Agnosticism: "no, but it was the starting gate..."

Let me see if my thoughts-to-words will come out legibly.

Recently I've encountered a few conversations where I've shared with some ex-Way believers that I am now an agnostic. Two of these conversations have been online and one face-to-face. I have had similar conversations in the past with other ex-Way and even current Way believers.

My lack-of-belief is not a subject I necessarily volunteer. The information usually comes up when someone asks what I am doing now in regard to my spiritual life or when, due to the topic of conversation, I feel I should clarify my current viewpoint to the person with whom am I communicating.

Sometimes I stumble around trying to clarify. That indicates to me that maybe I'm still coming to terms with my viewpoint or at least how to share it, or that maybe I still care more than I should about what the other person thinks of me, or that I am still "stumbling around" in regard to what I believe or don't believe regarding a creator and possible redeemer.

I think each time this conversation has come up with believers (ex-Way or otherwise), the person I'm communicating with makes a statement related to the reason that they think caused me to now have an agnostic viewpoint.

According to their perspective, I have become agnostic due to religious or spiritual abuse.

Is that the case?

No, but it was the starting gate, so to speak.

I won't say that religious abuse has had no bearing on my current agnosticism. After all, it was abuse with scriptures that (in part) led me down the path of first exiting The Way International, a path I thought I would never take. I was committed to the "integrity and accuracy of God's rightly-divided Word." When I took that path and left The Way, for at least a year afterward I thought the only healthy spiritual alternatives to The Way would be one of the many (and there are many) Way offshoots.

So, logically, I left The Way via Way offshoots. I later branched out to other never-Way Christians which led to broader conversations and possible Biblical interpretations. From there, over the following fiveish years, I began to view the Bible as literature containing some rich history of mankind. And that is where I currently sit.

Could my viewpoint change? Sure. History is clear on that.

I've also found that if I explain (sometimes clumsily) to a believer that my agnostic reasoning is due to studying various interpretations of the Bible and becoming more familiar with religious history in general and that I simply no longer accept the Bible as any more authoritative than other spiritual literature...well, I get the sense that some (many?) really don't believe me. They still seem to hold the view that the real reason I left the authoritative-Bible viewpoint is due to spiritual abuse. I also get the sense that some feel I have a soul-hole that misses the personal "fellowship" with God and his believers that once was so much a part of my life. (But that is a subject for another blog post...sometime...maybe.)

Another aspect to this is that I do still carry a type of ace-in-the-hole. That ace is in a Christian Universalist leaning toward the interpretation of scripture. Will I ever let go of that ace? I do not know. It is one that still intrigues me, not to mention Rene Girard's view of scapegoating and the crucifixion. I've only read one Girard book. It wasn't easy reading, but it was thought provoking. (Online friend Cindi has an interesting blog where she explores and questions the traditional take on atonement. Here is a link to her blog posts with the label Girard: LINK.)

But one question that always lingers is...if the Bible is authoritative truth, why is it so complicated and why are there so many different interpretations? I have a few different answers to that - each one a bit different according to which hat I wear to answer it.

With my current agnostic hat, my answer is that it isn't authoritative truth; it is a book of books compiled by humans from the past trying to come to terms with life and all life entails.

I am not out to convert others to my viewpoint. I hope others give me the same respect.