Cut & Block

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Note: The following is more from my personal journal and/or other writings as I moved through the inner turmoil after the Knapp trauma which happened the end of July/beginning of August, 2010. The sharings are simply my thoughts at the time processing through events that took place with my ex-therapist, John M. Knapp, LMSW. To access an ongoing index, click here and scroll down to the section entitled June 26, 2011.
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~adapted from a journal entry, 12/18/10~

Thoughts. To dos. Want tos. Round tuits.

What to write.

GreaseSpot is supposedly closing. I'll believe it when I see it. I wonder if Rhodie will join in with John Knapp's non-profit center?

Inside I want the center to fail. I hate that I again feel vindictiveness toward someone. At one time I felt it toward Rhodie. Not sure what eventually helped that aspect. I felt it some toward Jeff, but not as much. And now toward Knapp.

Thing is, I don't think Knapp gives a hoot. I will probably end up calling the NY Office of Professions next week. I was going to wait until after Christmas. But I want to know what's going on. And it will be over a month next week since I spoke with the investigator. I must look up the county before I call.

I want to let her know about the non-profit, about Denise on Facebook, and about the email Knapp sent Louise and how Knapp twisted what happened.

I'm also biting to post my retraction. But if I do...part of my thinking is that it will appear that I am the one that is screwed up because it is me against them. I'm just one person. And to others, my grievance seems trivial. Yet it isn't trivial to me.

What Knapp did was harmful. For me it was VERY harmful. And he swept it aside in the email to Louise. And he swept it aside by never calling me back.

I had to drop from the Monday night support group. I had to drop from the project. I felt handled. Fine, if Knapp had been a friend and not an authority figure...especially not my therapist...well, it wouldn't have bothered me as much. It still would have hurt...yes. It would have hurt deeply. But the fact that he was my therapist, my therapist...he knew my vulnerabilities probably better than anyone. Like Mia stated...professional boundaries were crossed and then trampled.

I just talked with Chris over the phone...it was extremely helpful. I think I'll see if Chris will be another Joe for me. Someone to help me cut straight through the bullshit.
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Note: In July, 2011,  I changed John Knapp's pseudonym in this piece to his real name.