Trust and the "Assertive Bill of Rights"

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Trust is a huge issue when leaving any type of abusive relationship, including spiritual and/or cultic abuse. One of the biggies is trust in oneself. I know that has been the case for me.

From indoctrination, I believed my heart was evil and in me dwelled no good thing, other than the Christ in me. My identity had been replaced with a doctrine. Even as I write that last sentence my mind gets a bit foggy and I think, Well, isn't that true of everyone? That's a similar response I had when my psychologist stated to me, "Carol, do you see that you are an abuse victim, of neglect?" One of my responses was, "Isn't everyone?" He said, "No."

Anyway, back to trust. When I was in process of developing a plan to exit The Way one of my big questions and fears was, Who can I trust? Who do I trust? It took time for me to know where to step next; I would often step gingerly testing whether or not the coals were hot. I still do this. It's not a bad approach; in fact, in my opinion it's good. I am less fearful about it now; I endeavor to take people at face value without being naive.

I read recently about building the "trust muscle." ("This is one of their greatest needs, to have their "trust muscle" healed at the deepest level.") That takes risks. It will also mean mistakes. It will also mean endeavoring to trust oneself, to open up, to learn boundaries, and all sorts of other things.

I utilize bibliotherapy often. One of the books on my classics list is "Take Back Your Life" by Janja Lalich and Madeline Tobias.

Chapter 10 is entitled "Building a Life." At different times with various challenges, I'll refer to that chapter. Perhaps the hints and helps in that chapter would seem like common sense to most people. For folks who have been immersed in totalistic, black/white, follow-the-leader thinking the suggestions can be crucial to recovery and connecting with their identity. Some of the suggestions, I soak up like a sponge.

The chapter, and other parts of the book, address the trust issue as well. One of the helps shared in Chapter 10 is the following.

"Assertive Bill of Rights 

[.....] The following is a list of rights each person is entitled to in relation to self-expression:
*I have the right to evaluate my own behavior, thoughts, emotions, and to take responsibility for their initiation and consequences upon myself 

 

* I have the right to decide whether I am responsible for solving other people's problems
* I have the right to change my mind
* I have the right to make mistakes -- and be responsible for them
* I have the right to be illogical in making decisions
* I have the right to say I don't know
* I have the right to say I don't understand
* I have the right to say I don't care
* I have the right to set my own priorities
* I have the right to say no without feeling guilty 

 

*note: Adapted from A Bill of Assertive Rights, in When I Say No I Feel Guilty by Manuel Smith (New York, Bantam Books, 1975). "

[end quote from Chapter 10]


To sum it up...I have the right to my humanness. So does every one else.

To life and humanity!

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