The following is the introduction to "Mental Illness ~ Counselor #2."
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In my mind I see a dining tabletop lazy-susan, the kind that holds the spice shakers and the honey and even napkins. One can sit at the table and spin the carousel to choose the spice that meets the need.
Yet on my carousel image are miniature replicas of various health practitioners; over thirty-five of them - surgeons, medical doctors, specialists, homeopaths, counselors, chiropractors, naturopaths, and more.
In 1981, after four years in The Way, I developed chronic and severe asthma, not to mention other immune dysfunction problems.
Way indoctrination, my double-edged sword.
One side of the sword suppressed my self - emotions, thoughts, desires. All was to come under submission to the Word and obedience to my spiritual elders. They looked out for me, my protectors. They weren't perfect; yet, according to the doctrine, God promised to bless my life for obedience. I had to remain true to my calling; I was to put off my old self and become the new. That's where "truth" was found and it was the "truth" that would set me free. Free to serve God and His people.
The other side of the blade? III John 2: "Beloved I wish above all things that thou mayest prosper and be in health, even as thy soul prospereth." God's will was always health. If I died wheezing I would continue to strive for health. I would continue to confess my wholeness. This side of the double-edged sword aided me to not give up, to keep seeking out solutions.
Yet, it also caused me to continue "faithful in the Household" where the authentic truth was taught which was the only way one's soul could prosper. This side of the sword caused me much condemnation and self-loathing, but there were other scriptures to counteract the condemnation. Yet I fell short there too.
All was in a nice, neat answer package. What was wrong with me that I couldn't unwrap the package? But I had to try, I had to keep at it and build my believing.
Perhaps that sword had more than two edges.
I felt like the woman with the issue of blood who spent all her money on physicians and was the none better. Yet I was some better, but far from well. And it wasn't my money; it was mostly my husband's money.
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2 comments:
What frustration you dealt with. There was no way out of that closed-looped system. We were taught to respect doctors. There was a part left out - give it after they earn it. In a class of graduating MDs someone came in at the bottom of the class...
Thanks for reading and commenting Jeanette.
Yes, I'm still learning the "give it after they earn it"...in the category of respect and trust. I still make mistakes, but hopefully have grown a bit wiser.
I'm seeing more and more clearly the many similarities the MPD/ DID/Recovered Memory Therapy versus the False Memory Syndrome have with the cultic system formula. It's huge and entangled and complex.
I hope others are able to learn to recognize the red flags...like (in your case) when the psychiatrist got offended (understatement?) that evidence was clear that certain of your memories were not correct. You were willing to look at that and admit that you might be wrong; he wasn't. Of course then, he would have had to be accountable. (Oh the many thoughts I have!)
You rock Jeanette!
To life!
~carol :-)
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