I wrote a poem...

I posted it on my poetry blog, here: Tunnels.

At the time I penned the poem I was going through my "rougher" days that are typical before my routine neck injections or epidurals. I say "rougher" because most of my days are pretty rough compared to the average life of a relatively healthy 58-year old.

Does that make me sound like a "victim?"
Well so what.
I really don't care.

If I had cameras set up around my house I think folks would be astounded at the struggle it's been to live with widespread nerve damage.

There were a couple years where I literally couldn't lift my arms to comb my hair, except when I'd get relief for a few weeks after my epidurals and a couple weeks after my neck shots. Even then, I was limited and had to calculate my moves so as not to exasperate my biceps causing them to become more lame.

So how did I comb my hair? I would take my left arm and hand and place it under my right elbow. Using my left arm I'd lift my right arm and prop my right elbow on the bathroom counter. I'd bend at my waist and lean right to get low enough to prop my right elbow. Then I'd lean my head over to the right and clumsily comb my hair on the right side of my head. I'd then repeat similar (but with a slightly different procedure) for the left side.

And that was just combing my damn hair. Imagine all the other tasks one does in a day - bathing, dressing, feeding oneself, drinking from a glass (I always had to use a straw), etc. But, I could drive because there was no lifting involved. I could care for pets because, typically, minimal lifting was involved.

I could go on about more limitations, inabilities, and symptoms and how I barely managed the dysfunction in my legs, feet, ankles, fingers, hands, wrists, arms, neck, back, jaws, and swallowing - the pain, heaviness, weakness, slowness, tingling, numbness, bizarre sensations, lumps, fatigue, dizziness, brain-fog, gut issues, migraines, and blah, blah, blah. Not to mention the emotional turmoil.

Does that again make me sound like a victim?
Or that I think my suffering is unique among mammals?
If so, again, I really don't care.

Even though steroids (especially the injections) have provided significant temporary relief, lasting improvement didn't begin until after I added Charlotte's Web Hemp Extract to my daily regimen. That improvement has happened incrementally and plateaued at times, but it has been significant in comparison with the terrifying (and it was terrifying) direction I was headed prior to the Charlotte's Web.

I am well aware that others have it worse than I.
I helped care for my quadriplegic father for almost thirteen years.
Nerve damage doesn't get much worse than that.

~*~

Anyway, I wrote Tunnels on Monday, October 30th. I received my routine neck shots late that afternoon and got some relief by Monday night and into Tuesday. I was down again on Wednesday.

At my appointment on Monday, the neurologist and I discussed trying a new pattern with my daily maintenance prednisone to see if that will help with the almost constant fatigue and weakness since my August 30, 2016, revision hip replacement surgery [to replace my faulty hip implant that was leeching cobalt and chromium (which can contribute and even cause nerve damage)]. So I started that new prednisone pattern on Thursday, November 2nd. We'll see how it works for the long run in the coming weeks.

I realized in some recent communication with a good friend, that some folks may not realize that my neck shots are not for my neck, specifically. The steroid neck shots work systemically, similar to the steroid lumbar epidurals. But the neck shots don't work as deeply and don't last as long as the epidurals. [My nerve roots are swollen in my spinal lumbar and cervical (neck) regions causing symptoms in my upper and lower body, and in between. Because the nerve root inflammation is at my neck and lumbar regions, those are the points where I get my injections.]

The neurologist added the neck shots at some point after I began receiving epidurals in December, 2013. I would receive my neck injections the same day as my lumbar epidural. Then, later within a year or so, we added neck shots at the half-way point between my every twelve-week epidurals. We added the half-way neck shots to provide a steroid boost so I wouldn't have to increase my daily prednisone milligram dosage as high or for as long between epidurals. Since steroid injections have less side effects than oral steroids, the thinking is I can maybe hold at bay some of the prednisone side effects.

Since epidurals give more relief than the neck injections, why not just get another epidural at the half-way point? Because medical protocol/insurance only allows epidurals every twelve weeks, which is probably a good thing. I doubt puncturing the outer layer of the spinal cord every six weeks is good for a body. Not that every twelve weeks is "healthy" either, but it keeps me mobile.

My hands, neck, arms, jaws, widespread pain, and dizziness have improved since my August, 2016, surgery indicating that metal levels are coming down and that they may be playing a role in contributing to the nerve damage. The levels will be checked at the end of November. Then we'll know how much they have decreased since explanting the defective hip implant and replacing it with a (supposedly and hopefully) non-faulty one.

Maybe that's too much information.
I know it's repetitive of what I've already written about so many times.
But perhaps the few details above provide another glimpse in living with and managing polyradiculitis and widespread nerve damage, for any readers interested in such.

And to some, maybe it sounds like I'm stuck in a type of victimhood.
But I really don't care, at this point.
I get tired of bottling it up.
I get tired of trying to put my best foot forward.

My next epidural is December 11. It will be my 19th epidural since December, 2013.