Twisted

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Could third time be a charm?

I have written two pieces; they both suck.

How in the hell can I ever write out the complex bizarre scenarios that took place at GreasespotCafe and then The Safety Net and then Safety Net women showing up at the Modchat forum for a cat fight and then the unsolicited phone calls and emails I've gotten from ex-Way (and one never-Way) folks over the past three years telling me of ill and abusive treatment  from certain prominent Greasespot posters, posters that accuse others of abuse, posters that have good reputations at Greasespot.  My reputation sucks over there; my name is mud apparently.   I could probably post "water is wet" and get negative points on my rating scale. Stupid rating scale. My husband has said more than once that much of the behavior at that place is like middle school.

I didn't go looking for trouble over there; the worms from all sorts of cans fell in my lap.  I was left wondering, "What the hell is this?"

Maybe the only way to write it is sequentially.  One bite a time.  The Way days, the homeschool days, the other days, the current days perhaps those are best left to non-sequintiality.  But GreasespotCafe? Every time I begin to write, I end up with an avalanche.  I end up in a web of contortions and wondering how the hell to ever plow through and articulate the mess.

Why?  Why do I want to write it out?  What does it even matter?

A few reasons.  I admit one of those is because I think the place is a hypocritical sewer pit.  Certain pillars there who are guilty of lying, bullying, and deceit turn around and self-righteously convict others of the same.  And I know it.  It's not "gossip."  The shit happened; people involved told me. Some of the stuff happened to me.

In spite of my dislike for the place, which I have clearly made known over there, I feel Greasespot has a meaningful purpose in helping people learn the side of The Way that is hidden to Way followers.   But what of Greasespot's hidden side? 

I hate sometimes that I reacted emotionally at the Spot regarding stuff I got tangled up with. What a mess; it was bizarre.  I would go to work some days and be crying and my boss would tell me, "Mean people do that kind of shit Carol. Mean people."  He was right. My boss was never with The Way.

I hate that I tried to protect certain people; others I'm glad I protected....and I still will.  They fess up to their humaness. But the belittlers and twisters?  I detest that inhumane, self-righteous, better-than-thou, my-crap-don't-stink mindset.  Sometimes I want to use their real names when I write. I don't know why it gets under my skin so bad, but it does.  But then another part of me thinks, "Hell, the belittlers are victims too."

I hate that I care. I wish I didn't care.

After Dr. Rawlins died, I went out to eat with the person (one of Doc's relatives) who had written Doc's obituary. The person was still with The Way at the time, and may still be.  They knew the problems The Way had and wanted to see it change.   

This person had wanted to be a writer and used to journal and had a desire to someday write.  That dream was crushed when the ex-spouse of the person burned all the person's journals, among some other abusive treatment.  That all happened decades back, before the person's involvement with The Way.  So, the relative was somewhat thrilled to write Doc's obituary.  The obit was published in The Winston-Salem Journal.

Dr. Rawlins delivered something like 16,000 babies in her medical career. From my understanding, she was well respected in her field. She must have been controversial at one point as she promoted breast-feeding during  the bottle feeding generation. She hosted the Titty Committee at her home, a support group for moms who were naturally filling their babe's tummies.  Doc was also good friends with Dr. Hulda Clark, a controversial figure in the conventional medical field.

GreasespotCafe posted an article announcing the death of Dr. Rawlins; she had been a prominent Way figure and loved by many. She got involved with The Way in the 1970's and was a faithful follower until her death in 2007.  With the announcement Greasespot posted a copy of the local newspaper obituary that my friend, Doc's relative, had authored.

The announcement brought discussion on the Greasespot forums.  At first, posters were complimentary of Dr. Rawlins.  But then comments turned south, which isn't unusual.  I have no problem with south-turning comments; we all have our dark side, including Dr. Rawlins.  What I have a problem with is hypocrisy.  That said, I may be a hypocrite myself at times.  I'm human; it's part of our condition.  But I try to own up when it happens, as much as I can.

Over lunch the person shared with me how they had felt a deep sense of accomplishment at having written about something close to their soul;  it had been decades since they'd done so. But then, some people at Greasespot took the author's words in that obituary and conjectured evil motives toward the author.  The author was crushed, of course, and angered wondering, "How could they do that?!?  How could they take what I had written by myself in good faith and twist it like that?!?" Of course the author knew the answer.

Not wanting to be subjected  to the frenzy, I don't think the obituary author ever posted at the Greasy Cafe. 

GreasespotCafe. What an appropriate name.

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