non-subject: Thirty-three years old
aww ~ 7/23/13
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Thirty-three years old.
So many dreams.
Some have come true.
In my early twenties, all I really wanted was to marry a good man and raise a family. At the time, I wanted to raise my children in "the nurture and admonition of the Lord." What did that mean to me?
It meant my children would grow up to love the Lord Jesus Christ, to stand upon the rightly-divided Word of God; to know that that they know that they know that God is always good, that God never desires harm or sickness or death; but rather, that God's will is always healing and life; that above all else, God will never leave or forsake them; and that Jesus Christ paid the ultimate price.
One of my great fears was that one of my children would choose homosexuality. I believed all homosexuals were worthy of death and that to choose such a lifestyle was the lowest of the low. If one of my children were to choose that path, what would I do? Would I, could I, disown them, mark and avoid them, so they would learn the error of their ways and turn back to the rightly-divided Word?
To raise them in the nurture and admonish of the Lord meant they would learn to speak in tongues. They would take The Way's Foundational and Intermediate and Advanced Classes. They would learn to operate all nine manifestations: speaking in tongues, interpretation of tongues, prophecy, word of knowledge, word of wisdom, discerning of spirits, faith, miracles, and healing.
To raise them in the nurture and admonish of the Lord meant they would remain faithful in the Household of God which was The Way International, the functioning Body of Christ. All Christians outside the Household were part of the Family of God, but not part of the Household of God, the initiated ones who practiced and lived the love of God in the renewed mind in manifestation.
To raise them in the nurture and admonish of the Lord meant obedience to the Word which meant obedience to their parents and to Ministry leadership which would lead to obeying the Word and the still small voice of God. It meant being good to all mankind but especially to those in the Household of God, the Household of The Way.
To raise them in the nurture and admonish of the Lord meant they would marry another likeminded believer. Part of my responsibility was to help preserve the rightly-divided Word so it would carry on to the next generation.
To raise them in the nurture and admonish of the Lord meant that their temptations in life wouldn't be between what is good and bad, but rather between good and best. It meant I would teach them about Dr. Wierwille's life and all the men and women of God who had gone before so that we could be alive in this day and time in this country of the United States proclaiming the accuracy of the Word of God. For it was only the accuracy of the Word that set men and women free.
To raise them in the nurture and admonish of the Lord meant they would know that they know that they know that Jesus Christ was not God, but rather that he was fully man and the son of God. To believe Jesus was God was the epitome of idolatry. The devil would use that idolatrous belief in revealing the future anti-Christ when that anti-Christ would set himself up as God. What better way to pave the way for a man to proclaim himself as God than to have believers already believing that a man had been God 2000 years ago? To worship Jesus as God opened doors to homosexuality, mankind worshiping his own form.
To raise them in the nurture and admonish of the Lord meant that my children would know that they know that they know that the dead are dead, not alive in some afterlife. My children would know that when Jesus returns in the clouds at the time of the gathering together, that the dead in Christ would at that time arise from their sleep state. No one, except Jesus Christ himself, is alive until the day of the Gathering Together. After the dead in Christ rise, then any believers who are alive would instantly be changed and given their new bodies and would meet the Lord in the air. All other dead people, unbelievers and the Old Testament believers, would be raised later at the upcoming judgments in the future heavens and earth.
At 33 years old I knew that I knew that I knew.
But now at 54 years old, I know that there is very little I really know in comparison to the expanse of life and death, of god and spirituality. I no longer believe that speaking in tongues builds one up spiritually. I no longer believe that The Way is the true household of God. I no longer believe doctrines that I once believed, like the "law of believing." I no longer believe that the Bible, even as originally written, is anymore "God-breathed" than any other literature regarding spirituality and life, evil and good, and what resides in the heart of mankind and our future state.
What do I now believe? It depends on which day I ask myself that question.
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14 comments:
Wow! It never ceases to amaze me when I read accounts of what some have gone through being administered to by "false prophets" speaking and teaching on "behalf" of what God expects of us. I went though some of that realization personally, but nothing like what you had to deal with Carol.
This is a very deep, thought provoking account of it, well written and mind boggling.I searched for many decades for the "truth" about God after I left my brain washing religion and came to the conclusion, there is none out there concerning who or what God is, or if one really exists at all. All the various religions are simply what other's "thought." So, I've decided I had just as much right to think my own way as to who or what a Supreme Creator might be and finally found peace with that. I hope you will find peace with it all someday also. I now pray my own composed prayers, not the ones I had originally been instructed to, every morning and evening, and I ask for peace for all those I know are troubled by religion, including myself. I added you to that list many months ago. I don't know if it helps anyone but me to feel this way, but who else counts when it comes to peace of mind. :D
Thanks Anna!
I don't know if I've been through any more than other folks. At least I didn't believe in a place of eternal torment or such like.
Thanks for the prayers. I'll take all I can get. ;D
I do feel somewhat lost these days. I'm not sure how much is due to having left behind an oh-so-certain belief system or how much is due to mid-life changes or to growing older and having family and friends pass into death. It seems I think about death often these days, and it comes up in my reading where I am not searching about death. I've recently thought that after my business downsize is oomplete and I am a bit more rested, I may look into volunteering with Hospice. I could at least aid in someone's suffering and learn from them too. I'll see where I am a few months from now.
I'm off to read some blogs...probably yours too!
TY again Anna!
<3
~Carol
This posting reminds me of another 33 year old woman I use to know. My goodness, the weight of it all, the perfection of it all, the constant spiritualizing of it all . . . the weight, the worry, the constant watching out for the children and raising them as you say. The difference I see between your then belief and mine is I was part of the Triune belief. I did not know that The Way did not view Jesus as both man and God. Interesting. and this whole idea that believing Jesus was God was idolatry and a first way ticket to hell (not sure if The Way believed in hell.) But certainly belief in Jesus leading to homosexuality? Wow.
I use to have dreams where I was climbing and I was always carrying a backpack and it was full of big rocks/boulders. I don't have those dreams anymore. I think each rock symbolized the burdens of my former belief.
And thinking about Anna's prayers for those troubled by religion. In so many ways I suppose I prefer one not pray that we aren't troubled by religion but that we would heed the trouble (if indeed we are troubled), see it for what it is, and empty our back packs. Maybe that is the type of praying Anna does. And if not maybe you could take up that mantle now Anna. :-)
Zoe, It was religion that taught me to pray as a very young child and when I chose to give religion up, I chose not to give up praying, though I created my own prayers, and have no idea who or what I pray to, just to whatever is in charge of karma I suppose...if anything is. I mostly pray for peace, for those I know are troubled, for our servicemen, for my children and grandchildren, my friends, and myself. I do it out of habit and my mind never allows me to forget, why, I'm not certain.
I still pray too...but not in the way I used to pray. My prayers are more like thought ripples or gratitude ripples.
Zoe...The Way is non-trinitarian. They believe Jesus is the only begotten son of God but not God. I argued/debated many a Christian on the subject. Before The Way's underbelly was exposed via the internet, I mainly heard The Way called a cult by mainstream churches because any group that did not believe the trinity was (and mostly still is) considered a cult.
As far as Jesus worship leading to homosexuality: That doctrine stemmed from Romans 1:20-32. Verse 25 states "Who changed the truth of God into a lie, and worshipped and served the creature more than the Creator, who is blessed for ever." According to The Way, the trinity is one of the biggest lies of Christianity and leads people to worship the creation more than the creator. And then that verse 25 goes into what many interpret as the verses condemning homosexuality.
According to The Way, mankind cannot be redeemed if Jesus is God because redemption had to be on legal grounds - a fully human man had to redeem mankind to make the payment just and legal.
The Way does not teach an eternal place of torment; but rather, that their is a lake of fire where the devil and those born of the seed of the serpent (seed of the devil) will burn for a season but not forever. They die, which would make them non-existent. Unbelievers/natural man (those not born again of God's seed nor of the devil's seed) will live for a season but will also die an eternal death, never to be raised again. Believers however, have eternal life in the new heavens and the new earth.
PS: That back pack dream makes me tired. Sometimes when I've had those type dreams I awake very unrested. Kudos to you for unloading those rocks! <3
Most of my dreams end up with me getting lost in strange dangerous places and phones don't work, after I get really scared, I finally wake up before anything bad has ever happened. I suppose it's because I've often felt lost looking for answers that I finally accepted, don't exist.
Carol, I still think you should write a memoir. Mine released me from a lot of torment I don't think I could have reconciled had I not written and published it. You write so well and describe your feelings so intensely, I think you could help a lot of others who are going through the same thing you have.
It was the most embedded habit of mine and probably the last of the habits to go. But I consider life itself to be prayer I guess. Especially when I'm in my garden. :-)
Very interesting. Thanks for sharing.
You're welcome.
Boring and interesting all at the same time. Haha.
Another 'interesting' Way doctrine that was taught mid-90s through at least the early 2000s...was that the sin that Adam and Eve partook in the garden was that of homosexuality. The devil came to Eve as a 'beautiful being;' ie: a woman. Eve partook and Adam was witness...and the rest is history. *bigeyes* Last I heard, The Way isn't teaching that anymore, but neither have they redacted it...at least to my knowledge. (I left in October, 2005. It was still being taught at that time.)
I often dream of float-flying and teaching others how to do the same. But I have to teach them away from public eyes.
In years past I would have recurring house dreams. I could write a whole book about those dreams.
A book. I may someday get around to it. I've thought that I could simply take some of my blog posts, clean them up a bit and fact check, and align them chronologically for a short book. I have a chronological that I work on from time to time, inserting various blog posts....
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Fascinating. So their is no snake or serpent in The Garden? Or did the snake/serpent morph into the form of a woman?
It really seems that homosexuality is a biggie with The Way. I mean it starts all the way back with Adam and Eve. No wonder it is such a focus.
I (tongue & cheek) always say that the snake in The Garden was Adam's penis. *grin*
Followers of The Way believe the Bible is filled with figures of speech. (I do too, btw.) The works of E.W. Bullinger are utilized often by The Way. One of Bullinger's works is "Figures of Speech in the Bible."
The following is Way interpretation...
The term "serpent" is a figure of speech and doesn't refer to a literal serpent, but rather to the attributes of a serpent. The serpent in Genesis actually appeared as a "beautiful being."
The adversary (devil) can take on human or animal form by utilizing mucous from living tissue and forming ectoplasm. The thing is, I was taught that ectoplasm is cold and clammy; so I couldn't figure out how the adversary made that beautiful woman he formed into a being that was warm and enticing. But then, the adversary (who was once the angle of light) could travel at least as fast as the speed of light...so maybe he could figure it out.
This lesbian interpretation was 'discovered' by the 2nd Way president, Craig Martindale. Prior to Martindale, the first president (Weirwille) stated that whatever happened in the garden probably involved sex (due to the Hebrew words used) and alluded to masturbation. The wrong behavior not being masturbation, but one meeting one's own needs.
Also, the actual sin was "high treason"...Adam disobeyed god and handed over the authority of the earth to the adversary. That's when the devil became god of this world.
I should add that when Martindale taught this doctrine, he taught it what he believed the scriptures were teaching and that if we (the followers) just hung in there with him, we would would see it too.
After Martindale was ousted from The Way (due to law suits part of which involved illicit sex), The Way quit utilizing the videos in which Martindale taught the 3 main classes of The Way. The Way then began having The Way Corps (the leadership body of The Way) teach these classes live. The garden lesbian doctrine was included. I've heard this doctrine is not included in the current taped video classes that replaced the Martindale's videos. This new video series began to be released in 2005, I think it was.
Haha...on your figurative interpretation. ;D (According to what I was taught, trees figuratively represent penises in the Bible. That tree in the garden was quite powerful. But the vagina was apparently moreso. Haha.)
BTW, this teaching of the wrong behavior of one meeting one's own sexual needs came in handy when it came to certain leadership (including Martindale and Wierwille) ab-using their positions of trust to gain sexual favors from certain female followers.
There are accounts that Martindale engaged in threesomes...all the while hollering and spewing from the pulpit about the total worthlessness of homosexuals.
Some ex-followers have relayed that Martindale's ex-wife and the current Way president have an ongoing lesbian affair. The allegation has never been addressed by The Way, that I am aware of.
http://www.greasespotcafe.com/ipb/topic/22977-rosalie-and-donna/
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