journal entry ~ january 17, 2011

__________________________
Preface: The following is more from my personal journal and/or other writings as I moved through the inner turmoil after the Knapp trauma which happened the end of July/beginning of August, 2010. The sharings are simply my thoughts at the time processing through events that took place with my ex-therapist, John M. Knapp, LMSW. To access an ongoing index, click here and scroll down to the section entitled June 26, 2011.
______________________

***********************
denial
1:07 AM, Monday, january 17, 2011

Yah...

So, I was going to be asleep by 11:00 so I could arise by 9:00 AM. Alas...here I sit, unable to sleep.

I'm tempted to take a Xanax, but I won't. I will still get up at 9:00 AM. I must. I cannot continue my path of inactivity AND I MUST pay some bills.

The house represents an overwhelming task for me. But, I can get it done. That said, I need to be consistent.

My plan is that each Tuesday, I will spend on organizing the house. Each Friday morning, I pay bills. Monday and Tuesday and Friday, I will do laundry.

At some point I need to start cleaning. Perhaps I can do that on Saturdays...or some Tuesdays.

Wednesday is my art day. The morning I will spend daydreaming, notetaking, planning, color scheming about my home. Afternoons I will write.

I still think about Knapp. Why did he have to do what he did? It has really messed me up.

Carol recall what you read today on Wiki about denial.

***********************