entry - grief

I've been here before...in this grief and loss.  For years it was everyday...certain years in The Way and then the subsequent two to three years afterward.  I don't cry over the loss every day anymore, or even every month.

I've come a long way in the past year or so.

But today I'm weepy.  Maybe it's hormones.  Maybe it was hearing some of the stories on a phone call today, hearing those voices for the first time. Voices can be different than reading texts.

Maybe it's the book I recently started reading, The Cult that Snapped: A Journey Into The Way International.  Not anything I don't know. Yet reading it is like looking in a mirror, naked. Maybe I shouldn't read it.  It's been on my list for a few years. Maybe I should walk away and pretend "stuff" never happened.

But I know I can't do that; I can't pretend.

It's o.k. to grieve.  I have to allow the grief.  

Maybe part of the grief is Mom; that just dawned on me. Death's anniversaries.  She died on January 31, 2009.  Dad died in mid-February, 1996.

Maybe that is part of it too.