Abnormal normals

In perusing things I've posted about Trump on my blog, I'm reminded that my opinion of the madman hasn't changed. I mostly think he is an outright sociopath, incapable of empathy or feeling remorse. At the very least, he is an extreme narcissist.

I hesitate to give the madman more attention on my blog. It feels as if mentioning his name feeds his narcissistic supply in some ethereal sphere and like I am playing into his game to agitate and irritate and incite outrage. And I do feel those things.

I recently read an article that posed the question, "Remember life before Trump's tweets?" I chuckled, but only for a moment. The man takes up too much space in my head. I don't like that. It's kind of like living with an invisible, chronic illness - not readily seen by others but always present reminding the one who is ill of his or her new "abnormal normals."

Too often, as I go about my abnormal-normal day, I wonder...

How can I allow myself to feel that things are "normal" with this madman at the helm of our country? I feel like I'm pretending as I go about my life as if all this shit in the air doesn't bother me. Add to that the string of recent tragedies, still in emergency or recovery mode. I have a home and fresh water and food and income, and my family is safe. I feel a tinge of guilt, if that's the right word, because my needs are met.

You've felt this before at times of tragedy, upheaval, death. This feeling that once trauma happens it seems forgotten in a matter of days or weeks, though it's not forgotten. People have to keep living through the aftermath. Survivors have to keep moving, even as they process and grieve. 

But this Trump shit, it's like there is no end to it. There is aftermath after aftermath. Almost every day I wonder, "What damage will he inflict today, and on whom?"

To help ground myself, I tell myself...

Drop it. [and then note whatever I'm doing at the moment, such as...] Woman sitting, playing with dog.

I take in a deep breath, hold it momentarily, exhale, and pause...

I am in the place where I am at this moment in front of me. Things may not be "normal," but all I can do is continue doing what I am supposed to do as best I can - care for myself, my family, my neighbor, the environment. All I can do is what I can do. Be kind...be kind.

~*~

I limit my reading of Trump. Take intentional breaks. But I still read him and occasionally watch his speeches or self-inflated hoopla at his campaign rallies. Why? Partly because I care and am concerned; I don't want to bury my head in the sand. Partly because of my continued journey in understanding my own experience with cults and narcissists and sociopaths. I'm sure there are more "partlies," but I'll stop with those two.

I think what bothers me more than the madman himself is when his supporters rationalize his lies and bully-behavior, thereby normalizing that which isn't normal for the office of the president. I lived this normalizing-the-abnormal in The Way, especially under Martindale's tenure from 1982 through 2000. I experienced it on a more personal level with John Knapp. And I see the same pattern with Trump and those who try to explain away or reinterpret his flagrant lies, name calling, one-upmanship, disregard for norms of the office, belittling, blaming victims, claiming to be a victim, having to win, being unable to take criticism, and more.

In my experience, sociopaths are mercurial creatures; they wear masks according to whichever game they are playing at a given moment. Of course, all humans wear masks to some degree, such as in private-versus-public life. There are certain standards in society that we endeavor to live by, and rightly so. Those standards can vary according to the culture and the times.

But the sociopath's masks are worn always for their own gain regardless of the expense to others. To them, life is all about winning. As long as they come out on top or appear to come out on top, that's all that really matters. Their masks can crack with enough pressure. Pressure from when their cover stories are proven false again and again or when enough loyal believers defect. The sociopath's paranoia can become more dominant causing a fissure in the mask. If they don't repair the fissure, it can grow. But even if their mask cracks, they won't genuinely admit they were wrong. Instead, they remake themselves, from what I've seen, first into some sort of victim and then into another role, or continuing their same role after some whitewash, in order to feed their narcissistic supply.

I'm hoping Trump's mask cracks. But, he's 70 years old and has played his games for a long time.

I will not dismiss my flags regarding Trump.
My Trump flags are not red, white, and blue.
They are mostly red, and sometimes yellow...casting shadows.