Little Fish Choices

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Note: The following is more from my personal journal and/or other writings as I moved through the inner turmoil after the Knapp trauma which happened the end of July/beginning of August, 2010. The sharings are simply my thoughts at the time processing through events that took place with my ex-therapist, John M. Knapp, LMSW. To access an ongoing index, click here and scroll down to the section entitled June 26, 2011.
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Little Fish Choices
April 3, 2011
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James asked me last night if I thought I was doing the right thing by speaking up. He called it "persecuting Knapp."

Am I persecuting John Knapp? I don't want to persecute anyone.

I remind myself that Knapp is a licensed therapist. I remind myself how generous I have been to not publicly reveal certain incidents. I remind myself that I could have filed a lawsuit. I remind myself that it is o.k. to speak up. I remind myself that if Knapp does receive disciplinary action, it isn't my fault.

I doubt my words have much impact anyway. But they do have impact for me. At least I feel I have done what I can to expose what I know.

But it doesn't feel good.

It hurts. It just plain hurts.

I can hear Knapp brushing me off saying something like, "She's a little fish and 'it' will blow over." I can also hear him saying, "Why is she doing this to me? I did nothing to deserve this!" Both thoughts cause my body to tense.

Like I told Dr. McColloch back in August, "I don't like myself if I do speak up and I don't like myself if I don't speak up. I just have to decide which one I can live with more peacefully."

I guess I made my choice.

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