Mary Jane and Ruffled Feathers

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When I was 15 years old I quit (yes, quit!) smoking pot. Due to some other factors, my body/brain began to respond negatively to the mary jane high and I would become paranoid instead of 'happy.'

Three years later, after getting involved with The Way, a Way believer friend said to me, "I bet you could handle a joint now. I bet God has healed that part of you that would get paranoid." (O.K.)

I gave it a try.

Nope! After the merry tokes I spent a few hours laying in a fetal position on a floor telling myself, "I'm not crazy. I will come down. This will pass." It did pass. I've not tried it since; and I don't plan on trying it again. That was 32 years ago.

Marijuana is toxic for me.

In thriving toward wellness in the emotional/mental health categories, maybe I think that I 'should' (that damn word 'should!') be able to handle with ease certain stressful emotional situations; say when relating to/with a true believer of any certain belief system. Perhaps I unconsciously test myself, assaying the waters just to see if I can handle a certain situation/relationship without my feathers ruffling...or molting. Maybe I think that proves I'm 'well.'

All-or-nothing relationships/belief systems can be (are?) toxic for me.

This morning I wondered, "Hmmm....perhaps this is similar to when I retried pot to see if I was 'healed' from its negative effects on me?"

Just because I respond with uncomfortable, unpleasant, or uneasy emotional states to certain triggers doesn't mean I'm unhealthy. It might be a sign that I am healthy; that I am in touch with myself; that I recognize my limitations and current vulnerabilities.

Next is to continue to learn to listen to my 'wise' mind when I find myself in those relationship situations. It may mean that certain relationships may never be 'healthy' for me. That's o.k. too; I simply learn to recognize when that's happening and trust myself when I decide, "This isn't a good place for me; I think it behooves me to change direction."

After all, true believers are on every corner; joint toking isn't, not yet. (In all honesty, I hope toking never is....on every corner.)

To life, love, wellness, and my 'wise' mind!!

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