A Cry for Warmth

aww: 1/30/13
non-subject ~ a cry for warmth
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Loneliness is cold.
Its chill causes my heart to ache.
The ache causes my heart to cry.
The tears drop from my heart into my belly.
My gut fills with a deep moan.
The moan echos like in a hollow egg.
An egg whose shell is made of cold metal.

The deepest I've ever ached is in regard to my children.
I will not put into written or spoken words the horrors I have imagined.
Those imagined horrors will stay contained, at least for now and probably forever.

I wish I would have been a better mother when my children were young.
There were times I tried to force my daughter, Hannah, to behave properly.
At times I would shout at her.
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The Word commands that children are to obey their parents in the Lord.
Obedience means to obey the first time.
A parent shouldn't have to retell a child the second or third time; that's the same as disobedience.

Ephesians 6:1 was the first retemory that children in The Way learned.
A retemory is a scripture to retain in the memory.
Retemory cards in The Way were the size of business cards; on each card was printed a scripture verse and its reference.

The proper way to retermorize was to say the reference, then recite the verse, then state the reference again.
Over and over and over and over.
"Ephesian 6:1
Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.
Ephesians 6:1"

Why couldn't Hannah be like the other girls that were confident?
Why couldn't she just make a decision?
Why was it so hard for her?

She didn't work fast enough.
She made decisions to slowly.
She wasn't thankful enough while doing her chores.
She missed too many details.

Why couldn't she just do it right!?
What was wrong with her?!

"Hannahh, if you can't do it right I'll just do it myself! I don't understand why you can't simply use the rug sweeper properly."
I'd berate her as I took over her chore to make sure it was done properly.
One must always be thankful and always have an eye for detail.

Her eight-year old eyes and ears witnessed my deplorable behavior.
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I hate to think how much more deplorable would have been my tactics had I not bonded with her as an infant as she suckled my breast her first 2-1/2 years of life.

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