Today is my friend Linda's birthday.
If not for Linda, I don't know if I'd be where I am right now....much more free and healthy. Linda listened to her heart and reached out to me via a handwritten USPS-delivered, old-fashion, pen-to-parchment letter in May, 2005.
Unknown to Linda at that time, my soul was an empty shell. I cried every day with a giant hollow hole in my heart. I was researching how, if I decided to take the step out, how to leave The Way. I didn't know where to turn. I didn't want to become bitter. I didn't want my family to become split.
I wrote a poem in June, 2005, that gives a glimpse of my heart in June, 2005. That poem is here ~ Pinhole View: Prose One.
Linda and I connected via phone that June, or maybe it was July. In October, I made the final decision to step outside "the walls of Zion," ie: The Way International.
Linda now lives in China. It's not unusual for a street or park musician to be playing their erhu.
This song is for Linda. I am forever grateful....
5 comments:
Oneperson,your poem is so beautiful it brought tears to my eyes remembering how dreadful the deep depression I went through years ago, after the loss of a dearly beloved one, shattered my will to exist.
Were it not for "angels" in disguise I would have never made it back. Why we are sometimes tested, I don't know, but I have found out several times that as long as we hold on to faith in something far greater than humanity, help will come in various ways.
You write from the soul and express yourself extremely well. So glad I found your blog. I do wish there was a way to get notice of new blogs on your site, I looked but can't find any. For now I'm putting you on my desktop but it is crowded. I am going to take the time to come back and read some of your past blogs because I know they have to be meaningful and that is my favorite and the only kind I read these days.
Thank you CF...
I was reading at your blog the other day and want to read more. What a ride you've had...so far. It ain't over yet! :) At some point, I want to read your book too.
One day, when I semi-retire, I hope to read all the books on my list(s).
"Shattered" is an apt description of certain losses in life. "Loss" ... what a full word. Full, as in lots of substance within that feeling of emptiness. Sometimes I think our Western world could use some 'wailing walls' to help folks honor that substance and learn to allow it.
Thanks for the kind words regarding my jibberish. Writing (journaling) changed my life. And it has evolved (or maybe devolved...haha) into other forms.
By the following sentences in your comment: "I do wish there was a way to get notice of new blogs on your site, I looked but can't find any."... do you mean is their a blog roll on this crowded page? If so, there is a blogroll. Down at the bottom right entitled Oneperson's Perusals. My blog is crowded on the side bar. I keep thinking about cleaning it up. Kind of reminds me of parts of my house that need cleaning up too!
Thanks again! I look forward to reading more at your corner of this cybersphere.
:)
~Carol
Thank you Carol! I thought I checked a box that would alert me when a comment was made here but guess not. Up in the middle of the night because I drank too much tea before bedtime, and came back to check and found your reply. Usually after a brief time catching up on email, I can go back to sleep.
I, Jon, and others have the gadget that allows someone to put in their email address and receive notice when a new blog is posted on a site. That is what I was referring to.
Writing too has changed my life and I'm still wondering how things would have worked out if I had not started. It has been my wailing wall and works for me...but can frustate some I write to. It's much easier for me than direct confrontation because I have a record of what was said, and don't have to always depend on memory.
Actually that was why I wrote my memoir. I started it right after my beloved mother's tragic death from Altzheimer's in 2001 at another one of the lowest points in my life. I wrote and rewrote it several times for almost a decade before I thought, what the heck! It was my life, it happened, and whether some who had a profound effect on it like it or not, I'm publishing it. I was offered a contract by the first publisher who read it. Perhap's if it had been a little harder, I would have given up. It's been quite a roller coaster ride since.
I think the older we get, the fuller the "box" in our head gets of our experiences, at least mine has because I can't seem to forget much. Sometimes I wish there was a way to purge all the hurtful stuff so that I could just remember the happiness and blessings I have had. It would be nice to be able to "clean" that house every once in a while too. :)
Thank you again-Anna
Hi Anna!
Cool on how your memoir came to be published. Interesting about the 10 years spent writing your life (up to that point). I hid in my journals for eight years before s-l-o-w-l-y moving beyond those hidden pages. My move beyond was on the internet rather than hard copy. I don't know if I'll ever publish a hard copy book; though I am thinking about it....just so my story is in hard copy for any family who might some day be interested.
Ha, on the sometimes wishing there was a way to purge the hurtful stuff. (Have you heard of the forgetting pill? Link:
The Forgetting Pill Erases Painful Memories Forever Scary sounding, at least to me.) Maybe someday I'll only want to recall the happiness and blessings. I have gaps in my memory and would love to be able to recall those times...the good, the bad, and the ugly. But...I still hear you and get what you are saying about the blessings.
I've been uber busy with my business lately (and other part-time job). Thus my delayed response here.
Thank you again Anna!
To life!
~Carol :)
PS: Thanks for letting me know about the gadget for email notifications of new blog entries. I've added it! :)
Carol stated: "I have gaps in my memory and would love to be able to recall those times...the good, the bad, and the ugly."
"Those times" meaning the "gaps."
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