The Knapp Saga: For the Record

Click here to read an introduction.
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March, 2018

I initially posted this series in December, 2012. It has gone through multiple revisions since then. I have added more detail endeavoring to clarify incidents inside the tangled, bizarre web of events. I may add more detail as time moves along.

Now, in March, 2018, I have taken down from public view some content previously linked at the end of this post under the section entitled In Knapp's Own Words. I am keeping some links public as an example of what too often happens to a whistleblower: s/he becomes a target for false accusations while the perpetrator makes himself/herself into a victim. 

One reason for my decision to unpublish some of the content is because (for the most part) I no longer feel that I need to "prove" myself; that is, to vindicate my story and provide evidence as to why the trauma affected me so deeply.

I'm also less inclined to warn others about Knapp. He can no longer provide professional mental health services; his license was revoked in 2014. And, from what I have gathered, he has less online influence.

And I've been able to feel compassion toward Knapp, and even forgive him. But I don't know how complete that forgiveness is; it feels kind of murky. 

I ask my self, If you have truly forgiven, why would you leave this record on public view?

And I answer my self, 

• It's a good example of how someone, when they are vulnerable, can get pulled into a toxic relationship.
• It's an example of what can go awry when we humans are in a vulnerable state and dismiss our intuitive sense that something doesn't feel quite right. That intuition can be wrong. But it shouldn't be outright dismissed. 
• Or maybe you really haven't forgiven, or still feel like you have to prove your side, or something?

And I respond,

• Maybe I should unpublicize it? 
• But a part of me simply isn't ready to do that yet. 
• And the post rarely, if ever, gets read. But whether or not it gets read shouldn't be a deciding factor.
• Or maybe by making it non-public, I feel I am giving in to a type of silencing.

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December, 2012

Why this Record

I have pondered whether or not to ever again make John M. Knapp's defamatory statements public. I have now decided to bring them forward.

Why would I do this?

• Because Knapp's behavior is a pattern.
• Because this pattern goes back to at least the mid-1990s when Knapp had harmed others in a similar fashion and managed to whitewash it. Knapp's mid-1990 Singer Foundation was founded and fell apart in a similar manner to his 2011 Center for Healing Spiritual and Cultic Abuse (CHSCA).
• Because Knapp has never taken responsibility for his harmful words and actions. If he had, I probably would not be posting the details of this account. As of this writing in December, 2012, over one year after his public defamatory statements toward myself and others (including his own then-staff), instead of owning up, Knapp has blame-shifted and endeavored to sweep his misdeeds under the rug - the type of misdeeds he supposedly stands against.
• Because perhaps this record will prevent someone else from getting caught in Knapp's crosshairs. And it may help validate anyone who has endured a similar manipulative experience; whether with Knapp or someone else. The timeline gives an example of the slow process into entanglement and of rationalizing certain behaviors because of so-called trust.
• [Added March, 2018: Because I wanted to supply evidence for why the scenario was so traumatizing to me. I wanted readers to see more detail. I wanted to "prove" my side of the story.]

Due to Knapp's outrageous lies and pattern of behavior, I question anything and everything he states; including his own story and any medical diagnoses he claims to suffer inferring an excuse or reason for his manipulative tactics. For Knapp to do such (if he has) would be an insult to anyone who truly does suffer from any of his claimed diagnoses.

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Following is a Timeline Overview.
Below the timeline is a Table of Contents: In Knapp's Own Words which contains links to copies of some of Knapp's online defamatory posts.

____

I never wanted to be a whistleblower...

Timeline Overview

July, 2008 

As I continue my endeavor to recover from decades spent in a fundamentalist, authoritarian religious organization (The Way International), I hire John M. Knapp, LMSW, who specializes in spiritual abuse and cult recovery. (I remain Knapp's client for two years through July, 2010. My appointments are via phone and Skype on an almost weekly basis, accompanied by regular email exchanges.)

Knapp and I had each spent decades in a cult. Prior to becoming one of their main critics, Knapp was a decades-long devotee of the Transcendental Meditation Organization (TMO) and its founder, Maharishi Mahesh Yogi. Knapp and I had also each experienced cult-like tactics in anti-cult groups, which is the main reason I hire Knapp.

I hire Knapp after reading his story and multiple articles he has authored, after searching his name online, after checking his license in New York state, after a couple private message exchanges, and after a complimentary phone appointment.

The only small red flag I feel with my online research is a standard, repeated, spam-like response comment that Knapp posts anytime someone endorses Transcendental Meditation. (He apparently had his email set up for alerts.) The comment simply states that some people think the TMO is a cult, and it includes a link to Knapp's counseling service.

Fall, 2008

Knapp invites me to join him on social media (which I do) to help raise awareness about cult dynamics. He refers to me as a "fellow activist." Until then, I'd never thought of myself as an "activist."

Throughout my time of therapy with Knapp, I stand up for him multiple times on social media after some of his combative and defensive posts aimed mainly toward people who are still loyal to the TMO, and on some public forums where he solicits for his counseling services. But mostly Knapp engages civilly when he shares his experience, and he answers questions when people ask him about cult recovery.

Knapp and I discuss his online solicitation in light of how the internet is changing the way in which mental health services are provided. 

Early 2010 

Knapp invites me to a private section for cult activists on his online Knapp Family Counseling Discussion Forum. I and another member (not a client) volunteer as co-administrators of the discussion forum.

May, 2010

Knapp's and my relationship expands from client-fellow activist to client-fellow activist-colleague.

Knapp tells me he thinks of me as more like a colleague than a client and asks if I'd like to serve as Editor in Chief for his up-and-coming, online, non-profit to help former cult members. I have no experience as an Editor in Chief. I wonder, Is he offering this to me because no one else wants to work with him? I push that thought aside and do not mention it to Knapp.

I do share with him my doubts regarding my ability to fill the position. In response, he commends my writing and says that he thinks I'd be good at the job. After a few weeks of consideration I accept the position on a trial basis but state that I don't like the title Editor in Chief. I don't like it because I am not qualified for such a title. We agree on the title Creative Director.

He also asks if I'd like to help oversee his phone-and-online support group of which I was a founding member. I decline that offer.

June, 2010, through July, 2010

I continue with paid sessions with Knapp through the end of June, 2010. I have some sessions in July, but I do not pay for the July sessions. Knapp declines payment since he and I are now "friends," and "friends" help each other.

Beginning in the fall of 2009, we began to consider my sessions as life-coaching sessions, rather than psychological therapy. Even though I continued to manage depression, anxiety, self-doubt, self-loathing, and trying to find my purpose in life after decades in a cult, by October, 2009, we considered me "graduated" from "therapy," though I'd often still refer to Knapp as my "therapist."

The dual relationships of client (though we'd say I was no longer a therapy client), fellow activist, colleague, and friend cause me some distress. I discuss this with Knapp. We agree that I am working through my distress in a healthy manner. Working through my discomfort with Knapp would be a safe place to do so. Or, so I thought.

June, 2010

Knapp's and my relationship expands from client-fellow activist-colleague to client-fellow activist-colleague-friend. Though Knapp regularly refers to this clients as "friends," he, to my knowledge, has never reached out for emotional help from his clients.

In June, 2010, Knapp reaches out for emotional help via email to me and the other online co-administrator of Knapp's forum. Knapp has always been open about his history of mental illness; it's a main reason he himself became a therapist. But this is the first time he reaches out to me for help. I respond via email privately offering an ear to listen if he needs one. He takes me up on the offer.

In our private email exchanges Knapp reveals he is going through a mental health crisis. In one email he shares personal information about one of his mental health diagnoses that, as his nonclient-client, stuns me - information which I feel I should never reveal to anyone. That diagnosis is Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID, aka Multiple Personality Disorder), "complete with alters," "maybe dozens." I knew he had dealt with dissociation, but DID is different from dissociation.

I had read at least one person online accuse Knapp of sometimes posing as someone other than himself and using that alter-identity to engage online conversations/arguments regarding the TMO. I now wonder if that allegation might be true. But I do not bring up or ask Knapp about any possible online alter identities.

I'm also confused because Knapp supports/endorses people who maintain the position that DID does not exist. A couple of those people are members of the private online cult activist forum, personally invited by Knapp. (Most all members were personally invited by Knapp; all were personally approved by him.) But I do not bring up or question his support of people with that position.

(I do not reveal Knapp's diagnosis to anyone until after his harmful treatment toward me in August, 2010, and then only in private conversations with a few individuals. I later state it publicly online, but only after Knapp brings it up in his public false accusations against me.)

July, 2010

Knapp was already pushing the envelope regarding online social norms for a mental health therapist by having me (and other clients) involved with him online, by some of his combative posts directed mainly at TMO loyalists, and by the manner in which he solicits his services online. I had rationalized his approaches and, for the most part, normalized them. I only address him one time, and that was when he resorted to name calling. In response he told me that sometimes his emotions get the best of him, but he tries to not let that happen.

In mid-July, 2010, Knapp takes his online behavior beyond his already pushed-envelope. He opens an alternate Twitter account - DonkeyDooDooLSD, "Kicking Ass & Taking Names, Exploring the Boundary Between Consensual Reality & Private Delusion. A Really Cheap Madhouse." When he tweets to me from that account, I am taken aback. (At the time my account handles were 1person and artomatcarol. I deleted those accounts around 2012. Someone else later used the handle 1person, and that account was suspended, but that was not me.)

Knapp registered the DonkeyDooDooLSD account because monkeyvoodoo made a comment directed to Knapp's personal/professional Twitter account perhaps commenting that Knapp suffers from a "small penis complex."  Monkeyvoodoo was a TM loyalist. He and Knapp sometimes went at each other from Knapp's personal/professional Twitter account. (Monkeyvoodoo's account has since been deleted.)

From this alternate account Knapp states in one tweet that monkeyvoodoo's tweets are "mostly filled w/rage, invective, attempts to destroy critics [of] #Transcendental #Meditation" I had read their ongoing disagreements on Knapp's regular Twitter account but had not witnessed Knapp's description. I also had communicated with monkeyvoodoo multiple times. But unlike s/he and Knapp, we had civil discourse though we disagreed on certain points. But I do not speak up to tell Knapp that I haven't seen a pattern of evidence for Knapp's description of monkeyvoodoo.

I am very uncomfortable with Knapp's new Twitter account and his apparent motive for the account - to goad monkeyvoodoo. I question to myself whether or not I should follow his new account. Again, I am faced with rationalizing and normalizing Knapp's behavior.

(If I recall correctly, I chose to ignore the account, brush it under the rug, pretending I hadn't seen it. In hindsight, that Twitter account is evidence of Knapp's unraveling that had begun at least in June, 2010. Two weeks after opening the DonkeyDooDooLSD account, Knapp exacts his verbal and emotional abuse toward me.)

August, 2010

As I am working with Knapp and the other forum co-administrator on a project for the Knapp Family Counseling cult-recovery forum, I find myself in a triangulation with Knapp at the helm. He then turns on me after his disagreement with the other co-administrator. Knapp is upset with me because, from his viewpoint, I should have defended him in their disagreement; ie: I wasn't loyal. Their disagreement was over some wording for the forum.

In a personal email Knapp then blames me for things I have not said or done, refuses any sort of discussion on the matter, harmfully cuts off contact with me thus eliminating me from his support group of which I'd been a founding member, and states to me that I am responsible for "destroying our friendship."

A day later he maliciously lies to me via a message on my answering machine in his kind, understanding, unassuming, professional therapist cadence. His message states that his assistant told him I had called stating I'd like to talk with Knapp; and that he is now feeling emotionally well enough to talk and for me to call back if I wanted to talk.

But I never contacted his assistant, except to pay my final bill online. Knapp had been explicitly clear to me the day prior that he wanted no contact with me. He had emailed that he was blocking me from his email and phone. I respected that boundary and had not attempted any contact with him.

I have anxiety regarding calling Knapp back; I fear verbal attack or that information will be twisted or that I'll simply agree with whatever he states that I have done wrong, though I still don't really understand what I have done wrong. I also feel he might expect me to apologize, and I'm still not sure what I've done wrong so I won't know what to apologize for. All that is mixed with a feeling that maybe we can have a better closure to our relationship, and perhaps even work things out.

I return his call letting him know I had not contacted his assistant, but that I would like to talk. My voice cracks because I am on the verge of tears.

Knapp never calls me back.

His gaslighting causes me to doubt reality. Knapp has been my mental health therapist for two years. He knows my vulnerabilities and uses them against me.

At the time of Knapp's voicemail, I don't consider that his lie is a lie. He sounds like the old John Knapp, the John I thought I knew. I even wonder if his message is true - that I had contacted his assistant, which I hadn't. I rationalize that he must be mistaken. It is not until almost a year later, after Knapp tries to smear my character via his fairy tales and after I check a certain circumstance (if another person with my same first name had called and left a message with Knapp's assistant), that I realize that Knapp's answering machine message from a year earlier was an intentional, deceptive, and malicious lie.

I hire a local psychologist (whom I had seen in the past) to help get perspective on what has happened with Knapp.

August, 2010

Within a week of Knapp's gaslighting, the other co-administrator emails me that he has just learned some things about Knapp and puts me in contact via email with a leader, Chris (not their real name), within a highly respected cult education and recovery organization. Chris and I connect via email and then phone. Chris shares about Knapp's pattern of manipulative tactics dating back to the mid-1990s which involved his failed Singer Foundation and another incident when Knapp attempted a type of coup of the respected cult education and recovery organization.

I am stunned at the things shared with me. I ask why no one spoke up about these incidents as a warning for others. Chris tells me that people allowed a wide margin for Knapp because of the supposed trauma he had suffered due to the TMO. Also, some thought Knapp had changed after going back to school and earning his social work license.

Though I don't take all the information at face value, it does match my experience. Knapp had behaved toward me as he had toward others.

But none of the others were clients.

Chris and I communicate via email and phone through the following few years. We  meet face-to-face in the spring of 2011.

August, 2010

A week or so after my initial conversations with Chris, I contact one of Knapp's colleagues. In July, Knapp stated to me in a phone call that he had trouble with this colleague and that the colleague "hated" him. He did not share specifics, and I didn't ask. Now I was wondering about the colleague's and Knapp's interactions.

I share with the colleague what has happened between Knapp and I. They are not surprised. They too have been on the receiving end of Knapp's wrath and twisted scenarios. But they don't "hate" Knapp. They believe he has major anger issues and had been concerned when Knapp had gone into mental health practice - concerned that he may someday harm a client. That day had come. The colleague and I communicate via email and phone a few times over the subsequent months.

I am beginning to see that this behavior is a pattern for Knapp. I realize that, as a client, I have a responsibility to report Knapp. I painstakingly contemplate and weigh that option for a month before making a decision. I mull aloud through my thoughts with my psychologist. He doesn't encourage me either way regarding a complaint, but we do discuss possible outcomes if I file and my emotional well being whatever my decision may be. The choice is up to me.

I never wanted to be in such a situation faced with such a decision. It weighs heavily on me. I feel damned if I do and damned if I don't.

Sometime between August, 2010, and March, 2011

Knapp changes his physical appearance to the point that his online photograph looks like a different person from his previous photograph. (Link: Scroll down the entry for photos.) 

September 10, 2010

I painstakingly decide to file a formal complaint. It is one of the most difficult decisions of my life. On September 10, I begin writing the complaint and gathering emails as evidence. The process takes me over three weeks. There are hundreds of email exchanges to ferret through.

I figure the only disciplinary action, if any, might be that Knapp would have to attend courses regarding boundaries and ethics. As stated at the end of my complaint I file it "because of the manner in which Knapp cut off communication with me," and I feel "the only reasonable recourse I have is to file a complaint with the hopes that Knapp realizes the deep and agonizing emotional trauma and harm this entire situation has had on my life and that another client-turned-colleague-friend will never again endure such."

(Over two years later in December, 2012, I learn that, unfortunately, Knapp had harmed at least one other client-turned-colleague-friend.) 

September, 2010

About a week after I begin compiling my complaint a friend of mine, who is also one of Knapp's clients, informs me that Knapp has emailed her justifying his harmful behavior and unethical actions toward me. This too is a boundary violation. She forwards me the email which I give to my psychologist. I do not include the email or the incident in my formal complaint because I do not want to involve my friend.

I never shared with my friend the fine details about what had happened between Knapp and I. I did not share anything at all regarding Knapp's and my split, except that I had committed a huge faux pas and that Knapp and I had split, until after my friend expressed her concern that in her sessions with Knapp, she sometimes felt like the therapist and that Knapp was the client. (Link: Confidential Wedges)

September 29, 2010

I mail my  formal complaint to the New York State Office of Professional Discipline. I am physically shaking as I drop the 1-1/2-inch thick packet into the mail bin.  

November, 2010

A previous volunteer, Matthew (not their real name), whom Knapp had solicited to help start Knapp's new non-profit, contacts me. Among other tasks, Matthew had been heading up fundraising for the non-profit; that is, until Knapp gave him the boot. Knapp had previously mentioned to him that I might be filing a complaint on Knapp. Matthew wants to know more about my story because of how Knapp gave him the boot.

While working on fundraising, in a private conversation with Knapp, Matthew had raised concerns about a possible conflict of interest regarding Knapp's role in the formulating non-profit. (Matthew wasn't the only person with this concern.) Matthew offered options as to how to structure the organization so as to avoid the conflict. Knapp would not even consider the concern. Instead, Knapp showed Matthew the door and then twisted the scenario relaying to the non-profit volunteers and staff that Matthew resigned because Matthew wanted to pursue a different cult-recovery project, which wasn't true. When Matthew contacts me, he states "I felt like [Knapp] put a gun to my head and pulled the trigger."

 December, 2010

New York Office of Professions opens an investigation on Knapp.

March, 2011 

Knapp announces the opening of his online non-profit Center for Healing Spiritual and Cultic Abuse (CHSCA) and begins soliciting the public for people and for funds in the amount of $10,000. I then post a retraction of my previous support and endorsements of Knapp.

Beginning in Spring, 2011

Knapp's public Facebook page begins to go in a bizarre direction. He and his new girlfriend practically carry out their love affair on Facebook. (Knapp had split with his wife in early 2011. I was told in early 2012 that domestic abuse was involved toward at least one family member.)

Knapp's standard mode of operation was to have his clients as his Facebook friends. Because Knapp routinely posted intimate, personal details on his FB timeline, his online behavior most likely presented boundary issues for his clients. At the very least, it could (and I feel surely did) put them in an uncomfortable position.

Knapp's specialty was cult-recovery helping ex-cult members sort out life, including societal norms, after being in abnormal/abusive groups or relationships. A client may think their discomfort with Knapp's online conduct is a triggered response from being in controlled cultic/abusive relationships, instead of a normal (even innate) response to behavior outside human-group norms. Thus, they may then consider his posts as an acceptable standard and may begin to normalize his behavior. They may emulate, or consider emulating, Knapp's supposedly bold, authentic, speaking-one's-mind practice.

At one point, Knapp's profile picture was of a woman dressed in a white dress with blood splattered all over her. If I recall correctly, the woman was holding a bloodied hatchet. It was a joke referencing his girlfriend's state of mind as she was trying to quit smoking. That's fine for an avant-garde artist, but Knapp used his public Facebook page to post about his cult-recovery and healing practice.

Spring, 2011

I discover Knapp has copied a paragraph of an endorsement that I had previously, when I was his client, given him permission to share on his Knapp Family Counseling site. I had also given him permission to use my full name. Knapp copied that endorsement, adjusted it, changed my name to "anonymous," and posted it as an endorsement for his new non-profit, the CHSCA.

I never endorsed the CHSCA, and Knapp knew that in March, 2011, I had publicly retracted any support and endorsement of Knapp.

June 29, 2011

I begin bringing forward on my blog my personal story with Knapp. I feel compelled to speak up, and I weigh the possible outcomes. I think worst case scenario is that Knapp might try to sue me for defamation. Since I'm not lying, he would have no case. I figure he might respond by twisting the story, but it never crosses my mind that he would fabricate outright fairy tales and try to smear my character.

July, 2011

One of the Advisory Board members of Knapp's non-profit, the CHSCA, seeks me out after some of their questionable experiences with Knapp (including an incident akin to plagiarism) and after a friend of the member shared their concerns with the member about Knapp.  Part of those concerns were validated when they read part of my Knapp story that I had begun bringing forward on my blog and after we speak on Skype. Shortly thereafter the member resigns from the Board due to his questionable experiences with Knapp.

Summer, 2011

I initiate contact with an ex-Way follower, Jacob (not their real name), who had worked with Knapp through the mid and latter 1990s  helping to expose cult tactics of The Way. I have recently been told that Jacob knew about the Singer Foundation. I was still trying to come to terms with what had happened to me with Knapp. I wasn't trying to "dig up dirt." Jacob and I talk on the phone a couple times. He fills in more detail about Knapp's mental health challenges, Knapp's past relationship with Margaret Singer, and how she did not approve of Knapp starting The Singer Foundation. (Margaret Singer died in 2003.)

Around 2009, Knapp had shared with me that Jacob was a "very bad man" and to be careful if I ever communicated with him. (Jacob and I never communicated directly until the summer of 2011 when I contacted him.) In 2010, Knapp shared with the members of his phone support group (three of whom were ex-Way), that Jacob in previous years had set up a small online sex-ring. In 2011, from what I gathered from a few folks, that accusation was not valid. After Knapp later tries to smear my character with outright lies, I speculate that Knapp contrived the accusations against Jacob to smear Jacob's character because of what Jacob knew about Knapp's questionable past.

[In 2017, I learned that Knapp probably did not contrive his allegation against Jacob. There was a rumor, but its truthfulness was never validated that I am aware of. Regardless, Knapp's motive may have been to use that rumor in order to malign Jacob.]

August 25, 2011

Knapp sends me a private Facebook message with a link to an article he has posted. It is our first contact since August, 2010, when he had harmfully cut off contact with me. I respond to Knapp via a private message. I also send a private message to the colleague whom Knapp writes about in his linked article. I let her know that I will be backpacking and without internet service for the next couple days.

Some hours after his email to me and after I am without internet service, in an attempt to smear my character, Knapp posts a defamatory online article on his non-profit Center for Healing Spiritual and Cutlic Abuse website, the chsca.org, and on his and others' Facebook timelines.

August 27, 2011

After my backpacking trip, I again have internet service and discover Knapp's article. I also discover that two people in the cult-awareness field have spoken up on my behalf. One of those had contacted the New York Office of Professions state investigator to let the investigator know what Knapp had posted. Since it is a Saturday, I have to wait until Monday to call the investigator.

Knapp's article is filled with twisted-truths, half-truths, and outright fabrications. When I initially read it, I am shell-shocked. That Knapp lies doesn't stun me. What stuns me is the quantity of twists and lies, and the fairy tale about me sexual propositioning Knapp (a total fabrication), and that he posts his defamatory piece on Facebook timelines of some of our mutual acquaintances in the cult-recovery field.

August 28, 2011

On my blog, I post a response addressing most of Knapp's August 25th allegations and accusations: My statements addressing John M. Knapp's allegations & accusations.

August 29, 2011

I call the New York state investigator. She states she is sending her proposed charges to the prosecutor and suggests I retain a lawyer, partly due to Knapp's public threats that he is going to take out a lawsuit against me (which he never does).

August 29, 2011, through September, 2011

Knapp continues his defamatory distortions via eleven more libelous, public, online tirades. All of this plays out on his public Facebook timeline. At least one of those threads turns into a feeding frenzy, and I'm the meal. I do not posts on any of those threads. Knapp never posts a link to my August 28th response.

On September 7, 2011, within two weeks from Knapp's continued outrageous statements and behavior, he turns on his own non-profit staff and Board of Directors, twisting situations, blame shifting, and falsely accusing them. Shortly thereafter Knapp skips state and flees to Indiana.

October, 2011 through November, 2011

Knapp begins to whitewash and erase his defamatory rants without any accountability. His non-profit website, which contains some of his defamatory posts, goes defunct in October, 2011. Knapp cleans up his defamatory Facebook threads by deleting or hiding them from public view. At some point, he also deletes or hides from public his online love affair with his girlfriend, whom he later marries. 

November, 2011, and forward

In Indiana Knapp garners a new social circle and takes on a stage name, Johnny Profane.

December, 2011

More is forthcoming in private communications and conversations with a recent ex-client-friend-colleague of Knapp and with a recent previous employee of Knapp. Both had been on the receiving end of Knapp's manipulations. The ex-client contacts me. They tell me about the ex-employee whom I then contact.

The previous employee was not paid for hours worked. Around August, 2011, after Knapp refused any negotiation on the matter, the employee filed for payment via small claims court. The employee won. Knapp skips state when he is served the papers in September, 2011. As of this date the claim is still outstanding.

The previous client was exploited and psychologically violated. Their story turns my stomach. For that client alone I'm glad I reported Knapp and that the state decided to investigate.

In 2012 that client calls and speaks with the state prosecutor of Knapp's case. The prosecutor asks the client if they would testify at Knapp's hearing. Their response is, "No." They are "terrified of how Knapp might retaliate." I totally understand their choice. I think they made the right decision.

May, 2012

I attend a face-to-face conference for former cult members. While there I'm introduced to a professional in the cult-recovery field who had been on the receiving end of Knapp's wrath in the mid-1990s. He shares his side of the story, filling in more details, verifying what I had initially been told by Chris in August, 2010.

November, 2012

I am a witness for New York state at Knapp's licensing board hearing. Knapp does not show nor have representation. He never responded sufficiently to any of the state's multiple inquiries of him. The state investigator told me he did call her one time and said he would send my records which the state had requested. He never sent the records.

Update: January 14, 2014

Knapp's license is revoked. On January 14, 2014, the New York Licensing Board found John M. Knapp, LMSW, guilty of professional misconduct along with negligence, incompetence on more than one occasion, and of unprofessional conduct. His license was revoked.
Link: January, 2014 Summaries of Regents Actions on Professional Misconduct and Discipline

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Table of Contents: In Knapp's Own Words
(Other than John Knapp, names are disguised so that web search engines will not pick up those names. Non-italicized titles are Knapp's titles. Italicized titles are my made-up titles based on Knapp's online content and language.)

P1) For the Record: Prequel One ("The Mental Health Field Isn't")

P2) For the Record: Prequel Two ("Trust Your Gut—Not the Credentials on the Wall")

1) For the Record: Part One ("Beware Ca*** We*** - Cyberstalker")

2) For the Record: Part Two, Facebook Dialog Number One (August 25, 2011, 4:45 PM ~ "Beware Ca*** We*** - Cyberstalker" or "Ca*** - the 'sadisitic,' 'terroristic,' 'crazy as a shit-house rat' 'professional victim.' ")

3) For the Record: Part Three ("M***** P*******, PhD: Is This Cyberharrassment??!")

4) For the Record: Part Four ("More Ca*** We***, Cyberstalker Crap—featuring Mo**** Pi******, PhD)

5) For the Record: Part Five ("More Ca*** We*** Fan Mail from Flounders: Mo**** Pi******, Ph.Fucking.D.")

6) For the Record: Part Six ("More Ca*** We*** "Private" Fluff and Bluster from M***** P*******, Ph.Fucking.Unemployed.D.")

7) For the Record: Part Seven ("M***** P******* B.F.W. CAN NOT STOP HERSELF. SO I BLOCKED HER")

8) For the Record: Part Eight ("DESPERATE FOR ATTENTION AS EVER, L*** N** REJOINS THE ATTACK" or "The Dime Store Sex Fable")

9) For the Record: Part Nine ("M***** P*******, B.F.W., 120 DAYS Same Subject—and Counting!")

10) For the Record: Part Ten, Facebook Dialog Number Two (August 26, 2011, 5:00 AM  ~ "I'm under attack and have the FBI at my back")

11) For the Record: Part Eleven, Facebook Dialog Number Three (August 26, 2011, 6:40 PM Facebook dialog ~"Let's throw punches based on false allegations at M*****")

12) For the Record: Part Twelve, Facebook Dialog Number Four (August 26, 2011, 9:00 PM Facebook dialog ~"Those women who are after me")

13) For the Record: Part Thirteen, Facebook Dialog Number Five (September 7, 2011, 11:22 AM Facebook dialog ~ "My actions are justifiable and everyone else is to blame while I tell off my CHSCA staff and board")
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For the Record: Part Thirteen, Facebook Dialog Number Five

[Click here for Introduction and Table of Contents.] 

At the end of August, 2011, John M. Knapp, LMSW, my former cult-recovery therapist specializing in healing spiritual and cultic abuse, posted his Beware Ca*** W**** - Cyberstalker falsehoods on his then (now-defunct) non-profit website, thechsca.org, (The Center for Healing Spiritual and Cultic Abuse) and on his Facebook wall and others' Facebook walls, in an attempt to smear my character and in retaliation of me coming forward with my story regarding Knapp. In March, 2011, after Knapp opened his then non-profit, The Center for Healing Spiritual and Cultic Abuse, and began soliciting the public for people and for funds in the amount of $10,000, I went public online retracting my previous endorsements of Knapp. In May, 2011, I began coming forward publicly with my personal Knapp story.

Knapp had gotten in his head that he was being cyberstalked, cyberterrorized, cyberharassed, and that I had recruited others in a campaign against him.  None of which were true.

On August 25, 2011, in addition to his public defamatory posts on his non-profit website, Knapp begins multiple public Facebook discussions regarding his delusional plight. These continue for days.

On September 7, 2011, Knapp turns on his own non-profit staff and board who had begun to address his outlandish online behavior. Knapp's response to his staff and board was to blame them and cut off communication with them.

What follows is the September 7th Facebook thread where some of his staff and board members address him publicly. Knapp's board and staff endeavored to reason with him in private, without success. It then went public.

This is Knapp's fifth Facebook thread about how he has been abused and victimized. Unfortunately, I didn't get all of Knapp's dialog before he erased (or at least hid from public) his online statements.

One board member posted their public resignation on their blog here: ok, so I joined an advisory board and all I got was…

One of Knapp's supporters and defenders wrote me a few months later and officially apologized. We have since become friends. Knapp's verbal and psychological abuse toward that person and myself were similar; except, that person's was worse. 

The Ebay/Paypal references in the Facebook dialog below have to do with a multitude of Knapp's public Facebook status updates (which he later erased) about how Paypal had cheated Knapp.

This Facebook dialog is the last of Knapp's public online displays before the CHSCA crumbled. 

Shortly before posting this final Facebook thread Knapp had been taken to small claims court in the city where he then resided, Malone, NY. A previous employee sued him for non-payment after trying to work out an agreement of payment with Knapp. Knapp refused. The court ruled in favor of the former employee. Knapp was served the papers for that judgement in the beginning of September, 2011. He then promptly skipped state. 

He never paid that previous employee. The judgement is still outstanding as of December, 2012.

I entitle this Facebook dialog, Knapp's "my-actions-are-justifiable-and-everyone-else-is-to-blame-while-I-tell-off-my-CHSCA-staff-and-board-members thread."

[Update with link: Knapp's license was revoked in January, 2014.]

_____
[begin Knapp's Facebook thread]

John M Knapp Lmsw:
First honest chance to be on the Internet since about 4 am 9/2.

I've accepted the resignation of D*** M***** from the board of directors of the CHSCA.

I basically have not been able to gather our tiny board together for a meeting since May.

J.
September 7, 2011 at 11:22am · 
B***** R** likes this.
________

S**** B*****:
why did he resign?
Wednesday at 11:25am · 1 person
________

John M Knapp Lmsw:
S****,

I recommend you talk with D*** directly. I got little info. His OPENING SALVO was to resign.

Oh well.

[...See More...]
Wednesday at 11:29am · 1 person
________

S**** B*****:
 I would say that I have been concerned with stuff you posted to both your account and the groups but kept silent... it seemed you were and are going thur some personal issues and maybe because of that a bit of communication is needed? alls I'm saying is, maybe the initial concern was and is valid.
Wednesday at 11:36am · 1 person
________

John M Knapp Lmsw:
S****,

If you want to voice your concerns, by all means, I'd love to talk.

I responded as best I could to D***'s concern. His first response was simply to resign. That's not a board member.

[...See More...]
Wednesday at 11:42am · 1 person
________

S**** B*****:
it's true, what you post to your private account is your business... and becomes the business of your friends list... I've learned to keep certain social media outlets exclusive to friends and folks I feel can deal... if you look at mu public twitter it's much different than my facebook... oh, I'd love to hear more on the article you removed.
Wednesday at 11:46am · 2 people
________

John M Knapp Lmsw:
S****,

That works for you. I'm trying something different.

The article was not removed, it simply isn't featured any longer.

There are 4 or 5 brief blog posts that you can find athttp://thechsca.org/blogs/reckless-speculation . The first one is "Beware Carol W****—Cyberstalker."

S****, man, you are a fine artist and have been a loyal support. I certainly will understand if this is not something you choose to be a part of.

If on the other hand, you want to talk about it and I can make changes, I'd prefer that.

Love ya, man. A**, too.

J.

Reckless Speculation
thechsca.org
The Center for Healing Spiritual and Cultic Abuse
Wednesday at 11:52am · 2 people
________

S**** B*****:
so, what article was it and why was it so offensive to that person? of course, I'm assuming it was one of the articles you did on me??
Wednesday at 11:53am · 2 people
________

John M Knapp Lmsw:
Hi, S****,

NO NO NO. Not about you. Since you are a transgressive artist, I would have understood—although upheld your articles. I would fight for you into the Fire.

No. There is a team of cyberstalkers Carol W**** and M***** P*******, Ph...
[...See More...]
Wednesday at 12:01pm · 2 people
________

D*** M*****:
My first response was not to resign. You replied to my first message, john. You simply said you didn't know how to reply. Not a solid answer for an immediate issue. And when did you seek my aid that you didn't find it? When did you call for a board meeting since may and meet with no reply? As executive director, you were to organize, set timelines, and goals. It was neither your board nor your advisors who did nothing -- it was you. And you have been posting your own personal, unprofessional gripes in the name of the CHSCA for some time now. Forget about the "got back" video. You've been using the CHSCA as your personal juvenile forum, and your board can't be expected to babysit, nor should they need to monitor your antics.
Wednesday at 12:24pm · 1 person
________

D*** M*****:
This really irritates me: "I sought the aid of my board members on this issue for months." 
Really? How did I manage to hear nothing about it?
Wednesday at 12:32pm · 2 people
________

D*** M*****: 
And this: "THIS IS THE SORT OF BEHAVIOR that we fight against, it seems totally on topic to me. THIS IS, for lack of a better word, CULTIC ABUSE." 
Perfect. One can come to the CHSCA and learn that cultic abuse is anything from a "cyber-stalker" to a dispute with Ebay! It's anything you want it to be...
Wednesday at 12:33pm · 2 people
________

S**** B*****:
I like the ring of... " It's anything you want it to be." - add it to the marketing pack.
Wednesday at 12:38pm · 1 person
________

A***** Z*****: 
Can we PLEASE just sit down and discuss this rationally? John, I will call or send a message. I can't have a discussion this way.
Wednesday at 12:55pm · 1 person
________

A***** Z*****: 
Check your messages.
Wednesday at 1:11pm · 1 person
________

S**** B*****: 
what way?
Wednesday at 1:12pm · 1 person
________

S**** B*****: 
why should it be behind closed doors... what's to hide? this is johns personal profile and he runs stuff different... right?
Wednesday at 1:13pm · 1 person
________

A***** Z*****:
I just think that miscommunications are best handled between the people who are lost on the communication portion.

But since you are on the board, S****, you're right. If we can't have a meeting, I'll just say it straight out.

I don't approve of personal e-mails being posted on the CHSCA website. I have no problem with discussing the issues of cyberbullying and cyberharrassment. I don't even mind the mention of names. But the tit-for-tat by e-mail posted to the CHSCA site makes me feel like we're a one trick pony. John posts articles. I post articles. We have at least one article from every member of the advisory board. But it's all about what you publicize, and for weeks, M***** has taken center stage. Those of us that know what's been going on and how she's been harrassing John understand the frustration, but it doesn't look good to an outsider when you're promoting a center for healing and the most recent articles are what looks like a back-and-forth argument between two people.

I don't discredit the frustration, I don't suggest that cyberharrassment/bullying is a taboo topic- I simply suggest that personal correspondences posted publicly are not the best way for us to gain credibility and that it has other board members concerned as well. If I posted all of my correspondences of people who disliked me, colleagues or random cyberstalkers alike, I would hope someone would call me on it, too.
Wednesday at 1:19pm · 2 people
________

A***** Z*****: 
And I'm speaking from MY experience. I don't speak for D*** or anyone else. I speak from what I've read, heard, and experienced.
Wednesday at 1:20pm · 2 people
________

S**** B*****: 
after the ebay/paypal posts I was a bit taken back... the personal email crap only made me bored and that makes me turn the channel... a decent article on cyberharrassment is one thing indeed.
Wednesday at 1:23pm · 2 people
________

J**** L*****
John, I'm concerned too. And don't think what's been going on is professional or lends a shred of credibility to the organization. The CHSCA page is not the place for carrying out that kind of dispute. But frankly, even before all that, I was concerned in general about some of the coarse language you use in your posts. I'm no sissy, but again I don't think it's professional. A number of people have emailed me and asked why I am affiliated with CHSCA & I am concerned about my own reputation as well. That's not the major issue, as I believe I have solid creds, but the whole thing bothers me on both personal and professional level, and isn't something I want to be part of. There are such bigger fish to fry in this world.
Wednesday at 1:26pm · 3 people
________

K**** M******: 
John, I've been very concerned too, and didn't know what to say. This FB page is a strange amalgam of CHSCA, your personal travails, your romantic life, and so forth. It's not working as a professional page at all. At all.

But the CHCSA has also become a personal page, it seems. And that's not helpful to the mission. To be very honest, the CHSCA is no longer looking like a going concern.
Wednesday at 1:26pm · 4 people
________

A***** Z*****:
Absolutely, S****! I simply feel that the focus was lost- and John, that's it. I don't play games- this is/was my complaint. A good article on cyberharrassment could certainly be in the making from all this. The fact that you were bored just suggests that this could deter outsiders as well- we want to be credible.
Wednesday at 1:27pm · 2 people
________

A***** Z*****: 
‎J**** L***** and K****- this is what I was afraid of.
Wednesday at 1:29pm · 2 people
________

S**** B*****: 
good thing to talk this out right here, right now... the plus of social media.
Wednesday at 1:30pm · 2 people
________

D*** M*****: 
And to the claim, "I responded as best I could to D***'s concern", that response was merely a brief missive conveying that he was unable or unwilling to address my concerns or even justify his actions. If my actual "opening salvo" had really been to resign, I believe I could be forgiven, for I shouldn't have to correct such basic behaviors in an executive director.
Wednesday at 1:41pm · 2 people
________

J*** B***
Welcome back to FB, John!
Wednesday at 2:04pm · 3 people
________

D*** Mc******: 
Sounds like a lot of miscommunication has been occurring here. How do we go about clearing things up and moving forward?
Wednesday at 3:41pm · 3 people
________

A***** Z*****: 
I'm open to ideas and suggestions; I just want to see this resolved.
Wednesday at 3:47pm · 2 people
________

S**** B*****: 
I'm out. here's my open letter the the board of the CHSCA: ok, so I joined an advisory board and all I got was…
Yesterday at 3:10am · 1 person
________

A***** Z*****:
Even with this discussion on the wall, the e-mail correspondences I've received in the last 24 hours suggests no action is going to be taken to remedy this situation. S**** wants out, other board members are concerned, and nothing is being addressed. I was up for a majority of last night trying to strategize and hoped that John would make an effort to reach me or at least respond to my concerns since he mentioned he was willing to talk to me. No such thing has happened. This just isn't something I can sit on my laurels about. There's been enough public and private harsh e-mail exchange for me to feel that this is not where I can invest my energies any longer. I've been flat-out told that if I'm going to resign, I should just do it, and I feel that all of my work has been a waste just because I have a dissenting opinion of the executive director. This is not healthy. This is not what I signed on for. I'm sorry, John and board, but I am afraid I'm left with no choice but to resign. I hope we can stay in touch and maybe work together in a different climate in the future.

Attached below is a copy of my formal resignation, which will be sent to the Executive Director and any advisory board members' emails I have. I am deeply sorry.

A***** Z*****
Yesterday at 6:37am · 1 person
________

A***** Z*****:
Dear CHSCA Team:

It is with deep regret that I am announcing my formal resignation from the Center, effective immediately. I attribute my resignation to irreconciliable differences of opinion in the current purpose of the website and its relation to the established mission of the Center. I do not believe that the Executive Director and I can come to reasonable agreement on forward moving action regarding recent concerns about the website, and so I am choosing to step down from my position on the executive board.

I have really enjoyed working with all of you and hope we can work together more in the future, perhaps in a different atmosphere.

In the meantime, I ask that my name, biography, and related articles be removed from the website at the earliest convenience.

Thank you for your time and efforts, and my sincerest apologies.

Respectfully Yours,
A*****
Yesterday at 6:44am
________

John M Knapp Lmsw: 
‎@D*** M*****: You made promise after promise you didn't keep, D***. I tried to set up numerous meetings with you. I asked you to handle advisory board matters, nothing happened. YOU volunteered to handle the Carol W****/M***** P******* issue happened.
J.
13 hours ago
________

John M Knapp Lmsw: 
I don't know, D***. Explain it to ME. I brought up the whole Carol W**** issue in January.
13 hours ago
________

John M Knapp Lmsw:
D***, fuck you.
13 hours ago
________

John M Knapp Lmsw: 
‎@A***** Z*****: A*****, the very first chance I had to get on the Internet, I did. I found your hurtful email.

My patented phrase: "Have a nice life."

J.
13 hours ago
________

John M Knapp Lmsw: 
‎@J**** L*****: I'm happy to accept your resignation.

J.
13 hours ago
________

John M Knapp Lmsw: 
‎@K**** M******: I'm happy to accept your resignation.

J.
13 hours ago
________

John M Knapp Lmsw: 
‎@A***** Z*****: S**** is not on the board, A*****. How you could not understand this is beyond me. S**** was on the advisory board. His opinion was always welcome.

J.
13 hours ago
________

John M Knapp Lmsw: 
‎@D*** Mc******: If you'd like, I'd be happy to talk.

J.
13 hours ago
________

John M Knapp Lmsw: 
‎@A***** Z*****: You DO play games, A*****. You NEVER mentioned these deeply held concerns to me once.

J.
13 hours ago
________

John M Knapp Lmsw: 
Dear Asshole, I had NO WAY TO REACH YOU. As you very well knew. What a way for a friendship and working relationship to end.

J.
13 hours ago
________

E***** S***: 
Hey John, I was just busy writing you an e-mail, but I'm a bit slow expressing myself at the best of times... Any chance we can chat a little via Skype?
John M Knapp

[end Knapp's Facebook thread]
____

For the Record: Part Eight

[Click here for Introduction and Table of Contents.] 

In another attempt to smear my character and in continued retaliation after I had come forward with my harmful experiences with John M. Knapp, he again falsely accused me, publicly, online, stating that I had propositioned him multiple times for sex.

Of all Knapp's lies this was the most astounding. I was shell-shocked when I read it. On the other hand, it really opened my eyes to Knapp's true colors. As my ex-mental health therapist Knapp knew my past and my vulnerabilities, and he used both against me.

His dime-store sex story is pure fable. I never - in any way, shape, or form - propositioned John M. Knapp for sex. Nor do my husband and I have an open marriage; nor did I ever tell John M. Knapp that we had an open marriage - because we don't.

The closest words stated in regard to sex with Knapp were stated by Knapp, not by me. In a July, 2010, phone call Knapp stated to me, "But I won't let you jump my bones." Knapp and I weren't even discussing sex, but rather we were discussing my transition from being his client to becoming his friend. His statement took me by surprise, but I figured he was joking and I still think he was joking. I responded something like, "Now, now..."

That is the only remark ever stated in any of my conversations with John Knapp remotely regarding sex with Knapp; and Knapp stated it, not me.

Knapp posted his dime-store sex-fable, Desperate for Attention as Ever, L*** N** Rejoins the Attack (posted below), on the CHSCA website on August 27, 2011, after he had posted the same fable  as a comment on L*** N**'s blog. That blog comment is here: Link

There was never an "attack" against John M. Knapp.
There was never a "crusade" against Knapp.

Knapp stoops very low in this public online piece, not only with his dime-store sex fable, but also with his statements regarding L*** N**.

L*** addresses some of Knapp's comments here: My Personal Experience with John Knapp

It'd all be funny if it weren't so sad.

[Update with link: Knapp's license was revoked in January, 2014.]

_____
[begin Knapp post]

Saturday, 27 August 2011 00:49

Desperate for Attention as Ever, L*** N** Rejoins the Attack
Written by John M. Knapp, LMSW

"L*** N**," a pseudonym for a man or woman who claims to live in Chechnya, has also rebegun his attacks. On his creatively named, "Blog of L** (L***) N**," he takes up his obsessive crusade against me yet again, piliing [sic] lie upon lie. It looks like the blog might be read by about a half-dozen people. On a really, really good day.

• Well, according to my understanding, Knapp and Carol never met in person. Knapp lives in New York State. Carol lives in North Caroline. Although it may be possible to practice psychotherapy through Internet, it is definitely impossible to have sexual relationship through Internet.

L*** "L**" aka "Lefty" N**,

I'm sorry it is really hard to take anything seriously written my a man who won't even identify himself.

I never met Carol physically, no. Well after she ceased being my client, however, she propositioned me repeatedly over the phone, requesting that I meet her in a motel room when she visited New York, stating that she had an "open marriage" with her husband and it would be "okay."

After turning her down gently several times, I simply stated that, as I was married and it would NOT be "okay" with my wife, I would NEVER be having an affair with her.

She coyly replied, "Never?"

I replied that, as I have control over my own actions, I could assure her that we would never be having an affair.

Shortly after that Carol began attacking my character.

I draw no definitive conclusions.

I wonder what your thoughts are, "L***"?

J.

P.S. I stated that I had NEVER studied NLP when we talked on Skype, that I had the equivalent of a Wikipedia article or two on it, as far as I could see it was a collection of ad hoc techiques without any theoretical underpinning, and that I had never been interested in NeuroLinguistic Programming. I also stated it was legal as far as I knew and had no problem with NLP being used with a client's informed consent.

Creep.

[end Knapp's post]

_____

Click here to continue: For the Record: Part Nine 

_____

For the Record: Part Two, Facebook Dialog Number One

[Click here for Introduction and Table of Contents.] 

What follows is part of the conversation that ensued on Knapp's public Facebook wall after he posted Beware Ca... W.... -- Cyberstalker on his Center for Healing Spiritual and Cultic Abuse Website and on his and others' Facebook pages. Some comments were apparently deleted by the authors by the time I copied and saved the conversation below.

I addressed most of Knapp's accusations on August 28 here: My statements addressing John M. Knapp's allegations & accusations.

Knapp never posted a link to my response addressing his allegations. I doubt many of the Facebook commenters took time to look up and read my response. At the time, they trusted Knapp. Some have since learned about the lies Knapp engages in and have even been lied to and about by Knapp.

I was never out to "destroy" Knapp. I never cyberstalked or cyberharrassed him. I never continually called his clients or board members. I never engaged anyone's support in any sort of campaign against Knapp. There is lie after lie in Knapp's online postings.

And I have never used a hyphenated name.

Around the same time that Knapp was engaging this conversation, he was also being taken to small claims court in the city where he then resided, Malone, NY. A previous employee was suing him for non-payment. The court ruled in favor of the employee. After Knapp was served the papers he skipped state. The judgement is still outstanding as of December, 2012. 

Knapp begins this Facebook thread on August 25, 2011, at 4:45 in the afternoon. It is the first of five Facebook threads started by Knapp regarding his delusion that he is a victim of cyberstalking, cyberterrorism,  and cyberharassment.

I entitle this Facebook dialog "the let's beat up my former client, Ca*** - the sadisitic, terroristic, crazy as a shit-house rat professional victim."

[Update with link: Knapp's license was revoked in January, 2014.]

_____
[begin Knapp's Facebook thread]

Ca*** We***—Cyberstalker
by John M Knapp Lmsw on Thursday, August 25, 2011 at 4:47pm

I want to be clear:

The Carol W**** I knew was [...see more...]

Like · · Share
3 people like this.
____________

J*** S******** :
I know this one from a couple of run ins John, and I'm glad you have recourse to take.

This one probably learned how to excel at defamation to control peoples' association in The Way International.

They were truly terrible, sneaky, mean spirited, and deliberate in terms of effectively poisoning peoples' minds toward another.....sigh.
August 25 at 5:36pm · Like · 1 person
____________

John M Knapp Lmsw:
Thanks, J*** S********, for your support. I'm hoping someone will put these people out of their misery so the rest of us can go on about our lives.

J.
August 25 at 5:38pm · Like · 1 person
____________

J*** S********:
Even if cult recovery is your field, dealing with this behavior in reality is no easy thing John. You have my support.
August 25 at 5:39pm · Like · 1 person
____________

Meg** S*****:
I removed my tag on this as I'm not a part of this issue. Thank you for the information, but as I'm not a solution, a middleman, or otherwise tied to this particular issue, I don't think I should get involved.

As for the defamation and other damages to your reputation, your professional standing, and continued diatribe - I hope that appropriate healing is found soon for all involved parties!
August 25 at 5:43pm · Like · 4 people
____________

John M Knapp Lmsw:

M****,

Naturally.

I'm not interested in healing for myself. I'm interested in legal recourse.

J.
August 25 at 5:47pm · Like · 1 person
____________

Meg** S*****:
John M Knapp Lmsw Check out www.reputation.com
August 25 at 5:52pm · Like · 1 person
____________

John M Knapp Lmsw:
Thanks, M**** S*****!

I know of such services.

To be honest, I'm turning them over to my lawyer. I frankly can't afford the emotional turmoil personally reading the cesspool C**** W****, L*** N**, and others have put out there.

I wouldn't be able to get up in the morning.

As you know, along with many, many others, including C**** W****, I was permanently changed by my 23 years in the Transcendental Meditation organization.

I'll never be the man I was born to be.

I suffer from intermittent depression, moderate-to-severe dissociation, and although only hospitalized once for suicidality 10 years ago, the Abyss is no stranger even today.

I have to husband my strength.

Weirdly enough, one of the complaints C**** W**** leveled against me to D*** M*****, one of my board of directors, was that I suffered from dissociation and depression. To which D*** sagely replied, "I know. We've talked about it a coupla times." Apparently C**** W**** expected him to be shocked, shocked to hear I was human.

That's one of the things I mean by the sadistic cruelty of people like C**** W****.

She KNOWS the toll her actions have on me, my clients, and others.

She doesn't care.

She does it anyway.

But, fuck, it's not like I make it a secret. I began writing about my struggles back in 1995 when I first got out.

It's one of the reasons people seek me out, I think. They know I've been there. They know I've gone through hell—just like them.

And they know not only have I survived—I can be one mean motherfucker when I need to be.

J.
August 25 at 6:03pm · Like · 2 people
____________

M******* P***:
I checked out her blog John - and she has her emails to you posted there along with other posts about the situation. It is obvious to me that she had a strong emotional attachment (read: NEEDINESS) to you based on the therapy you did with her, and her emotional issues have been transferred over to you.

Since you ended the connection - from what I see as a conflict between business and the undercurrent of the emotional neediness. Whether or not you were angry with her or how she was affected by you cutting her off (which obviously she took as an extreme betrayal and now you are suffering the wrath of a woman scorned), you were still her authority at one point and needed to be respectful of the information you knew about her from your time as her therapist.

This is a strong example about why dual relationships are not wise, and in some states not legal. A therapist just knows TOO MUCH about a person's inner workings to be objective about their performance in a work setting.

I am very sorry that this happened - and I do not think she should be dragging you through the mud - but to move on with her life and make something good out of it. Some people cannot be responsible for their own feelings - and in her case, the fact that you were her therapist makes her justified. She may never see her part in the falling out because of the power differential - and for both of you - that is unfortunate.
August 25 at 6:12pm · Like · 1 person
____________

John M Knapp Lmsw:
M*******, I appreciate your input. But you ARE judging only by what she has chosen to publish.

That is unfortunate. Not for me, as I know what transpired. But for you.

I HAVE been respectful of all information she transferred to me as atherapist. She, however, thinks that grants her immunity to lie and defame. That is cruelty. On her part.

That's just not how the law works. I have an absolute right to defend myself.

Especially as this has been going on for over a year without a word from me.

NO ONE is justified for cruelty, no matter what their emotional neediness is.

She is responsible for her actions. Even if she is crazier than a shit-house rat.

And will be held accountable in a court of law.

J.
August 25 at 7:16pm · Like
____________

John M Knapp Lmsw:
And the two licensed professionals who aided and abetted her in this cyberstalking crusade will also be held accountable, btw.

J.
August 25 at 7:18pm · Like
____________

M******* P***:
I am not judging based on what she wrote - I read what you wrote and then checked out her site. Her own emails SHE posted point to neediness and instability on her part. I said that she was needy toward you and I believe you that her feelings were inappropriate. All I am saying is while it might not have been apparent to you at the time - this woman had issues that should have been taken into consideration when you decided to work with her professionally. That is why dual relationships are not advised - to protect therapists from this kind of insanity.

I understand you don't need criticism right now - and I wasn't trying to do that - only pointing out something that an outsider might see because I am not involved.

I have been the object of defamation, lies and reputation destroying as well - Im not judging - and I know this is hard for you - I was only trying to support you while pointing out the dual relationship that might have not been the wisest choice. Thats all.

Good luck in making this stop. It is incredulous.
August 25 at 7:48pm · Like · 1 person
____________

John M Knapp Lmsw:
‎@M******* P***: M****, she has only those emails posted that she chooses to post. Please try to remember that. I hate to say it, but C**** has played the professional victim for years. I can feel empathy for her as a human being. But she is trying to DESTROY me. I wish her well. I celebrate her good qualities, and she has many. But I will fight her into the ground on this. I hope you can understand.

J.
August 25 at 8:08pm · Like
____________

M******* P***:
Please read what I said - I am not against you - I am supporting you. What I said was: it is apparent to ME that based on the emails SHE posted that SHE is emotionally UNSTABLE. She is trying to make you responsible for her emotions and since you would not - she is trying to destro you. That is the work of a sociopath. I do agree that you need to defend yourself - she needs to be held accountable.
August 25 at 8:15pm · Like · 1 person
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M******* P***:
I have had no less than five people from my past who told vicious lies about me and tried to destroy my life. I still have to watch my back. That which doesn't kills you only makes you stronger.
August 25 at 8:17pm · Like · 1 person
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John M Knapp Lmsw:
Dear M*******,

I think this is a case where each of our communications are being misunderstood.

Probably from my side because I'm raw after a year of this. And it hurts like hell to drag a former client—and friend—through the mud, no matter what she's done.

So I'm all over the map tonight.

If I saw another alternative I would take it. So please accept my sincere apologies, good friend, if I've offended. I'll take a break for the night. I'll probably be in good mettle tomorrow.

Love ya, babe, as always! (Hope you know that's meant to be in good fun, not sexist. I can not use the phrase if it offends!)

J.
August 25 at 8:20pm · Like
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M******* P***:
yes - I can only imagine that its made you quite frazzled. No offense taken - I completely understand where you are at. You are a-ok in my book and have been one of the kindest and most supportive peeps I have met on FB - if that is any consolation.

I myself have heard stories made up about me - and it astounds me that people would have the nerve to run around telling lies and even more so that close friends would believe them without checking in with me. Even my own daughter was telling people I was bipolar six years ago because I had told people she was pregnant. Since she didn't want people to know yet - she made it sound like I was crazy so people wouldn't believe me. little punk.

I watch people - and its always the ones saying the shitty things all along who are the most guilty. Its maddening...
August 25 at 8:27pm · Like · 1 person
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D***** B***** S******:
I'm so sorry to hear that all this has been happening. Please let me know if I can do anything to support you through the process.
August 26 at 8:29am · Like · 2 people
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John M Knapp Lmsw: ‎@D***** B***** S******: Just your words of encouragement were more than enuff! No need to get get involved. Best to you and P***** S******!

J.
August 26 at 10:41am · Like · 1 person
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E***** S***:
You're an excellent healer & therapist, John - skillful, witty, compassionate, give a lot of yourself and are honest about what you can and cannot do. I so wish you could've been spared this painful experience. But I guess there's always a lot of risk involved working in an emotionally fraught field with very needy clients. It's sad, though, when things turn nasty.

I've not looked at what she's written, but I assume by now the situation is way past any possibility of mediation? I mean, sometimes a client erroneously assumes the therapist is invulnerable & the situation can be defused if they become aware that this is not the case? But if this has gone on for a year already, then I guess legal action is the only option left?

Either way, it's good you're taking a stance on this. It has a tremendously demoralising & disempowering effect if one just lets this kind of thing continue without defending oneself. Thinking of you & hoping this gets resolved soon.
August 26 at 2:56pm · Like · 3 people
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John M Knapp Lmsw:
Thank you, E***** S***, my good, good, dear friend for your support. Hey, how's the weather down there near C*******?

J.
August 26 at 6:52pm · Like
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E***** S***:
Hey John, I can tell you what the weather's like about an hour's drive NE of Cape Town... Today it rained - I couldn't put my washing out to dry. But right now, at 1am in the morning (when I should be in bed!), it's all clear skies with stars & probably chilly outside, but warm inside. :-) What's it like in Malone?
August 26 at 7:03pm · Like
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John M Knapp Lmsw:
It was cold and dreary today. Sort of pre-hurricane weather. I guess it gets here Saturday.

J.
August 26 at 7:26pm · Like
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J*** S********:
Assuming you and yours are ok John M Knapp Lmsw, I'd like to throw in my two cents again.....

I can't be certain of all the ethics surrounding all this therapist-patient relationship stuff because it's not the sort of relationship I have ever had, period. But I do believe that you have the right to vent as any other person might after being cyber-stalked, insulted, & lied about during the course of what appears to be (based on the apparent soundness of your truthful reply to their charges) a deliberate and long lasting smear campaign that you now feel has cut into your attempts to earn a living in your chosen field.

It seems apparent to me based on the long lasting nature of these smears that you are correct in figuring the time for patience is past. You have a legal right to go for a legal solution in my view. The website where you and I met even appears to me to be deliberately obtuse and at times unhelpful to cult abuse victims who may have issues that need legal redress. And the little I heard about your attempts to help there, and it sounded like you were peppered with classic TWI style interference. At the very least they seem to me to be embroiled in TWI style manipulations with abuse victims to this very day and I don't trust them.

Now I actually wish I had taken you up on your invitation to get more directly involved in your situation the first time you said you felt you need a friend/help.

So suffice it to say that if you have a sound case, just cause, and have suffered harm as you say, I hope you put these malicious turds in their place, more power to ya John! :)
August 29 at 12:00pm · Like · 1 person
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John M Knapp Lmsw:
‎J*** S********,

We're doing great. I head to Injuniana very shortly as I tie up loose ends here in Burke, NY.

I really appreciate your words of support!

I believe I have MORE than a case for defense. And at least TWO good cases for legal offense.

Let's see how this plays out.

Formal, public apologies go a LONG way in my book to heading off court action.

M*****?

C****?

L***?

If you are so inclined, read what I hope will be the last note on this saga for awhile: http://thechsca.org/blogs/reckless-speculation/item/145-m*****-p*******-bfw-120-days-same-subject-and-counting

J.

M***** P*******, B.F.W., 120 DAYS Same Subject—and Counting!
thechsca.org
Some readers have asked for more information on the P*******/W**** what-sure-loo...See More
August 29 at 8:15pm · Like
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J*** S********:
I'll peruse FBK a little more and come right back to look at those links a bit John, thank you.

It's nice to see you are still being reasonable in the face of long lasting provocations too, for whatever that's worth. But as things sit, I wouldn't hesitate a bit id I were you to go for your right to legally address the situation. Sometimes that is all that's left in order to give maliciously motivated people even a small chance of waking up.
August 30 at 6:37pm · Like · 1 person
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J*** S********:
Hey John, she called me your follower...HAAAAHahahaha!
August 31 at 7:26pm · Like · 1 person
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J*** S********:
Nothing like being pigeonholed without provocation. Not a good start on their part for me personally.
August 31 at 7:59pm · Like · 1 person
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John M Knapp Lmsw:
Shit, J***, I wish I could meet some of those that followers they keep saying I have. Or any of the "riches" they say I've amassed. I actually had to get Foodstamps a couple of weeks ago. I put everything I had into the CHSCA.....

J.
August 31 at 9:16pm · Like
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John M Knapp Lmsw:
See, the sad thing is, that some people leaving a spiritually abusive group forever after see things in those terms. You must be either a "cult leader" or a "cult follower." It can't just be that you might like a few ideas that a writer has—and maybe not so much the rest. If you agree with *one thing,* you must be a "follower." And so are held accountable for everything else the damn writer has said.

What a life in poverty!!!! Surrounded by supernaturally powerful and coercively persuasive evil doers! Anyone of which may force you to do *things* against your will!!! Or they might throw you into a trance if you talk to them on the phone because they know magical tricks to twist your mind!!!!!!

What a hell to live in.

These days I'm more of the opinion that we are all just different flavors the dish "human being."

Some of us taste good. Some don't. Some of us don't even smell sweet.

But, despite what your parents told you, NONE of us are special.

We all need each other.

But watch your step, J***, just be writing to me you are being counted among the sheep—or is it goats? I forget.

J.
August 31 at 9:20pm · Like
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J*** S******** :
Thamks for the heads up John, but I'm not exactly worried about it as I now know that your C**** W**** is the very same gal I had a minor altercation with at GSC. I wasn't sure until I found her blog and saw you weren't using the hyphenated last name she used to use. I will check it out just to see what she's been up to since I checked it before this last weekend though.

Ironic thing is to me that some of the things she says about you are the very same type of accusation that I refused to allow ANYONE to put other gals down for at GSC. Because by then I KNEW what TWI was, and I recognized the thuggish bastards who tried to quite women who were just starting to openly talk about being sexually abused by former leadership. Now this last weekend as I considered what she had to say about you I realized that she is actually singing the same song that I have supported carte blanche when referring to those crazy fuckers who run the Way International.

It would be very easy for me to side with her actually, except that I respect you and wonder if the other playa is crazy as batshit or not.
Tuesday at 6:10pm ·

[end Knapp's Facebook thread]

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Click here to continue: For the Record: Part Three  

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