Pap Smear

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I hadn't had any children yet, had I? How did I meet the midwife-registered nurse who gave me those couple Pap smears?

Ahh, it must have been through the food co-op.  I found the co-op because I had so many food allergies.  My food allergies began to be diagnosed in 1984, before I had children.

My firstborn child came into this world in 1988.  My heart is moved when I write that. It was a hard pregnancy. So many stories. So many victories.

I discovered that pregnancy before the zygote had moved to my womb.  

In 1987, I ended up at the hospital emergency room and had to fill my belly with water for a sonogram.  I was having asthma trouble and possible blood spotting.

The sonogram revealed a life form in one of my fallopian tubes.

Thank God for Dr. Carpirossi, the OBGYN, who, disagreeing with the emergency room staff, diagnosed that I was simply in the very early stages of pregnancy. Otherwise that little zygote would have been removed, the ER docs suspecting it as a tubal. I don't know how that would have affected me.  I guess I would have gotten over it, like other things in life.

Dr. Carpirossi was correct.  The little zygote was carried to my womb and tucked itself into the warm, nurturing, soft flesh and muscle where it grew into a separate life. First an embryo. Then a fetus. Then a babe. Then a child. Then an adolescent. Now a young woman.

The midwife from before 1987. I wish I could recall her name. She lived in Bethlehem, which is on the northwest side of Hickory heading toward Taylorsville. It seems she lived in a large mobile home, but perhaps it was a stick-built house. The property she lived on was beautiful with pasture land and farm life. I liked her. She was married. She probably had children and homeschooled.  Many of the co-op folk followed that route. Most took the unschooling approach.

I lay on the bed and spread my legs, the way us women do when we allow a Pap smear. She kept gently reminding me to relax. I told her I was trying or not trying, whichever; I was doing my best. She had a lot of trouble taking the smear. I was so tense.

She asked, "I don't want to be nosy, but I have a question." She paused. "Have you ever been sexually abused?"

I answered, "No."  To my knowledge I hadn't been.

She continued, "I've done lots of Pap smears over the years. I've never run into anyone so tense as this. I'm not criticizing; I'm just letting you know."

I hated, despised, Pap smears. I don't think I know anyone fond of them. I thought it was normal to be as uptight as I was, 'frigid' and despiteful of the damn things.

I responded, "I did have an abortion once, in 1978. Maybe that has something to do with it."

That's all we said about that.

My Pap smear was normal.

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Click here to read an introduction to memoir: Journey through Memoir: Introduction

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