Grief Vessel

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Intention. Observe. Breathe.
Three allies to help me stay present.
Which then helps me transform the pain of loss into something meaningful.

More morning embers while reading from Deborah Morris Coryell's book, Good Grief.
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Three footsteps to staying open and present to the "challenge of loss" (and "the face of love, or the act of creation")

1) I need to have the desire, intention, commitment to keep my self present.
Can I find meaning in the losses? Grief is the vessel for loss(es).

This morning I got a mental image of losses as clay balls. Some are smaller than marbles; others are as large as ping pong balls. (The vessel is inside of me, in my torso area, so they can't be larger than ping pong balls. This morning, the vessel was in the shape of jug. Other times, I've seen it as a jar or vase. It's always cylindrical.)

At first a clay ball is soft. If too many fresh clay balls are added to the vessel at once and allowed to accumulate quickly without thought, the weight of the ones on top will compress and morph the ones beneath causing the beneath-ones to lose their spherical-shape or merge or become flat; their shapes change. If the clay balls collect more slowly over a span of time, they have time to harden and dry and keep their spherical shapes, until the weight of the top-ones cause beneath-ones to crack and fragment and become dust.

The temperature of the vessel is vital. If the vessel is kept at a too-cool temperature, the clay balls will be pliable for a longer period of time, but eventually they will dry and harden and crack and become fragments and dust. If the vessel is fiery hot, it will cure the clay too quickly and cause it to explode into tiny pieces and shards. Both the shards and dust collect in the bottom of the vessel.

But if the vessel's temperature is properly cared for, the clay balls come out as beautiful clay marbles or spheres, or other shapes if they've sat a while in the cool and morphed but not had time to turn to dust. The properly fired pieces may have bits of shard in them from previous clay balls when the vessel was too hot and caused some spheres to explode. Or they may have bits of dust from the clay that sat a long time and eventually fragmented. I can even use clear clay, since this is all imaginary, and the vessel produces crystal balls and shapes that make prisms.

It is my responsibility to tend to the vessel, to keep an eye on its temperature. If not, the vessel could get so full with misshapen hardened and brittle and exploded clay that it develops fissures and cracks.

The grief vessel isn't something to dwell on, but to be aware of and attend to, allowing it to do its job.


2) Objectively observe, be a witness, to the parade of thoughts in my head. Choose the thoughts that keep me present.
But don't suppress. Categorize. Maybe past, future, present?

If my thoughts are draining me instead of energizing me, ask, What will help me get my thoughts back on the path and out of the thicket? Do I need sleep? Do I need to move my body? Do I need a massage? Do I need connection with my energy-sources? 

3) Breathe.
One with the in-breath... One with the out-breath... Two with the in-breath... Two with the out-breath... 

For over 15 years, breathing was almost a daily struggle for me. That is no longer the case; remember.

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Loss happens every day to every living creature.
It is as common as breathing.
Breath is vital for life.
What about "loss"?
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clay spheres by richard weber