for years, Is there really such a thing as [human] righteous anger? 

This question became amplified for me after leaving The Way International and getting involved with anti-cult movements and witnessing the same kind of "righteous anger" I'd witnessed in The Way, a similar black-white thinking, some of it worse than what I experienced while being a loyal Way follower. 

And what of criticism and critical thinking?

Over the years, I've seen and heard folks claim they are "critical thinkers." (This was true in The Way too.) But when I read or listen to what some of these folks share, it's more like criticism, not critical thinking. 

To me, criticism is about finding fault. 
Critical thinking is about finding truth. 
Criticism is quick to judge others' motives, 'other' those of a different opinion, and cast them into an outgroup.
Critical thinking is about being a curious observer, holding judgement until facts are clear. And even then, to remember one's own frailty and humanity. 

As humans, we all fall into criticism. It's impossible not to. 
But we can pause, step back, take a breath, and put ourselves in another's sandals. 
We can step outside our "righteous" opinions, our "right to be angry," and look at the situation as a curious observer. 

It takes work and self-awareness.
But it takes less work than holding onto one's so-called "righteous" anger.
And the payoff is more peace of mind.
Couldn't we all benefit from more peace?

~*~

From Hansen's book, Unoffendable, from the end of Chapter 8: Ain't You Tired?:

...Quit trying to parent the world. Quit offering advice when exactly zero people asked for it. Quit being shocked when people don't share your morality. Quit serving as judge and jury, in your own mind, of that person who just cut you off in traffic. Quit thinking you need to "discern" what others' motives are. And quit rehearsing in your mind what that other person did to you. 

It's all so exhausting. 

...I've tried resisting God's clear command to forgive as He has forgiven me, and I've gone to great effort to explain--again, if only to myself--how whatever I've done really isn't as bad as what that other person is doing to me.

It's really hard. It's really time-consuming. It's really a drain mentally, spiritually, and even physically.  

 This gavel, the one I awarded myself--who knows why--is really, really heavy. I can keep pronouncing everyone else guilty for the rest of my life, but I'm not sure why. 

I don't want this anymore. Maybe you know what I mean. So let me ask you...

Ain't you tired?  

 

[Note: Hansen explains that he got the quote "Ain't you tired?' from a scene in the movie The Help. "Hilly is a judgmental, racist, conniving busybody full of religiosity and anger." Aibileen (her friend's hired help) confronts her, "Ain't you tired Miss Hilly?"]

~*~

Hmm...now Carol, what song can you post?
Ah, got one! Keep on dancing...


March 30, 2024

Rise Up....

Much has happened since my last blog entry...
In January I received wonderful news...
For the first time since I began receiving yearly nerve conduction and muscle tests in 2013, I showed (drum roll) ... IMPROVEMENT!!! 
But in February, I had more pain and weakness.

Why, I wondered. What is happening? 

As I pondered, prayed, talked with my Body, my Insiders, Spirit;
I was reminded that too much lasering can have the reverse effect.
So, I lowered the minutes that I laser parts of my legs and arms...
It's helping!!

I lowered the amount of powders in my nutrition shake...
It's helping! 

Acupuncturist lowered the number of needles...
It's helping! 

On February 18, I consistently picked up Synergetics again...
Pivot and dip, push and pull, breathe and smile...
It's helping!

I don't know what the future holds... 
I don't know how much more improvement will come, if any...
But I'll keep on rising...

Oh...
Yesterday I played Putt-Putt!
All 18 holes!
Hubby and I, Son and Daughter-in-law (with Li'l Bit), and DIL's parents...
The two Grandmas (I'm one of those) came in 1st and 2nd!
I was 2nd, but hey, that's no small thing with my limitations...
Go, Carol, go!!

~*~

This song played through my Bluetooth this past week... 
Its timing was perfect...
It's been my get-up song since... 

It just dawned on me that it's a perfect Easter (or Resurrection Sunday, if you prefer) song...
"We all will rise up..."




As stated in the 2015 YouTube description: “‘Once A Day’ is about unexpected moments in life.  Some days we have unexpectedly beautiful moments and others that are unexpectedly challenging.  Last year I had a really challenging moment when my son was diagnosed with a kidney disease called FSGS (Focal Segmental Glomerulosclerosis).  We thought it would break our family apart, but moving through the initial tears, made us realize life is precious and that we need to hug, kiss and be close to each other every day and through that we could ‘rise up’ and face his illness together.  I hope that Once A Day brings inspiration to anyone in this world who is going through challenging times.  Through music, dance and gratitude for this life we can all ‘Rise Up’!” ~Michael Franti


Lyrics (most of them)...

...You never know what the world's gonna show you,
It ain't up to you.
You always think it's gonna happen to another person,
And it's never ever gonna happen to you.
You got your friends, you got your money,
Got your family, got your honey,
You think you got a million days.
But then life comes along
And it knocks you right down to the ground and that's why I say,

Everybody oughta hug somebody, at least once a day.
And everybody oughta kiss somebody, at least once a day.
Everybody's gonna miss somebody, at least once a day.
And everybody gotta love somebody, every day!

And we all will rise up! (Spread your wings and fly)
And we all will rise up!
And we all will rise up! (Spread your wings and fly)...

I heard the purpose of life's to live a life full of purpose,
And so don't ever take for granted what the spirit has given you
In the first verse,
You might never get a second verse,
This ain't a rehearsal, you can't put it in reverse.
Believe in yourself, don't let nobody be a negative or tell you what to do.
Cause I know (cause I know)
In this sweet, sweet life that just this much is true!

Everybody oughta hug somebody, at least once a day.
And everybody oughta kiss somebody, at least once a day.
Everybody's gonna miss somebody, at least once a day.
And everybody gotta love somebody, every day!

So don't you worry bout what people say,
Raise your head up and be on your way.
And it don't matter if you fall today,
Just get up, get up, get up, get up!

We rise up! (Hey)
We rise up! (Hey)
We ri-i-i-i-ise! (Yeah, yeah, yeah)
We rise up! (Hey)
We rise up! (Hey)
We ri-i-i-i-ise!....