9/22/11
journal entry
Is it worse on the internet when someone lies about another anonymously or when someone lies about another non-anonymously? If a person lies and uses their real name when lying, that's brazen. But I can't say which is "worse." At least the victim knows who the perpetrator is when the perp uses his/her real name. If needed, the victim can take action (hopefully choosing a civil and/or legal way) regarding the perpetrator.
Do people that fabricate lies on the internet do the same in 3-D life? It seems at some point the facade would eventually catch up with them and bleed over into 3-D life.
How much compassion should I have for the person who lies? Say, they have a mental health disorder that, in certain situations, exasperates moods and the person acts out...even fabricates in a psychotic state. It doesn't matter; the person is still accountable for their actions and words. As am I. As are we all. Mental health issues may be part of the reason for someone to lie, but it gives no one a free pass.
Since John Knapp fabricated a story (with dialog) in which I propostioned him for sex (not to mention other lies and twists) and to which in response I stood up for myself by speaking up...I've noticed the responses of people toward me.
Most ignore the situation. Some have totally ignored me, or at least it feels that way, but perhaps that is my perception.
Some advise or suggest to get on with other things in my life and not give Knapp one more iota of my thought time.
Some have suggested, "Sue his ass!"
Some seem to suggest that by writing about the situation or by using John Knapp's name when I write, that I am giving Knapp some sort of power.
Some seem to suggest that it's not a big deal. In comparison to deception that results in murder, rape, and a total brandishing of a person...it's not that big of deal. I hope I'm never faced with those circumstances; but none of us are immune.
People need to understand that Knapp was my mental health therapist. A bond and intimacy (and I'm not talking sexual intimacy) develops in such a relationship. Knapp knows almost all my secrets and vulnerabilities. I say almost all because I don't even know if I know them all. He turned those around and used them against me, before and after I went public. Over the past year, I learned that I'm not the only one this (verbal assault and twisting of facts) has happened with.
As I was editing a memoir piece last night, a piece that came off my keyboard as I thought about autumn/fall...it was impressed on me that for at least 28 years I trusted some of the most intimate parts of my soul with people in authority (supposed ministers in the "body of Christ") who I later learned were manipulators and liars.
I trusted them. I trusted them.
It was beyond belief for me to learn that these people I trusted lied, manipulated, used, and trashed the people in their care. For the most part, that had not been my experience with them. How could I believe they were not who I thought they were?
They abused their positions of power and covered it with deceit. Did they have mental health challenges? Probably. But they are still accountable. As are we all.
So how should I feel in regard to the recent outlandish, deceptive, unbelievable (even to me) words and actions of my ex-therapist, John Knapp? How should I respond?
The answers to those questions are solely up to me. No one, except me, knows all the details and backlog surrounding this three-year scenario. There are three(?) others that know much of the detail and backlog, but none know all...except me. And it is me that has to live with me the rest of my days. The same as every other person who walks this planet.
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